Woggle Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I truly believe that in a relationship you should never ask anything from your partner that you are not willing to give yourself. I live by those standards and my fiance knows that whatever I ask I am willing to deliver myself. Are you willing to deliver whatever you ask from your partner?
Pyro Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I truly believe that in a relationship you should never ask anything from your partner that you are not willing to give yourself. I live by those standards and my fiance knows that whatever I ask I am willing to deliver myself. Are you willing to deliver whatever you ask from your partner? Yes to all of the above. If you ask of something from a partner that you would not do for yourself, it means that you are relying and depending on a relationship, which is never a good thing.
Bullgator Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 A good principle, but don't rule out a quid pro quo every once in a while.
Outcast Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Absolutely. I'm very big on fairness and there's no way it's fair to expect more of someone else than you ask of yourself IMHO. If anything, it should be the other way around - expect more of yourself than you do of others. Similarly, it's not fair to complain about someone's flaws if you have the same flaw!
seranade_u_silly Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I know lots of women who won't give felatio despite the fact that their partners are more than willing to do the male to female equivalent. That's the most obvious case I can think of. I believe that equality is vital but sometimes people have principles you have to respect. Many girls will never give felatio for the rest of their lives. Most guys are more than willing to give the lowdown. I enjoy it myself. The way I see it is that you can always compensate your partner with something else in return for something. A touch for a taste is fair trade.
blind_otter Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I know lots of women who won't give felatio despite the fact that their partners are more than willing to do the male to female equivalent. That's the most obvious case I can think of. I believe that equality is vital but sometimes people have principles you have to respect. Many girls will never give felatio for the rest of their lives. Most guys are more than willing to give the lowdown. I enjoy it myself. The way I see it is that you can always compensate your partner with something else in return for something. A touch for a taste is fair trade. Bulls***! Maybe it's the part of the US I live in but in the past, I had tons of guy friends who wanted head but refused to go down on a woman because of a number of excuses. It smells bad. It tastes bad. It's gross and slimey. I'm just saying. Anyways, in principle this is a good idea but IME dealing with human beings that change constantly (which is healthy) means that you have to give up the whole idea of keeping score. Because a relationship that exists in that situation rarely lasts a lifetime. Keeping score gets exhausting after a while. When you are flexible enough to understand that you don't live up to your expectations yourself, you can be forgiving when your partner makes the occassional mistake. But I have been in relationships where there was score keeping. You do this, you don't do that, you ask that of me but I do this and this and shouldn't that be the same thing as that? Blah blah blah. Those are exhausting, quarlesome, and involved people who were too emotionally immature. Including myself, because I was almost always the one who kept track of that sort of s***.
Pink Amulet Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Yeah! I don't know any women who refuse to suck d*ck
seranade_u_silly Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Bulls***! Maybe it's the part of the US I live in but in the past, I had tons of guy friends who wanted head but refused to go down on a woman because of a number of excuses. It smells bad. It tastes bad. It's gross and slimey. I'm just saying. Anyways, in principle this is a good idea but IME dealing with human beings that change constantly (which is healthy) means that you have to give up the whole idea of keeping score. Because a relationship that exists in that situation rarely lasts a lifetime. Keeping score gets exhausting after a while. When you are flexible enough to understand that you don't live up to your expectations yourself, you can be forgiving when your partner makes the occassional mistake. But I have been in relationships where there was score keeping. You do this, you don't do that, you ask that of me but I do this and this and shouldn't that be the same thing as that? Blah blah blah. Those are exhausting, quarlesome, and involved people who were too emotionally immature. Including myself, because I was almost always the one who kept track of that sort of s***. Point taken! ...but I was speaking hypothetically. I don't believe in scoretaking however so maybe I'm just odd. I mean why do it? A relationship is not a game is it? You make your partner happy to the best of your means. If head exceeds your means then don't give head. If your partner likes giving head then why deny him/her? If your partner gives head with the intention of being repaid then he/she is not a good partner. I'd do it to give my girlfriend pleasure. Isn't that what it's about? I agree with your though there are two sides to the coin - some girls give head and some guys don't. Should you challenge your partner for not putting his lips to your genitals just because you're more than willing? I don't think you should. Foreplay is great because there are so many ways to engage it. Find out what your partner is in to - he may be above head but he may enjoy stimulation in other ways. Good argument BTW.
johan Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I don't consciously set double-standards out of selfishness or spite. But I have them. I try to live up to my own standards and be fair, and I succeed the majority of the time. I almost never say never. I can be weak. I'm just a guy. I'm not deliberately unfair, but I can be incidetally. And I try to make up for it when I find I have been. I question the self-knowledge of anyone who says they always live up to their own standards and are never hypocritical. That's a wish, not a fact. Or I'd like to work out the semantics of "always" and "standards" with them. Actually, I wouldn't like to. I know people well enough to understand that it's a waste of energy trying to find answers I already have.
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