tenderheart Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I enjoy being social: going out with friends, grabbing drinks, going to movies, dinner, etc. My bf enjoys being at home over going out, does not enjoy movies, does not have friends like I do, by choice. My family gets together often for family functions, his does not. He gets annoyed with going to all my family functions. We've been together for three years already. We currently live together, a year now. We do well when we're alone doing something just the two of us but getting him to do something with other people is like pulling teeth. Can this work in the long-long run? Sorry for the scattered thoughts...it's all on my mind right now.
Outcast Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 It will only work if you accept that he doesn't like socializing and that he will stay home while you go out. It will not work if you keep on hoping he will change. Either accept him as he is and arrange your life accordingly or else find someone who shares your tastes in activities.
Author tenderheart Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 you're very right. but the choice i need to make: accept it or move on, find someone who does share my interests, is the one i struggle with. lately i've been suffering scrutiny form friends, who have never met him, because he does not go out. They say he should want to be with me, meet my friends, etc. I find myself defending him to them often. It makes me doubt myself. I wonder if they are right...or is it just fine that i enjoy going out and he enjoys staying home and we're both happy doing our own things? And if that's the case is that normal for a healthy relationship?
KittenMoon Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 What about doing things at home? Can he handle dinner parties or movie night w/ other people on his own turf? Some people aren't anti-social so much as they need to be social on their own terms.
Author tenderheart Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 nope, having people over would stress him out more. he's the type who sees being socail as a chore, something he has to work at. he is stressed out after it and needs time to himself, or "cave time" which we like to call it, thanks to Men are From Mars Women are From Venus. I personally thinks he abuses the "cave time" phenonmenon, but i'm not a male so I can't say for sure. I want to respect that for him but I also want him to want to meet my friends, hang out with them. They are important to me and I feel that should be enough for him to want to know them as well. But he could care less really. I have to try and not be biased. I am the person who wants to know his friends, feels the need to make a good impression on his family, etc. These things are not his priority. Again, distinguished members, anyone, any advice is helpful. Thanks.
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