justdontlovehim Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 So I am going to tell my husband so of the stuff I have been feeling and let him know I plan on seeking counseling before I go any further. But he's been gone for 4 weeks and is coming home for a few days...then will be gone again utnill August. I don't want to wait to start thrapy, but I'll have to tell him what I am using the money for. I surely don't want to do it over the phone, but wonder if it's better to tell him when he first gets here and ruin the trip for him and the kids, or tell just as he's about to leave when we are on a limited time frame for the conversation. Then he'll be all pissed and hurt on the plane and back at work. All ways seem terrible. But I have to do one...and soon. Or I'm going to end up just asking for a divorce if I have to wait this out much longer. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 So I am going to tell my husband so of the stuff I have been feeling and let him know I plan on seeking counseling before I go any further. But he's been gone for 4 weeks and is coming home for a few days...then will be gone again utnill August. I don't want to wait to start thrapy, but I'll have to tell him what I am using the money for. I surely don't want to do it over the phone, but wonder if it's better to tell him when he first gets here and ruin the trip for him and the kids, or tell just as he's about to leave when we are on a limited time frame for the conversation. Then he'll be all pissed and hurt on the plane and back at work. All ways seem terrible. But I have to do one...and soon. Or I'm going to end up just asking for a divorce if I have to wait this out much longer. Thanks in advance. Coming from being a retired United States Marine. Yes! Tell him ~ NOW! News I could have used! Tell him ~NOW! Link to post Share on other sites
uksurfer Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 News I could have used! Tell him ~NOW! Aye, me too. NOW, NOW, NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
tonyp56 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 The thing that hurt the most for me was the fact that my STBX wife acted like everything was OK until the day she decided to leave! Women, I know try, but men and women are so different, and I am sorry, no man will pick up on settle hints. If you aren't happy say so, but don't wait until the marriage is over before you finally decide to tell your husband. That said, you need to tell him NOW, not next week, but right now. If you want to work on it, but need some space, I would recommend playing like it is completly over, because for me at least, when I found out that I had lost my wife, I tried everything I could think of to make it better. So in other words, if your husband gets scared that he is going to lose you, then he will likely work extra hard to make it all work--which if working it out and staying together is what you want, then both of you will have to work on your issues. If it is already over, then be prepared to have him trying to make it work. However, either way, if it is really over or you just need to figure stuff out for yourself, you need to tell him now. Let him know how serious it is, in other words, don't tell him he has a chance if he really doesn't. Don't say stuff like "if you do this or that, I'll come back" if it is a lie. If it isn't a lie, then by all means let him know what you expect of him to keep you in his life. Dont' play it down though, don't make him think he has nothing to lose, don't string him along in other words. My STBX wife did that to me, and when I caught her sleeping with and living with the person she left me for, it hurt more, because I thought--because what she told me--she wanted to work on us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justdontlovehim Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 Thank you for the advice. I am going to tell him when he gets home for sure. I will probably wait till closer to the end of his trip home being that I want him to have a good time w/ the kids and his good friend is having a birthday party that I would like for him to enjoy also. Being that we have two young children. It's not like I'm just going to be moving out anyway. And there is no other man so that's not an issue either. I would imagine even if we decide on divorce, it would be after the new year for tax reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
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