littleroom Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Hello everyone. I think I have managed to stay away from LS for about a week and 1/2. I left because I needed some time to get myself healthy again. Some of the later posts that I had written sparked some discussion on my situation and although I found them helpful... they were still painful for me to take at the time. As a lot of you know, I have admittedly been involved in a EA for a long time with a co-worker. It wasn't until about a month ago that this EA also turn physical with a kiss, that lead to a series of kisses. It's easier for me now to say that is has been an EA all along. I pretty much was in denial that it was nothing more than a close friendship. But the fact of the matter was is that he and I were sharing very deep feelings with each other. Stuff I didn't share with my husband. The second part of my situation is that I am not unhappy in my marriage. And I still stand behind that thought that I am not unhappy in my marriage. But the connection and feelings for this friend flipped from "friends" to more than friends. Since leaving LS I went into a depression as I thought about the situation I was in, how I got here and how can I turn things around. Since I am co-workers with this person I knew it would be very difficult to go NC cold turkey. So, I approached the week by telling myself I wasn't going to engage in any inappropriate activity with him. I was going to keep it professional and just work. I managed to get through the the week like that and the interesting thing is that he followed my lead. He was the same way back to me. The air between us has been sort of weird because of it... but he is giving me my space. I got disappointing news this week because I didn't get that position that I hoped for. The good thing is that the company is still considering me for other positions and I may have something else lined up soon. I saw that as an opportunity to really get away from my situation. But what it actually told me is that I need to not run from this situation. I have to manage to get over it. As I write this I have to say that it is TOTALLY not easy. See, I didn't plan to have this happen in my life. And I am the last person anyone would think would stray away from their husband. I am learning more about myself through the process of pulling away from the OM. The important thing is that I am trying. I am not always successful... but I am trying.
grateful Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Good luck with the other positions - I hope the company does find a place for you. Keep up the good work. It is hard work, but it's good work!
Trimmer Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 You are being really honest with yourself and I think that will serve you well. It seems there are so many stories on here of people in situations similar to yours who make excuses, avoid the truth, and deny what is happening, even to themselves. Your ability to question yourself, face the answers, and hold yourself to a standard of honesty is really important. Good luck.
Blind Illusion Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 That's all we can do in life...is try. And forgive ourselves for errors made along the way. Good to see you again.
Author littleroom Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Trimmer and Blind... Thank you. It means a lot to have the support. --- littleroom
sylviaguardian Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Ditto what trimmer said. It takes a lot of guts to hold a mirror in front of you and see yourself as others would see you. You will learn and grow from this. The funny thing is that at some point you will look at your OM and start to notice some stuff you hadn't seen before. That's when you'll think "What was I thinking of?". Believe me, it will happen;) Sylvia
jmargel Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Honestly I won't pat you on the back. Not until you decide to tell your husband the whole truth and to get counseling for yourself and marriage counseling for the both of you. You can try all you want but unless you have other people (in real life) to back you, you will just go back to this OM. I'm not trying to be mean, but realistic. It's time to live upto your vows. 'Truth Untold' is the same as lying. Talk to your husband tonight.
Author littleroom Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 Honestly I won't pat you on the back. Not until you decide to tell your husband the whole truth and to get counseling for yourself and marriage counseling for the both of you. You can try all you want but unless you have other people (in real life) to back you, you will just go back to this OM. I'm not trying to be mean, but realistic. It's time to live upto your vows. 'Truth Untold' is the same as lying. Talk to your husband tonight. You do realize that this is very much easier said than done? Plus... it is not like it is on T.V shows where the person confesses and spills out everything to their SO and then they argue and then go to marriage counseling. This would be the end of everything if WITH the counseling as an option. This would never be something that he would understand. So... I've decided to work on myself and try to fix me. Yes, I know it seems unfair to do that without DH having a clue... but it has to be that way. It might not seem like it makes sense to you, but you aren't in my situation. Although I appreciate your honesty... it doesn't always translate to all people in all situations. --- littleroom
MendedWing Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Littleroom, I agree with you that if you can get past what happened, and know that your husband will not find out any other way, then maybe it is best to keep him in the dark. No reason to hurt him and give him a reason not to trust you when you are doing everything in your ability to stop the situation before it is more. I applaud you for that...sincerely. But, while you are working on you, don't push away from hubby. He deserves your full attention right now, and by having a guilty conciense you will make him wonder, and hurt, and start digging for answers that you aren't prepared to share with him. I fully believe that a good marriage has to involve honesty, trust, and communication. Those things may have been lost for a moment, but you must always try to build your relationship from here on out with them in it. And if he gets wind of what happened, please don't try to lie, or push the blame on him for not making you feel loved, etc, just so you don't look like the bad guy. To overcome it, you will have to fully accept responsibility and show him how sincere you are in wanting to make up for it. Just my 2 cents. Kristen
Author littleroom Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 Littleroom, I agree with you that if you can get past what happened, and know that your husband will not find out any other way, then maybe it is best to keep him in the dark. No reason to hurt him and give him a reason not to trust you when you are doing everything in your ability to stop the situation before it is more. I applaud you for that...sincerely. But, while you are working on you, don't push away from hubby. He deserves your full attention right now, and by having a guilty conciense you will make him wonder, and hurt, and start digging for answers that you aren't prepared to share with him. I fully believe that a good marriage has to involve honesty, trust, and communication. Those things may have been lost for a moment, but you must always try to build your relationship from here on out with them in it. And if he gets wind of what happened, please don't try to lie, or push the blame on him for not making you feel loved, etc, just so you don't look like the bad guy. To overcome it, you will have to fully accept responsibility and show him how sincere you are in wanting to make up for it. Just my 2 cents. Kristen Kristen, I totally agree. And actually I haven't turned away from my DH at all. And I completely agree with you on accepting full responsibility... because I do. --- littleroom
Sal Paradise Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 There is no excuse to not tell him. If he leaves you so be it. That should be HIS decision not YOURS. You're being selfish which of course is to be expected since it takes a selfish person to cheat to begin with. Eventually he will find out.
Mz. Pixie Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I'm proud of you LR. You're taking a good look at yourself and facing up to your actions. Who knows- at some point later you may end up telling him- when you're ready. Some days you will have to go minute by minute. That's how I did when I ended my affair. I'd have to just make myself not call him for 30 minutes, then for an hour, then for a day, then for a week. Since you're around him at work, that's harder. Be sure to keep your boundaries firm if he tries to start something back up. In reality it was only a kiss- still cheating yes- but there are worse things that can happen and you're really beating yourself up over this hard. Try and move on and forgive yourself.
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