km Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Just venting - not sure why I'm remembering or feeling bad about this today, but I am - and I need to get it off my chest: 15 or so years ago, my then not-yet-husband and I were on a "break," because he was a jerk (bad, but I'll spare you the details). A friend fixed me up with someone else. It was an instant attraction. He was a great looking, tall, long-haired biker, who was NICE: in short, PERFECT for me. We had a great time together. For the first time in my life, the guy said "I love you" to me, FIRST. That, actually, took me aback, because I thought we were just casual. But he was great, and so I thought I loved him, too. Unfortunately, I was addicted to my then not-yet-husband and, when he saw me happy with someone else and came groveling back, I wanted to give him another chance, and I left my biker. I was a little worried about that relationship, too, because my biker started talking about me having babies, and I had known almost all my life that I didn't want babies. When I told him I didn't want babies, he said, "Oh sure you will," as if to indicate that he knew what I wanted better than I did. I used that attitude as my justification for leaving him to go back to my then not-yet-husband. I didn't get it than but now, I realize, I probably really broke his heart. I'm feeling great guilt over that, because he was a great guy (and I was one f**cked up woman, at the time, and should've realized I was lucky to have him, even despite the baby thing, which probably would've resulted in us breaking up eventually, but not the way we did). I'm also feeling, of course, regret, because my relationship with my husband, though now in it's 21st year, is not all that great. Matter of fact, it's downright sh*tty, at times. But I still don't have babies, and don't regret that. My husband and I have always been on exactly the same page, about that. So, anyway, I sometimes try to find out what my biker is doing. I remember him with longing. We had great times together, and he was BEAUTIFUL, but I'm not sure how long it could've lasted. I just wish there was some way, without stirring up bad memories, for me to let him know (oldest line in the book) it wasn't HIM, it was ME, and I really really regret hurting him. Even if I had a great relationship with my now husband, I'd regret that. I'm sure he moved on and found a better woman. I know he probably never gives a second thought to me. I just don't really like to hurt people, especially those that are so good. That's all. Just: I'm sorry, Jeff.
KittenMoon Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 This is a nice sentiment, but it sounds more like you are venting about your less than ideal marriage as opposed to the guy you hurt years ago. I would doubt you'd be thinking about your Biker at all if your marriage was still happy. So. What I'm saying is maybe you need to work on your marriage, find a way to reconnect with your husband, who you obviously held in very high regard at one point, and get yourself to a point where "what might have been" is far less appealing than "what is".
Returning Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I agree with KittenMoon,she's cool. Life creeps into your relationship, bill's, reality etc. Yer mans cool, dump the day to day crap and remember who u wer when u hooked up. Make time out, get into some aromatherapy when u make love, ylang ylang, candles, chocolate. bin the bozzo who wanted kids. Would u want to bring kids into this world? Not me. If ye relationship with ye husband is elsewhere, get it back on track. It's the right thing to do. Why go to work when your sitting on a goldmine? True but a sad inditement on todays society. If you enjoy your sex, have it. It's a sharing thing with your partner. Dont fall into the womens trap, society's equal, we get payed the same for doing the same...bulls*** and I'd be pissed off too. But thats no reason to treat it like gold.
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