Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I am new, not yet ready to put a name to my shame. Maybe talking about it will help? I was married for almost 27 years, many of them unhappy but I stayed for dumb reasons, the kids, etc. The last four years we lived separate lives, separate rooms, no sex, we just existed. I met someone at work who I became instantly attracted to. We began as friends, he is married also. Here we are 18 months later, I am getting a divorce. Not because of my MM, but because I realize there can be another life for me and I know I can meet someone who will make me happy. I love my MM, but I know he is not going to leave his W. Why should he when he has both of us, I am not dumb and know he has his cake and his other life. But he has made me see that I can be loved for me, we were up front from the begining with each other. Yes, I know his wife deserves better, and for that I am sorry but I know I am not the first woman he cheated with. He thinks she is becoming suspicious of things, so we have stopped seeing each other. I also do not want to be the one he is caught with, call is self preservation. Why am I finding it harder to let go of MM than my marriage of 27 years? We still talk almost everyday about our lives, kids, jobs, etc. We work for the same company but are now on different shifts so we no longer see one another at work. Not having his touch that I am finding the worst part. I don't understand it, I lived without sex for four years, why am I finding it so hard now?
Chump64 Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Good for you, for leaving vs. staying and cheating on your husband.
Blind Illusion Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I don't have any advice for you but can appreciate how you are feeling. You marriage wasn't good so you really wouldn't mourn it per se. It would be more a mourning of your routine for many years. With the MM, you are mourning the loss of a feelings and that involves the heart & hurts much more. Two other points about your post that just popped in my head for some reason: 1. I am wondering if your divorce scared the MM a bit and he thought maybe you would demand more of him. 2. I don't like that he has cheated in the past and wonder if he could be one of those serial cheater types.
Guest Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Good for you, for leaving vs. staying and cheating on your husband. I don't feel good about any of this. I never cheated on my husband, technically we are still married, but that is only because he is using tactics to delay the final court date. I have no guilt in regards to my marriage, at all. My only guilt is falling for a MM, I take full responsiblity for it. It was easy for me to fall for him, he gave me the attention I didn't have for many years and I miss it terribly.
Guest Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 2. I don't like that he has cheated in the past and wonder if he could be one of those serial cheater types. He was very honest with me about his past life/relationships. He did not have to tell me, it was not my business to know. He told me he had cheated once before in the twenty years of his marriage. It has no bearing on my feelings for him, it is his life and his choice how he lives it. He has never said a bad word about his W to me, he knows I don't want to know anything. If his marriage is rocky, or if he in unhappy I don't know any details nor do I want to.
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