Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Long story short: MM said "let's be friends!" after ending it with me and telling me he'd be staying married despite all of his words to the contrary in the 7 months previous. What's your opinion on "being friends" after an affair? I basically said, "hey! let's not!"
lovernotafighter Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I don't believe it's possible. just the begining of last week coming off of NC, my MM asked me to just be friends. I said okay. and by the end of the week he was saying he didn't mean it and only worried he would hurt me and I'll pull a NC on him.
movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Long story short: MM said "let's be friends!" after ending it with me and telling me he'd be staying married despite all of his words to the contrary in the 7 months previous. What's your opinion on "being friends" after an affair? I basically said, "hey! let's not!" How nice of him. (yawn)
movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I don't believe it's possible. just the begining of last week coming off of NC, my MM asked me to just be friends. I said okay. and by the end of the week he was saying he didn't mean it and only worried he would hurt me and I'll pull a NC on him. Oy! That's all I have to say.
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I think these MM offer friendship to us because they are reluctant to let us go completely. Think about it....if they were so hell bent on saving their marriages, wouldn't it be counterproductive of them to remain "friends" with the one person who is capable of emotionally disattaching them from their wives? Yeah....not to mention that fact that it is TOTALLY disrespectful to their wives to remain friends with us? Nope, don't think it would work. BTW, my xMM offered friendship...wants to be able to e-mail to see how we are doing from time to time. A "keep in touch" type of thing... Nope. No thanks.
bunset Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I think these MM offer friendship to us because they are reluctant to let us go completely. Think about it....if they were so hell bent on saving their marriages, wouldn't it be counterproductive of them to remain "friends" with the one person who is capable of emotionally disattaching them from their wives? Yeah....not to mention that fact that it is TOTALLY disrespectful to their wives to remain friends with us? Nope, don't think it would work. BTW, my xMM offered friendship...wants to be able to e-mail to see how we are doing from time to time. A "keep in touch" type of thing... Nope. No thanks. OK... ever think of telling him that??? when/if MM and I break NC again, that's the first thing I'll say... It's what I said at last contact. "If things change, you know where I am. Until then, we will be respectful of each other's feelings and those of the BS. We owe that to each other."
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Trust me. Everything I post on here has been told to him also. I have never sugar coated or hidden my feelings from him. Yep. He knows EXACTLY where we stand.
bunset Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 WA, I'd suspect that you are in the minority. Because if all the MM/MW knew that, and they tried to continue, then they're just proving their 'unworthiness' of your 'friendship'. So maybe they are doing it as a method of distancing????
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Who knows? I wish I could read their minds, I really do. I still stand on the fact that they really aren't ready to let go for good. That is why they contact us or offer "friendship." It is a "fix." And I have told him these things, too. And I told him this, too: If I can't have ALL of you, then you will get NONE of me. Period. I don't share.
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I think these MM offer friendship to us because they are reluctant to let us go completely. Think about it....if they were so hell bent on saving their marriages, wouldn't it be counterproductive of them to remain "friends" with the one person who is capable of emotionally disattaching them from their wives? Yeah....not to mention that fact that it is TOTALLY disrespectful to their wives to remain friends with us? Nope, don't think it would work. BTW, my xMM offered friendship...wants to be able to e-mail to see how we are doing from time to time. A "keep in touch" type of thing... Nope. No thanks. Thank you, I think I completely agree. I just couldn't find the words as well as you did. There was always something "off" about the idea of friendship with him. Oh well... I'm glad I implemented NC over three weeks ago.
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Who knows? I wish I could read their minds, I really do. I still stand on the fact that they really aren't ready to let go for good. That is why they contact us or offer "friendship." It is a "fix." And I have told him these things, too. And I told him this, too: If I can't have ALL of you, then you will get NONE of me. Period. I don't share. Thanks for all of the replies! I knew there was a reason that the whole offer of "friendship" just seemed...off somehow. I just couldn't put it into words so well.
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 You are welcome. Good luck to you.... Stay strong. WA
RealityCheck Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Long story short: MM said "let's be friends!" after ending it with me and telling me he'd be staying married despite all of his words to the contrary in the 7 months previous. What's your opinion on "being friends" after an affair? I basically said, "hey! let's not!" I would say "No Way" Its like craving a sweet and someone putting it in front of you and saying... "you can look, but you can't have any".
stillafool Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I think it is such bull when they say they still "want to be friends". Why? We can't really go out in public as I do my other friends and guys who are married that are friends of mine I socialize with their wives as well. They know this they just want to keep the door open and maybe slip back in. Mine had told me that he thought it was ridiculous to care about someone so much and to never see them or talk to them again. I told him at the time he had made his decision which of us he wanted and with all decisions there are consequences. I admire you RC for standing your ground. To be friends is to continue the hurt. If down the road you heal and could care less then maybe, but I doubt it.
RecordProducer Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 let's be friends = let's continue to be lovers Couldn't you figure that out yourself?!?!?
lovernotafighter Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I didn't.. I really thought we'd be friends..of coarse he pulled a gone with the wind kiss on me to put my head on straightthough
zarathustra Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I think these MM offer friendship to us because they are reluctant to let us go completely. Think about it....if they were so hell bent on saving their marriages, wouldn't it be counterproductive of them to remain "friends" with the one person who is capable of emotionally disattaching them from their wives? Yeah....not to mention that fact that it is TOTALLY disrespectful to their wives to remain friends with us? Nope, don't think it would work. BTW, my xMM offered friendship...wants to be able to e-mail to see how we are doing from time to time. A "keep in touch" type of thing... Nope. No thanks. my xMM tried to respect NC but couldn't maintain. He would make remarks that were of personal nature when I said I wanted things strictly business. They simply cannot and do not want to let go. Deep down, they harbour hope that there will be a faitytale ending. I don't think it would work either.
silktricks Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Like RP says. What they want is the affair to go on, and being "friends" is the prelude to getting it back. When my H broke off his EA, that's what the OW wanted - to be "friends". He said, "no thanks!!"
bunnyear Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 shall I deliver a final rite / a big speech at least for polite sake just saying whatever i wanna say to make him understand that i ''wanna cut it off completely'' as i will not see him anymore ever--to turn down his ''friends'' tempting request. maybe it would be rude of me //unfair of me to just ignore him and disappear. I wrote such a big long speech and not sure whether it is n[FONT=Times New Roman]ecessary.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]it is such pain but i m so happy i finally decide to let him go and set us free and NEVER rebound.[/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman]i just wish i didnot make it sounds bitter as i was really hurt. [/FONT]
bunnyear Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 the letter is more like .. a self--blame. as he never hide his marry status. he never mis-lead me at all- and always remind me. o gosh, now i think he has done nothing wrong. and maybe it is all my fault. getinto the game myself but dont obey the rules and now get hurt and bitter. sending him a big speech to tell him i never loved him and he is self-centered. ?? and all i actually upset is he drop me in airport for 7 hours after date as his work is priority
Blind Illusion Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 Long story short: MM said "let's be friends!" after ending it with me and telling me he'd be staying married despite all of his words to the contrary in the 7 months previous. What's your opinion on "being friends" after an affair? I basically said, "hey! let's not!" Its next to impossible to not always be looking for some kind of romantic intention from him if he is serious and if he isn't, then you won't be just friends anymore, will you?
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