Joelle Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Hello Everybody, I'm a newbie. This is my first post. I've been reading the LS forums the last few days, and found many threads interesting and enlightening. At the risk of being flamed or criticized, I would like to ask this forum the following: Are there any positive stories about A's with OW/OM or MOW/MOM? Or do all A's involve tragedy & heartbreak? Just curious.
movinon05 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 You can pretty much figure that every A is full of heartbreak and tragedy, whether it be for the OW/OM/BS and children too.
Iwanttohope Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Ditto-- somebody somehow suffers from the wreckage-- usually all involved. You can pretty much figure that every A is full of heartbreak and tragedy, whether it be for the OW/OM/BS and children too.
Sami_D Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Depends what you mean by positive. Assuming you mean that the affair ends in the MM/MW taking themselves out of a painful R and into a new life.... yes, it does happen, and there are some stories of that on here. It's not common, however. And I would venture to say that is because people who find themselves in an A situation (OW/M, MM/MW and B/S) tend to act in a very weak manner (because it's a LOVE situation...) ... Strong people are hard to come by when it comes to love and relationships. It's so much easier to cave... and the result is... pain and failure... We're all vulnerable. It's only through great strength and courage that these affairs ever get resolved in a good way.
Guest Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Depends what you mean by positive. I mean a situation where the A enhances the lives of everybody involved - the lives of the OW/OM or MOW/MOM, MM/MW, and indirectly the BS. Also, the BS is unaware of the A. In reality, is there such a scenario?
Author Joelle Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 Oooops, the above reply is from me. I forgot to log-in when I replied.
movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I mean a situation where the A enhances the lives of everybody involved - the lives of the OW/OM or MOW/MOM, MM/MW, and indirectly the BS. Also, the BS is unaware of the A. In reality, is there such a scenario? This is all rather confusing, but I'm guessing you mean that in the end, if the A couple gets together and the BS accepts it, they get divorced, and everyone lives happily ever after, and the kids are all good??? If that's what you're talking about - slim to none chance. Rare as the blue diamond on the Titanic.
Author Joelle Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 This is all rather confusing, but I'm guessing you mean that in the end, if the A couple gets together and the BS accepts it, they get divorced, and everyone lives happily ever after, and the kids are all good??? If that's what you're talking about - slim to none chance. Rare as the blue diamond on the Titanic. No, I don't mean this scenario. I'm being unclear, my bad. Let me try again. This is the scenario I mean: The MM/MW stays married to the BS, and has an A on the side. The OW/OM/MOW/MOM is content with this, and do wish to marry the MM/MW. The BS and children are unaware of the A. Hope this helps.
Art_Critic Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 there are some positive stories floating around.. I don't remember the name of the poster but this week a OW that had a positive story posted and update earlier this week. I dug it up.. here is the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t91602/
bunset Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 No, I don't mean this scenario. I'm being unclear, my bad. Let me try again. This is the scenario I mean: The MM/MW stays married to the BS, and has an A on the side. The OW/OM/MOW/MOM is content with this, and do wish to marry the MM/MW. The BS and children are unaware of the A. Hope this helps. Probably.... But it ain't right.. because the part about the OW/OM wishing to marry while MM/MW stays married is contradictory. Now, if you asked about a positive outcome where an A happens and the OM/OW and BS and the MM/MW all go through some heartbreak but grow, learn and come out better on the other side (regardless of who's fairytale gets partially fulfilled or not) .. Well yes, of course. Just takes time, and perspective. Are you a glass is half empty or glass half full person??
Author Joelle Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 Oops again, folks. In clarifying my scenario, I meant to write that the OW/OM/MOW/MOM do NOT wish to marry the MM/MW. That person is simply content being the OW/OM/MOW/MOM. Thanks for your patience with me!
movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 LOL! Well I'm glad we cleared that up!! I thought it was me!! lol! Yes there are a few of those. I would also add I haven't heard of any that end up without tragedy and heartbreak for someone.
Blind Illusion Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Firstlly, it's hard to tell. Normally content people are not going to be the ones posting on a board such as this. Let's face it: when things are going good, you aren't as apt to seek out support. Once upon a time, I thought I could do just that. (be content with the MM but not having to leave a bad marriage and break up the family for my children's sake) For years I did that but then the MM moved and we saw less of each other and I wasn't content with that. I think its a difficult thing to do. "They" say things like that 'work" better if both parties are in marriages and they can accept the affair for what it is. I know I really didn't do that, all that well. I would imagine I would have wanted even more if I was single.
bunset Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Firstlly, it's hard to tell. Normally content people are not going to be the ones posting on a board such as this. Let's face it: when things are going good, you aren't as apt to seek out support. Once upon a time, I thought I could do just that. (be content with the MM but not having to leave a bad marriage and break up the family for my children's sake) For years I did that but then the MM moved and we saw less of each other and I wasn't content with that. I think its a difficult thing to do. "They" say things like that 'work" better if both parties are in marriages and they can accept the affair for what it is. I know I really didn't do that, all that well. I would imagine I would have wanted even more if I was single. Interesting.. but I still feel the "what if..." syndrome. I wonder how long I could've gone on if his W didn't find out. I know I was starting to move toward my divorce the moment I kissed my xMM (OK I'm going with the xMM like M.O.) But that's the problem.. the longer we went the closer I was to having expectations. We often said "It is what it is..." After reading and re-reading his last email, pre 'official' NC, the more I think he was being a 'cakeman' although, I think he was starting to fall harder, too. He did say "I'm no good at one-night stands" to me too. Oh, gee, I feel headed on another roller coaster ride of feelings again.
scarletletter Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 I don't know if mine is a success story but I am very happy with my situation for now. I am so deeply in love with this man that it gives me the strength to go on each day. We have been together for 11 months and see each other 1-2 times per week. It is fullfilling as it can be for both of us just going through the motions of our unhappy marriages for the children. We are about as deep as we can get into this relationship so it has no where else to go but down. I sometimes feel guilty when I am on here because I am so happy and everyone is so heartbroken. Like I have said before, my day may come and I will be in here crying my eyes out but for now, its pure bliss. I still get aggrivated at him for putting me off sometimes, but that's the situation that we are in and is expected from time to time. We will both make a move to better our situations when the timing is right.
Author Joelle Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Thanks for sharing, Everyone. Scarletletter, your story is very interesting. I had a feeling there may be some positive stories out there - not every experience is full of tragedy & heartbreak.
Blind Illusion Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 We often said "It is what it is..." . That's the problem. We say that and really mean it or try to mean it. But, somewhere along the way, our hearts try to redefine what *it* is. Human nature, I suppose, when you start to care for someone. A friend recently told me (and she is in a very long term affair of 14 years) that you almost have to put your family first. When you start getting all giddy and start taking stupid chances, that is when parties get caught. All of this sounds like sound advice but it's so hard to detatch emotions like that. For me, anyhow.
Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Thanks for sharing, Everyone. Scarletletter, your story is very interesting. I had a feeling there may be some positive stories out there - not every experience is full of tragedy & heartbreak. Of course it is. The WIFE doesn't know. The relationship between the MM and OW is based on lies. That is not a positive story. It is full of tragedy and heartbreak. It's just that experiencing the tragedy and heartbreak is still in the future.
scarletletter Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Of course it is. The WIFE doesn't know. The relationship between the MM and OW is based on lies. That is not a positive story. It is full of tragedy and heartbreak. It's just that experiencing the tragedy and heartbreak is still in the future. Yes, tragedy and heartbreak are clearly in someone's future. If we handle our situation as we plan, no one will know that our relationship began before the marriages were over. The plan is well thought out and will work as long as we are careful. No, the wife doesn't know and she won't know unless one of us tells her. Our relationship comes with a lot of baggage and we are handling it the best way that we can. We are not planning to drop a bombshell on anyone or hurt anyone. We are planning to have a mutual decision made between all parties involved. It's a long story but I can tell you that this is not a relationship that was not thought out and planned. It is a situation that we willingly persued and when the timing is right, the spouses will know that there will be a divorce, but I hope that they don't find out about the relationship. It is very private, very delicate and we handle it well. It just works for us right now.
sirjay Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I wasn't married to the girl i was living with but it was a very, very long relationship that had stagnated into more of a friendship than anything. i was really not fulfilled at all and i met my GF 3 years ago. we had a wonderful time but there was always the tension of the fact that i was living with another girl; she let me live in her house for free while i tried to get my business up and running but i had a lot of setbacks and just got stuck in a rut, really. my GF broke up with me a few months ago and i have since moved out and gotten my independence back. i have made many, many changes in my life, grown a great deal, done a load of therapy, workout every day, new career, new city, new flat... we are talking a little bit now, but still having "space" i think. i hope we are taking time out with a view to getting back together once she sees how much i have changed. is this a happy ending? i hope so because i love her more than any other woman in the world.
zarathustra Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Positive story.... Sorry, dear, this game is a zero sum game... everyone loses. My xMM and I both left our marriages to be together. I left more so because I felt the problems are insurmountable. He left because he loves me and can't imagine life without me. Problem was, he didn't figure what he didn't like about his marriage before he left and ended up back home. Its been 8 months since our split and he is back somewhat in my life telling me how he regrets going home and that he misses me everyday. He has now identified the issues in the marriage and I have asked him to lay it on the table to discuss with his W. If that doesn't work, then I told him to figure out what he wants in life. After a week of talking, he says he knows what he wants and what is in his heart... me. I told him to take the next 3 months to really think about what the sacrifices are, to really think if he and his W has any chance of surviving this. I think its enough that I've suffered from this. I need him to make sure that not more people are going to be hurt by his actions. So, if he stays with his W, she's happy and that's a positive for her. If he leaves her and we give ourselves the gift of a second union, then that's a positive for us, but its at someone else's expense. I said to my xMM that there are certain successes in life that is derived from failure. Success comes when you recognize that you have failed in your marriage despite all the effort you put in it and you give each party in the relationship the opportunity to find the love that they deserve. I hope that my xMM and I will have a success story in the sense that he is going to let go of his wife and give her the opportunity to find the same intense love that he says that he has for me. We shall see... I'll continue keeping you updated in my own thread.
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