Guest Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Here's the shortest version I can do. Married 1 1/2 years to a man I adored(3rd marriage) First marriage failed due to same sex affair(his) 2nd marriage was extremely abusive and I feel lucky to have left with my life(still very cautious and aware everyday) I have been seperated for 4 months...current husband was verbally abusive as well. I have been called a princess, primadonna, cunt, stupid f***ing bitch, flatbacker, whore, told that I should go find that perfect man who will love me the way I need and want, he kicked me and my 5 children out....it got physical, had some bruises, he was drunk, pretty humiliating night for me(my kids were with their dads, thank God!) He is pretty sure I have been screwing around(I have not been screwing around) I have had a million apologies...I moved my kids and I in with a friend, lived there for a month, strained the friendship, she kicked me out, my boss gave us a place to live, it just burned down the 28th of May, my kids and I lost everything we owned, my husband had us move back in, told me he would go to counseling(at first he was willing to divorce me before going to a counselor) and the next day when the town(very small) started bringing my kids and things like clothes, money, food, he was angry and complained that he was so broke and that maybe I should but him lunch. His moods are extreme and quite the roller coaster ride for me....I now feel nothing....I mean nothing.....the only thing that makes me feel good and makes me smile are my 18,16,14,4,3 year old children. What is wrong with me. My husband has made appt with a counselor and is upset that I won't forgive and forget. I look at him and feel NOTHING. I was so in love with him, then comment after comment after comment kept coming at me. The first comment he mad? " Maybe if I beat the s*** out of you you would keep me around for 5 or 6 years." That's just one comment I have heard in the last 1 1/2 years. I am back in counseling for me. Alot of stress over the last 4 months....a little more then I can handle on my own. Why is he now wanting me when it seemed to me that he didn't want me before? I am not upset that he feels the way he does. I am not sure that I really miss him. He wants to kiss me....I feel nothing....he says he loves me....I feel nothing....he touches me....I feel nothing. My kids and I are trying to get our life back....new memories, new things, but it's hard to lose everything and have the man you loved want to know what about him. What the hell do I do?
Becoming Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Get out. Good for you that you're in counselling for you. When you're there, don't be afraid to say what you're saying here. A part of you knows you're in deep need of help. The other part(s) are confused, trapped, numb. Is this about it? No wonder you feel nothing; you're probably too afraid of the rage that your numbness keeps at bay. So you stay depressed. No judgment--we all do this. You're not alone. This is a good place to get your feelings out and ask for help and advice. Can you say more about what you'd like to hear from folks? Or did you just need to get things out?
Lollie72 Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 referred you to a 12-step group for families and friends of alcoholics to look at yourself and work on(take much better care of)yourself yet?
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