SadHatter Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Well guys, I haven't posted on here for a while as I've met someone new who is truly amazing, loves me for me and who I am extremely happy with! Which is going to seem very hard to believe when you read the following... My ex-gf and I broke up at Xmas time. We'd only split up for about a week and she got a new bf, who she then proceeded to move in with. I was very hurt as you can imagine. I thought we could sort it out when we broke up, but obviously she had different ideas and moved straight on with someone else! Over the past six months, I have heard from her now and again, nothing much, just the odd, "hello, how are you" text messages etc. In the meantime, three months ago, I met a new girl, who is everything my ex-gf isn't (in a good way) and this is the happiest I've ever been in my life. Well, my gf has gone on holiday for two weeks and so I went out clubbing with my mates this week. For the first time since we split up, I bumped into my ex-gf, who informed me she'd broken up with her bf a week ago as he cheated on her. She'd moved out and back to her parents. My ex-gf looked extremely hot but it didn't actually affect me anywhere near as much as it would have because I am with my new gf. Anyway, towards the end of the evening, and after probably more beers than I should have had (!), she comes over to me on the dance floor and says, "can we go for a walk, there's so much I need to say to you...no strings attached or anything, just some things I need to say." So, we went for a walk, she explained she'd missed me in the six months, which is why she'd text me now and again but had heard I was seeing someone new so never planned to take it any further. She said she does love her new bf, but he cheated on her so she'd never take him back. She said emotionally she was confused but that it was good to see me and nobody has ever known her better than me. Anyway, I walked her back to her house and...I think you can see where this is going. Cue me leaving two hours later feeling TERRIBLE, GUILTY...the worst mistake of my life - how could I do this??? I SLATE people who do this sort of thing and yet I've done it myself?!?! It makes me SCUM. It is so unlike me. I didn't hear from her then for the next three days and then last night she rang me. I needed to clear the air after what had happened so I answered. We spoke for a bit, she said she hadn't really given what happened much thought, it was a one-off and don't beat yourself up about it. She said that yesterday, out of the blue, another of her ex-bf's (the one she dated for six months before me) text her out of the blue and asked her if she fancied meeting up. She agreed and they went for a drive and back to his and watched a movie. She then told me, "Don't get angry with me, but I slept with him." I said, "You what??". I immediately thought - I had already but even worse now - what have I done!!!! And what is wrong with this girl!!! She said she is meeting up with him again on Saturday night!! I said, "So you're now getting back with the bf you had before me?!?!?!?" *confused* and she said, "I don't know...maybe...he is a REALLY, REALLY nice guy" She then went on to tell me, "Her and her bf (the one she just broke up with) had a little argument a while ago and a "break". She went to her mates house and her mates bf and his best mate were there and she slept with her mates' bf's mate"!!!!! I am astounded!! Yesterday, I text her and said, "I don't want to have any more contact with her, I am concentrating on my gf, who thinks the world of me and actually CARES about me...take care" - to which she didn't even reply!!!!! Guys...WHAT HAVE I DONE!! I FEEL TERRIBLE!! TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE!! Is this girl mental??!?!?! Or me for cheating on my wonderful gf with her?!??!?!? I'm not looking for sympathy...well maybe I am, not that I deserve any...but I need your advice...
sugarplum Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Yesterday, I text her and said, "I don't want to have any more contact with her, I am concentrating on my gf, who thinks the world of me and actually CARES about me...take care" - to which she didn't even reply!!!!! Wait, are you mad that "she didn't even reply" when you told her you didn't want anymore contact with her????? confused.
Author SadHatter Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 Sure did use protection. Although I'm an idiot, I am not that much of an idiot!! No mad that she didn't reply to me saying I didn't want anymore contact with her. Just obviously not as bothered about me and "missing me" as she said was the point I was trying to make. You're confused? I am confused!
Author SadHatter Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 No advice here then guys?!??! What was my ex doing/thinking?!?? Why has she slept with me and then her other ex a couple of days later?!?!?!?
sugarplum Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 If you are concentrating on your current g/f and dont want contact with her anyway - then why do you care? If you really want nothing to do with her, why worry about why she did anything? Your question, I would think, should be more like "How to I tell current g/f that I had sex with someone else", you know? Maybe some don't know how to respond because your post and what your concerns really are seem to conflict or are confusing.
sugarplum Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 What was my ex doing/thinking?!?? Why has she slept with me and then her other ex a couple of days later?!?!?!? Are you sure you really want nothing to do with your ex?
sugarplum Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 No mad that she didn't reply to me saying I didn't want anymore contact with her. Just obviously not as bothered about me and "missing me" as she said was the point I was trying to make. You're confused? I am confused! Are you sure you are not bothered that she apparently doesn't miss you as much as you thought - or hoped? I could be totally wrong here, but that is just how it sounds to me when I read your post. If you want nothing to do with her, and are only concentrating on current g/f, you shouldn't care if she misses you or not. in my opinion. Maybe I am missing something in your post.
scrybe74 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 If you are concentrating on your current g/f and dont want contact with her anyway - then why do you care? If you really want nothing to do with her, why worry about why she did anything? Your question, I would think, should be more like "How to I tell current g/f that I had sex with someone else", you know? Maybe some don't know how to respond because your post and what your concerns really are seem to conflict or are confusing. aahh.....I think Sugarplum pretty much nailed it. I'm not sure what it is you want. To tell you that you're not a bad guy? You cheated on a wonderful girl who trusted you. You did to her essentially what your ex did to you. Suck it up and confess to your gf or bury it forever and pray that she never finds out. I HOPE you tell her the truth and I hope that she forgives you and I hope that you never do it again.
Author SadHatter Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 I don't know anything anymore! Extremely confused and I do want to be with my current gf. I hadnt even seen or spoken to my ex for six months so I am fine without her. Things have been amazing with my current gf too. I guess with regards to asking the question about my ex, I shouldn't care - and I don't care care - but maybe I need to understand why she acts like she does and why she has been like this to sort my head out and move on properly with my gf. I don't know, maybe I am talking rubbish - I usually do hehe!
sugarplum Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 I guess with regards to asking the question about my ex, I shouldn't care - and I don't care care - but maybe I need to understand why she acts like she does and why she has been like this to sort my head out and move on properly with my gf. Not to be rude, but again - why do you need to understand what she did? Maybe she did it for the same reasons you did it to your g/f. I am sorry for your confusion. I apologize if my posts sound harsh. It is my opinion that you should spend less time trying to figure ex g/f out and more time figuring yourself out.
scrybe74 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 You don't need to understand anything about her. What for? What you need to understand is why you had sex with someone other than your girlfriend. And why you're not thinking about your GF but instead obsessing about why your ex does the things she does. It sounds like you're still hung up on your ex. Sorry bud! You say that you don't care about her or what she does....but you do. You can't let it go. I think you wan't her to care and to come back and tell you how sorry she is and how crazy she's been and that everything is her fault so you can tell her to go away - or tell her 'welcom home' - either way it's all about her and nothing to do with your girlfriend. You've got some serious problems if you can't see that.
Brokenfool Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Well Sadhatter- it seems I'm not the only fool in the world. I've recently f**cked up a 14-year marriage with a one-time affair, and it was a REALLY bad one: We went to a game with 'friends'. My wife, always open & adventurous, & was kissing & being kissed on by the female of the couple. Nothing serious, but a curiosity. Well, many drinks later & after the male of the couple decides we need a hotel room (we were a few hrs. away from home), we end up in the room with my wife incoherent, & me feeling as if I'm a B-grade move, everything all fuzzy & disconnected. The couple invites me to join them & I did. God help me, I did. With my wife in the next bed I with another woman for the 1st time in over 14 years. I could see she was awake & watching, but I had not concept of right or wrong, no "little voice" that asked "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" We did not go in with this other couple to swing, but have since found out that this couple is into that culture. I don't care if that's your thing, I won't judge on that. But I feel as if this was their plan going into this. I dunno if it was just to much to drink, or if we were slipped a little sommething "extra". I know, that like you, that it was not like me. Not like me at all. I feel so disgusted with myself, I cannot look myself in the mirror. Terrible does not quite encompass how I feel. I've a wife with which I'd had a great relationship & two wonderful kids, and I fouled it up on a grand scale. She said she never thought I was capable of anything like this, that I was her "Wink & a Smile" guy. Now I feel like a broken-souled fool. Mabye we can both fix our relationships. Mabye we don't deserve to.
thingamy Posted July 26, 2006 Posted July 26, 2006 it may sound obvious, but the recurring thing between these two stories is the dreaded booze. Sadly one of the first thing alcohol does is take away our inhibitions and we end up doing all sorts of things we wouldn't imagine doing when sober. Sorry to sound like a goody too shoes, but I've been plauged by the same effect in the past.. hope it all works out for you! its not surprising you fancied your ex when you saw her for the first time in ages, after all there would have been that original attraction all that time ago. To be honest, I would be honest about it with your girlfriend. Having been in similar situations, I've always found its best to get these things out in the open. Deceit and hidden secrets are a great way to kill of what had been a great relationship.
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Posted July 27, 2006 Wow! I can sense that this is eating you up and that you trully feel bad about this. Thats why I think its important that you confess to your girlfriend about what happened while this incident is still fresh in your mind and heart. Tell her what you told us and make sure she knows that you feel aweful about it. This relationship is still in its early stages but by confessing this affair you will show your girlfriend that although you made a stupid mistake, you value the relationship so much that you don't want to have any secrets that could later threaten the relationship. You will show her that while you are not perfect, you are a man who will freely admit to his mistakes, take responsibility for your actions and does whatever it takes to make things right. If she trully loves you then she might be upset (I can promise you that!!) but she will get over it and she will respect that you were man enough to come clean. You will feel better about yourself because there will be nothing to threaten the happiness of your relationship once this is out and no secrets between you two. As for the ex girlfriend I have been trying to figuire my ex boyfriend out for 2 years now lol...I don't know why they do what they do but the point is you need to let the ex be just that history and start a new chapter in your life focus on what you have and not what you don't have anymore... Good Luck!!
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