RealityCheck Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 MM came to visit me, with what he referred to as a surprise visit! He wanted to take me out for lunch. I didn't go, rather sat outside and talked a bit. It was during our conversation that he said something that absolutely floored me! Strike 1: Because I have my kids, I have always made it clear, not to come by unannounced. Strike 2: In one sentence, the level of "turn off" was enough to see him and all of the situation in a different light. I will share this part with the OW's on pming. Strike 3: Same as #1. Really can't explain it other than a complete turn off. I mean a complete 160 in mind set! A big part for sure is the fact that I never wanted him around my kids or anyone for that matter until I know the relationship is solidified, which of course an Affair is nothing of that nature. I sent the email about 5 minutes ago to him, explaining that his behavior had an immediate reaction to my feelings for him and that its OVER! Of course the email was more detailed. I'm dumb. I don't feel anything. Weird.
dontbfooled Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 What happened to you was a blessing in disguise. This is the strength you need to finally move on... something similar happened to me and my feelings have really not been the same ever since. Getting TURNED OFF by a MM is a GREAT thing!!! Congrats to you. Baby steps....
Author RealityCheck Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 What happened to you was a blessing in disguise. This is the strength you need to finally move on... something similar happened to me and my feelings have really not been the same ever since. Getting TURNED OFF by a MM is a GREAT thing!!! Congrats to you. Baby steps.... Thanks DBF.... I do believe baby steps are not going to be required this time. More like leaps and bounds....lol:bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:
movinon05 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 My exMM used to do that to me. Try to show up unannounced a few times, but more often calling even though he knew he was taking chances. Drove me nuts. If the kids answered, he hung up. I NEVER did that to him. He was being selfish when he did that and insisting I stay on the phone, especially if he wanted an answer to something or was p o'd at something. With him, it could just never wait til we talked when it was convenient. Whenever I needed to talk to him, I didn't just call him out of the blue.
zarathustra Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 MM came to visit me, with what he referred to as a surprise visit! He wanted to take me out for lunch. I didn't go, rather sat outside and talked a bit. It was during our conversation that he said something that absolutely floored me! Strike 1: Because I have my kids, I have always made it clear, not to come by unannounced. Strike 2: In one sentence, the level of "turn off" was enough to see him and all of the situation in a different light. I will share this part with the OW's on pming. Strike 3: Same as #1. Really can't explain it other than a complete turn off. I mean a complete 160 in mind set! A big part for sure is the fact that I never wanted him around my kids or anyone for that matter until I know the relationship is solidified, which of course an Affair is nothing of that nature. I sent the email about 5 minutes ago to him, explaining that his behavior had an immediate reaction to my feelings for him and that its OVER! Of course the email was more detailed. I'm dumb. I don't feel anything. Weird. Good riddance!! What an a**h***! You are better than to have someone disrespect your wishes regarding your children.
movinon05 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Yes, RC. You're a much stronger person than I was. You stick to your guns. But it also helps that you were not so emotionally tied to him. Does this mean you won't be our friend anymore. :( :( (Even though I'm officially an exOW too!)
ThumbingMyWay Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Hail Hail to all the exOW please hold your ground.....you'll be much happier persons good luck
Iwanttohope Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 PM me RC...I want to know about your revelation and where I can get it too;) MM came to visit me, with what he referred to as a surprise visit! He wanted to take me out for lunch. I didn't go, rather sat outside and talked a bit. It was during our conversation that he said something that absolutely floored me! Strike 1: Because I have my kids, I have always made it clear, not to come by unannounced. Strike 2: In one sentence, the level of "turn off" was enough to see him and all of the situation in a different light. I will share this part with the OW's on pming. Strike 3: Same as #1. Really can't explain it other than a complete turn off. I mean a complete 160 in mind set! A big part for sure is the fact that I never wanted him around my kids or anyone for that matter until I know the relationship is solidified, which of course an Affair is nothing of that nature. I sent the email about 5 minutes ago to him, explaining that his behavior had an immediate reaction to my feelings for him and that its OVER! Of course the email was more detailed. I'm dumb. I don't feel anything. Weird.
Author RealityCheck Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 Yes, RC. You're a much stronger person than I was. You stick to your guns. But it also helps that you were not so emotionally tied to him. Does this mean you won't be our friend anymore. :( :( (Even though I'm officially an exOW too!) Are you kidding Me!!! I L O V E YOU !!! The best thing that ever came out of this experience was meeting you and all the OW's that I formed a friendship with! You people are an awesome bunch! And; of course I'll hang around! After all, this place does hold some sentimental connection considering what we've faced and battled!! I L O V E Y O U A L L D E A R L Y !!!! :love: :love: :love: We all still have to get that trip arranged. I'm dying to meet ya all!!! I will definately pming the details to you my friends. I may have posted some of the affair on here, but not all the details and you know that! This is why assumptions people tend to make for another's thinking drives me crazy! Because nothing is as it seems. But we know better! Movinon, do we still have a date tonight?? Beers, cheers and many gut wrenching laughs...your the best Dolly! Ah hell! Let's all have a party ......clink...clink!
movinon05 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Are you kidding Me!!! I L O V E YOU !!! The best thing that ever came out of this experience was meeting you and all the OW's that I formed a friendship with! You people are an awesome bunch! And; of course I'll hang around! After all, this place does hold some sentimental connection considering what we've faced and battled!! I L O V E Y O U A L L D E A R L Y !!!! :love: :love: :love: We all still have to get that trip arranged. I'm dying to meet ya all!!! I will definately pming the details to you my friends. I may have posted some of the affair on here, but not all the details and you know that! This is why assumptions people tend to make for another's thinking drives me crazy! Because nothing is as it seems. But we know better! Movinon, do we still have a date tonight?? Beers, cheers and many gut wrenching laughs...your the best Dolly! Ah hell! Let's all have a party ......clink...clink! Yeah, I knew we wouldn't lose you!! lol!!! Just playing. Yeah, apparently beers and cheers are on the menu for tonight. I should probably add food to that too!! lol!!
Author RealityCheck Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 Good riddance!! What an a**h***! You are better than to have someone disrespect your wishes regarding your children. No, this is one boundry that NO ONE should ever cross with me. Its like another entity takes over my mind and I spit fire! Zara, you have been an amazing friend. You are bright, bold and beautiful and I wish you all the strength in the world to overcome the obsticles you are facing. You so deserve so much happiness.
Author RealityCheck Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 PM me RC...I want to know about your revelation and where I can get it too;) Count on it girlfriend!!
Sami_D Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 WOO hello. Is this the same bloke who was all over a 'married but wants to cheat' site doing his thing while supposedly pining for you? Read the signs. He's a jerk.
Iwanttohope Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 HEY STRANGER!!! Welcome back:D :D :D WOO hello. Is this the same bloke who was all over a 'married but wants to cheat' site doing his thing while supposedly pining for you? Read the signs. He's a jerk.
Art_Critic Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 ^5 ... I'll bet you feel good.. Taking control and making decisions for your own life can be empowering..
Sami_D Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 HEY STRANGER!!! Welcome back:D :D :D Hahahahahahahaha... yer... probably 'for one night only'... but I just had to have my say, now that I'm here...
Author RealityCheck Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 WOO hello. Is this the same bloke who was all over a 'married but wants to cheat' site doing his thing while supposedly pining for you? Read the signs. He's a jerk. *laughing* smooooooooooch Hey, get your ass back here! You've missed a couple of parties!
Author RealityCheck Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 Update: Less than 12 hours not even 24..... MM called. Crying, crying.......bla...bla... I am not affected. Not budging. Nada!
Author RealityCheck Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 ^5 ... I'll bet you feel good.. Taking control and making decisions for your own life can be empowering.. Yes Art, it does feels very empowering and right!
movinon05 Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 You're my hero when it comes to taking power back. Now, if I can just stay on that path.
Author RealityCheck Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 You're my hero when it comes to taking power back. Now, if I can just stay on that path. Well good morning!! You know MO, there is always that "one little something" that triggers an immediate change in thought. For me, it has always been my kids. I can honestly say "I despise him" and my head space will not falter. This was my first and last experience of an affair and though some would think there was nothing in it for them, there was a hell of alot in it for me! I am not speaking so much in terms of "lack of committment" I am simply speaking of an understanding to a situation that is so complicated and can only be understood by the person living it! My wishes for all of the OW's that are facing turmoils of the heart, is that they find that "one little something" that will trigger an immediate reaction that will allow their heart to let go. I do know and understand the dynamics of the situation and I feel for all those involved. *tears*
SoleMate Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Much congratulations, I am very happy and I hope that there will be many more following your example and showing these MM where to get off. A request...even though I'm not an OW...can you let me in on what he did? Pleeaassseee? I would like to know.
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 I agree RC. Once you find that trigger that finally allows your heart to let go, there is no turning back. I think I know what mine was: Other that fact that he didn't admit he was married (which is a HUGE lie, of course), he was always honest about everything. To a fault sometimes, and his honesty hurt me at times. Anyway, he said he hadn't been intimate with his wife while we were together and would not be knowing that I would instantly leave if that were to happen. I just don't play that game. I don't share. (Which, I know, sounds contradictory, being the OW and all....but I held his heart and his soul....so I didn't feel as though I was sharing him. Now that the fog has cleared, I know I was, but back then, I believed she only "had" him geographically, not physically or emotionally.) Anyway, when she found out about me, like most women, she "marked her territory." I asked him if she seduced him and he said she had. It was his duty and she was so distraught....he felt as if he needed to do that to make her "feel better." That was the break for me. He will never touch me again. He knew what would happen should he be intimate with her. And, he did it anyway. Destroyed me emotionally, too, when he did it. My heart snapped. My head took over, and I haven't looked back. Nope, I don't need this.... So, I agree. There will be a defining moment for every xOW. And, although mine was quite painful, it got me where I am now. Here today. Alone but wiser. Alone but healthier. Alone but stronger. And that isn't such a bad place to be. Hugs WA
eyeswideshut Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 WA, yeah, he's not sleeping with her right now... But who really knows?!! He told me that he is FULL of testoterone and masturbates at least once or twice a day. So, if he's so into sex, and lives with his wife, and only sees me once every two three weeks? I mean, he has got to be having sex somewhere. ANYWAY. RC! PM me too, please, I will just visualize my MM saying what yours said to you, and hopefully I will be able to jump off this roller coaster too! You should start a thread, on "what was your last straw with MM?"
Walking away Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Who knows? Do you really want to be with someone who MIGHT be sleeping with someone else? Would you put up with that with a single guy? Why is it so different when they are married? It is worse because they LIVE with another woman! I am constantly amazed by the blinders that I wore for 7 months! Sheesh!
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