stupidman Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 I am new here. I am a 52-year old married man with a situation I have never encountered. All I know is this has become an obsession to me. I have had many fantasies about women, but this is different. From the moment this woman was hired at our work, she struck me like a ton of bricks. This has never happened to me at work before with any other woman. I go back and forth with elation and depression. I am insanely jealous of her husband, even though I don't know him and I'm sure he's a great guy. I actually care for this woman. More than just wanting a sexual relationship. As a matter of fact, I tried to kiss her once. I was roundly rejected. In fact, she said "I have no interest in 'getting it on with you'". Ouch. You would think that would end it in my mind, but no!!!!!!! I cannot stop thinking of her. Paradoxically, to save myself pain, I should withdraw from her and not seek out contact and conversation. But this will cause her pain (or will it?). I don't know what is worse - gathering up my pride and telling myself to quit pursuing her, I'm worth more than this - or suffering any pain just to have any small part of her in my life. I can't stand it! It doesn't help that we are very compatible and talk very easily. She says I make her laugh and that I am her "breath of fresh air". She may not know that she has immense power over me if she chose to use it. I gave her a flower today. Why? Because it seemed right. Again, not something I have ever done before. I am stunned by this and very confused. Thanks for listening.
portableversion Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 How old is this woman? How old is your wife?
jmargel Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 You need to see a counselor or somebody. You sound like a stalker in some sense. Let her alone! You are taking every positive word she says about you and glorifying it. Her telling you that 'you are breath of fresh air' is just a silly compliment. It just means you got her to laugh a little. She doesn't want a relationship with you and you will lose her as a friend if you continue this. Start investing more of your time & heart into your wife.
Outcast Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 lust or just infatuation Both. It is probably not possible to go through life without getting crushes on people, however you have to stop this the way you stop any addiction - cold turkey. Avoid the situations that feed it; most especially you must avoid mooning over her. Do not allow yourself to fantasize or gaze on her. As soon as you find you're doing it, do some work. Tear your mind away. If you have to, try the elastic band thing where you snap an elastic band on your wrist to be a painful reminder that you're doing something wrong. You can drop her just as people can drop overeating, smoking, or any other addiction. You have to work hard at it but it can be done. She's not interested in you and you're going to ruin your life if you don't get serious about stopping this.
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