Guest Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 hello everyone. Its my first time here, but Im kind of having a breakdown and could really use some advice, I dont know where else to turn right now. its sort of an awkward situation that I dont want to talk to my friends about. So any advice, or response would be much appriciated. The story is the usual boy meets girl and everything is great and then we move in together. My boyfriend and I moved in together after about 8 monthes of a wonderful relationship and we spent every second together that we could manage, so we figured why pay 2 rents? We're kind of young (early 20's) therefore broke. but moving in together was about more than that. It seemed right. So pretty much since day 1 of my boyfriend moving in with me, I started noticing a lot of evidence of him looking at porn. Now Im not the type that will totally freak out about that kind of thing. Im aware hes a young man and hes going to be looking at that type of thing weather I like it or not. But it started happening so often that I became really uncomfortable with myself, and losing self worth, feeling second rate to his obsession. I started notcing he wasnt only doing it when sex with me was not available. It was all the time, and Id catch him. Hed tuck me into bed without making a move on me and then Id catch him watching porn 2 minutes later. In the mornings before work I catch him, and he says he dosent have time for sex with me, but he has to scratch the itch, so to speak. I even set his alarm for half an hour ealier than needed so we could have time in the morning, because Id like that too, but it never happens. It became a huge problem, him looking at porn for relief, when Im home, ready, willing and able to be there for him that it turned into a huge fight and he swore with all his heart that it would stop.... but it didnt, I caught him again, and he swore again, this time he seemed more understanding of what it was doing to me and I actually trusted that he was going to stop for sure. Now, about a month later, I know for sure hes done it again. I dont trust him, I feel like crap, despite him saying it has nothing to do with me or my image, and I really dont know what to do anymore. Things are usually great between us. I feel like hes always waiting for a chance for me to be asleep or out of the house so he can run to his stash of porn. So am i totally overreacting? is this a normal thing in relationships? and is it reason to break up? I dont trust that its ever going to stop right now. Should I give it a third chance or face the fact that its just not going to change?
Diver012 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Dudes got a problem. Anytime porn interferes in the normal operation of a personal life, effecting your relationships, ect... theres something wrong. If I had someone in bed with me, I would be damned if I would rather go watch some Porn instead. That just makes absolutely no sense to me. If this is costing you your self esteem, I would get out. This crap aint worth your time. Sounds a bit Harsh but if he hasnt changed by now, it doesnt sound like its going to
Bullgator Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Sounds like he's addicted. He needs an intervention.
Guest Posted March 4, 2007 Posted March 4, 2007 how long did it take for him to to get to the point where he didnt want to have sex with you anymore and was he ever jerking off because you didnt want it or was that ever a problem
Double D Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 Definately sounds like an addiction. If your willing to tell him you think he has a problem and your willing to help him overcome this problem (after we are all fallable in our own way) and see what he says. If he doesnt admit he has a problem or doesnt want to seek help, then maybe you might need to seriosly consider giving this relationship and time out until he sorts himself out and find someone who wants to be intimate with you. Keep us updated!
jusified Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 maybe some guys are weird. They say 99% of guys watch porn and the other 1% is lying. Now if someone rather watch porn then doing it with his girl then there is probably a problem. But the problem isnt the girl, its the guy. Guest, all you can do is talk to him and see whats really going on. I totally understand that it makes you feel second rate and not valued. If he doesnt get that then you need to think about what you want to do.
outofdarkness Posted March 6, 2007 Posted March 6, 2007 hello everyone. Its my first time here, but Im kind of having a breakdown and could really use some advice, I dont know where else to turn right now. its sort of an awkward situation that I dont want to talk to my friends about. So any advice, or response would be much appriciated. The story is the usual boy meets girl and everything is great and then we move in together. My boyfriend and I moved in together after about 8 monthes of a wonderful relationship and we spent every second together that we could manage, so we figured why pay 2 rents? We're kind of young (early 20's) therefore broke. but moving in together was about more than that. It seemed right. So pretty much since day 1 of my boyfriend moving in with me, I started noticing a lot of evidence of him looking at porn. Now Im not the type that will totally freak out about that kind of thing. Im aware hes a young man and hes going to be looking at that type of thing weather I like it or not. But it started happening so often that I became really uncomfortable with myself, and losing self worth, feeling second rate to his obsession. I started notcing he wasnt only doing it when sex with me was not available. It was all the time, and Id catch him. Hed tuck me into bed without making a move on me and then Id catch him watching porn 2 minutes later. In the mornings before work I catch him, and he says he dosent have time for sex with me, but he has to scratch the itch, so to speak. I even set his alarm for half an hour ealier than needed so we could have time in the morning, because Id like that too, but it never happens. It became a huge problem, him looking at porn for relief, when Im home, ready, willing and able to be there for him that it turned into a huge fight and he swore with all his heart that it would stop.... but it didnt, I caught him again, and he swore again, this time he seemed more understanding of what it was doing to me and I actually trusted that he was going to stop for sure. Now, about a month later, I know for sure hes done it again. I dont trust him, I feel like crap, despite him saying it has nothing to do with me or my image, and I really dont know what to do anymore. Things are usually great between us. I feel like hes always waiting for a chance for me to be asleep or out of the house so he can run to his stash of porn. So am i totally overreacting? is this a normal thing in relationships? and is it reason to break up? I dont trust that its ever going to stop right now. Should I give it a third chance or face the fact that its just not going to change? Your BF is definitely addicted to porn! This leads into other addictive behaviors, either with sex or some other "fix". If you love him and want the R to work, give him an ultimatum...If he gets help, then you'll know that he's with you because he loves you and does not want to lose you..If he doesn't, then you pretty much know he's just trying to save on rent. Just some food for thought. I've seen this, been through it and know what it's like. It's not a pretty picture on down the road...
Guest Posted March 9, 2007 Posted March 9, 2007 maybe your not performing his fantasy's so he turns to porn, if you want him to stop, you should try intervening while he is doing it, but in a positive way, and dont get mad, be sexy about the whole thing, give a him a BJ, let him know that the real thing is much better. Maybe even encourage him to watch it while you have sex a few times. Better yet you watch and let him catch you masterbating to it, try and get a feel for the situation and whats the best way to change it.
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