AriaIncognito Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Well, my relationship was finally ended. Short lived compared to some I've had (5 months) but this was someone I saw myself with for the long haul. I've posted many threads in the dating forum about us, if youre interested. For some reason, he really enjoyed being with me, but didn't feel himself letting go to fall totally in love. We had some differences (he's jewish I'm not) that would have made the relationship harder than some. I believe those fueled his inability. However I think there was more to it. I'm not sure that he'll open up to the next person that comes along either. Last night we were on the phone for 3 hours, the entire time, we were breaking up. He told me that I deserve someone that will be all that i need them to be, be in the relationship 100%, and he's right. I do. However I was hoping for that from him. He told me he could have just as easily kept it as it was (him being hot with me one minute, and cold the next) but that it wasn't fair to me and he didn't want to keep hurting me. He bawled his eyes out more than any man i've ever been in this situation with. He didn't sound like the man that was walking away from someone he didn't love. He did sound like the man that was walking away because he was afraid to admit he could love. I feel so depressed today. He's what I want in a husband. I told him that. I also told him that I loved him (which i'd never done in the relationship because I didn't want to freak him out since he was non committal) and he told me that he knew I did because he saw it in the way i looked at him. I feel scared. I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel like I'll never find what I so desperately want and deserve. It was so hard to hear him crying over losing me, when he was the one that wasn't giving us a change. It's really hard to not harbor hopes that he'll come around after some time apart, and realize he did love me, but was just afraid. I'm so scared that I'll hold onto this love so much that I won't allow myself to be happy. I hope I can find happiness, somehow. Thanks all for listening. I'm so sick of crying. My head hurts. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Hot and cold is torture. He was right to end it. It has take the decision away from you and given you no choice (which is for the best in the end). Good luck with everything, you sound wonderful, and you deserve much more. Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Sounds almost exactly like the situation i was just in. I say try to put him out of your mind and realize your true worth. There is someone out there that will treat you so much better and will be available, You just have to make yourself available to find them...... Sorry you are going through this, i know it is hard...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 22, 2006 Author Share Posted June 22, 2006 Thanks for the replies, pink and strong. I know I deserve to find someone who will always be hot for me. I just wanted that to be him. Someday, it could be, but he could be too late. I've got to move on, somehow, and hope for the best, whatever that may be. Doesn't make it suck any less right now, though. I miss him. Link to post Share on other sites
trillium Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Our situations do sound very similiar. I know exactly where you're at.. checking the phone, the email to see if the Hollywood ending is coming. I do deeply admire your courage to put it out there and tell him that you loved him and what your dreams with him were. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 24, 2006 Author Share Posted June 24, 2006 I figured, I had nothing to lose. If anything, it gives him more to ponder, if he is. I've spent today trying to get myself angry at him. It's not working. Still want to be with him. Someday, I'll not think about him... Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
trillium Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I figured, I had nothing to lose. If anything, it gives him more to ponder, if he is. I've spent today trying to get myself angry at him. It's not working. Still want to be with him. Someday, I'll not think about him... Jennifer True. But for yourself, you'll have no regrets that you didn't tell him all you were feeling. I wish we could just manufacture anger at will to propel us in the right direction. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 Ariawoman, I'm the guy going through the same thing you are (and hey, also in NJ...I had to read carefully to make sure you weren't HER!!!!) In my case, I'm the one who wants the loving, committed relationship and she didn't (we were together 6 months... another similarity)... Also (lol) I'm Jewish, she's not, but that was not an issue with us.... All of my friends say to just try to let go...that she used me as an "emotional crutch"... I know deep down they are probably right, but I am so heartbroken over this. I've been dumped before, and by women I've dated longer than this, but this one is really tearing me apart... I was always there for her, when she was stressed out from her job, I was there for her to lean on. I always tried to do little things for her to make her smile.... bring her candy, surprise her with a takeout dinner, flowers, just any little touch that might help her smile, even for a moment... And at times, she did that for me, even right up until the end. 4 days before we broke up, she even gave me a really nice gift (some fairly expensive cologne), and we even made love 3 days before the breakup, and we NEVER (at least I never did) had sex "just to do it".... I always make love....with love. I feel betrayed, hurt, and abandoned, and I'm just having a real hard time right now dealing with it. Like you, I'm trying to make myself angry, make me realize she hurt me and that I can do better, but I can't get myself to feel that way. I guess posting on places like this is a good release. Right now, I think I need new friends more than anything, but I miss her so very much..... Anyhow.... I guess it's nice to know others know what I'm going through... Best of luck to you..... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I so understand what your going through. Last week my boyfriend ended our relationship which I thought would last for a life time. Now he's moved on so quickly and I'm not ready....it takes time and it sucks but we'll get through it.;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 I know i'll eventually get through it, but it seems far off. I spent a lot of today hiding the fact that i was crying at my desk at work. I couldn't even help it. The tears just kept starting when they wanted. I miss him. This is now the longest we've been apart since we met. I so want him to contact me and tell me he made a mistake. I know I shouldn't hope for it, and I need to move on, but right now, my heart just doesn't want to. Sadness abounds. I spent the entire weekend alone, didn't go out. Did nothing. Felt like crap too. I hope it stops hurting soon... I have wanted to break NC so badly but i know there's no point. If he doesn't want me, there's no use in contacting him and making a fool of myself. He knows my number if he wants to come crawling back. Ugh. I wish there was a switch to turn off these feelings in me. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
Pantero Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I know i'll eventually get through it, but it seems far off. I spent a lot of today hiding the fact that i was crying at my desk at work. I couldn't even help it. The tears just kept starting when they wanted. I miss him. This is now the longest we've been apart since we met. I so want him to contact me and tell me he made a mistake. I know I shouldn't hope for it, and I need to move on, but right now, my heart just doesn't want to. Sadness abounds. I spent the entire weekend alone, didn't go out. Did nothing. Felt like crap too. I hope it stops hurting soon... I have wanted to break NC so badly but i know there's no point. If he doesn't want me, there's no use in contacting him and making a fool of myself. He knows my number if he wants to come crawling back. Ugh. I wish there was a switch to turn off these feelings in me. Jennifer There is no switch. You will only feel your armor thickening from here on out. Link to post Share on other sites
rugbyrob1990 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Jennifer, I've been reading your posts and I feel you pain BIG TIME! I wish I could help you...I also dated this girl for 4mos and she fired me out of no where.. I thought things were going good, I'm on day 6 of NC and Its killing me, Im soo sad! but it will get better, have you thought of going to your Doc. maybe some meds would help... Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 I tried that route once. The whole "using antidepressants to get over an ex" thing. It didn't do a thing for me. I just need to get over it in time. it sucks, but that really is the only thing that will allow me to move on, eventually. So, time, I am waiting...hurry up and heal me. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I tried that route once. The whole "using antidepressants to get over an ex" thing. It didn't do a thing for me. I just need to get over it in time. it sucks, but that really is the only thing that will allow me to move on, eventually. So, time, I am waiting...hurry up and heal me. Jennifer Kudos on avoiding the meds (IMHO). I have no advice. Only sympathy for you. I hope time hurries to ease the pain you feel. I will also give you a nod for holding strong on the NC. You'll come out of this faster, stronger and better than a lot of others who go through this if you keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 27, 2006 Author Share Posted June 27, 2006 Beginning to wonder how long I can keep it up. I can't imagine I can go months like some people (though I'd hope i'd be over him and be able to be friends, eventually. yes, i know it can be done, as I'm friends with the guy i was with foir 4 years). I just don't know. I still find myself only focused on 1.) his absense from my life 2.) how alone i feel and 3.) how badly i want to contact him. Of course I know all those are wrong, and I'm doing my best to not do any of them, but well, sometimes I feel a prisoner to my brain/heart. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
jhurtinct Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 I am so sorry your going through this right now and nothing I can say will make your heart heal faster, although his lost and all that, you will feel better day by day. Get out have fun, meet new plp ( better looking guys , lol), feel good about yourself. Eventually you will wake up everyday feeling better and better. Good luck I'm trying right now also but situation is different so I have haterd, but a child together (I still have to see him) the above are just somethings that make me feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Try to focus on other things besides not contacting him and dwelling on his absence. These things won't make you feel whole right away but they will make you feel better. At this point feeling even a little better is better than not at all. Link to post Share on other sites
rugbyrob1990 Posted June 27, 2006 Share Posted June 27, 2006 Hang in there girl! I must admit I made a mistake today...I emailed her and said "hi" and of course no response.. I just bring more pain on myself by doing that... She was a great Girl, I think our relationship became to serious too fast and she got scared.. Although I did find out she had a date this weekend and it's all I can do to find out what happened. Of course I think the worst, like they had $%# and fell in love over pizza... lucky basterd! LOL:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 I think that's one reason why we need to try to keep up the NC. When you do break it, and don't hear back, you start to get worried and upset again. And, if you DO hear back, you're not guaranteed to hear something you want to hear. That's prob why it's best to let the dumper contact the dumpee, even though us dumpees reaaaaaaaaaally wanna hear from the dumpers. I know, it sucks. Too bad we dont all live in the same place. We could just all start hanging out with eachother instead of sulking online lol Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
rugbyrob1990 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Jennifer, I know I wish we could also! Have you been out of the house today? Besides work? I was scheduled to fly to DC for work tomorrow, but to tell you the truth I'm going to do a conference call rather than do an overnight! I know I need to move on and I will, but I'm having a hard time focusing right now.. What time is it in Jersey? are you an hour ahead or behind.. Rob:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
rugbyrob1990 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Jennifer, I will be back in an hour so if I don't respond that's why...Rob Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 Jennifer, I know I wish we could also! Have you been out of the house today? Besides work? I was scheduled to fly to DC for work tomorrow, but to tell you the truth I'm going to do a conference call rather than do an overnight! I know I need to move on and I will, but I'm having a hard time focusing right now.. What time is it in Jersey? are you an hour ahead or behind.. Rob:rolleyes: Well if you're in Illinois I believe we are 1 hour ahead of you (eastern standard is 1 hour ahead of central). I've been to the dentist today, does he count?? lol I also went to a convenience store for some dr pepper. lol. Other than that, only work and that was from home today due to my dentist appt so I have only dealt with my dentist, the hygenist, and the convenience store clerk in real life. Online i've talked to lots of people :-) I just made myself do some things to get my mind off of things. I played some Guitar Hero (granted, the ex gave it to me, but i like the game and want to progress) then I did some dishes that have been sitting in the kitchen bothering me for a looong time (since the ex wasn't the ex, actually lol). I feel eh right now. Not severely depressed, not exactly jumping up and down. I guess I at least, feel I accomplished something. I say you go on your overnight. It's fun to stay at hotels. I love it. Plus, it will do you good to get away for a night. You can always log into LS from there ;-) Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
rugbyrob1990 Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 Jennifer, I was so happy to see your message! Thanks for the up-date on your day, I guess we both have to take this thing one day at a time... Where did you and "whats his name" meet? and was it an intense 5mo? I'm so glad I discovered this board, finding out i'm not the only one going through this! I know I'ts late but i hope your still on line... rob Link to post Share on other sites
copper Posted June 28, 2006 Share Posted June 28, 2006 haha ariawoman, my dishes from when my ex wasnt my ex are still sitting in the sink! You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, keep it up. Sometimes the only comforting thing to do is to repeat "things will work out how they need to work out" to yourself. Me, I haven't gotten out of the house nearly enough, barely at all, really. It doesn't help that I live in a strange and alien neighborhood in Hollywood, work from home and dont have a car so I feel very trapped in my head right now . Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted June 28, 2006 Author Share Posted June 28, 2006 I'm sorry copper. yeah, working from home and not getting out much wont help your plight, but it IS good for when you just start bawling at your desk LOL. Monday at work I couldn't stop crying. Luckily nobody seemed to see me, or didn't ask...I hope i do better tomorrow. Today I worked from home and only cried once... Baby steps... I still hope he comes back, someday, and I hope that whatever decision I make, it will be the right one. I just feel such a special connection with him, it's inexplicable. I didn't feel it with my last few...and I really don't want to give it up, unless I absolutely have to. Well, I mean, I dont want to give up hope on it, unless I have to, as technically, I'm already without the relationship. I just keep hoping that time will bring us together, if it's what's meant to be... Chin up copper. We will all get through this together, somehow. Seems our stories share too many similarities at times....scary. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
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