electric_sheep Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I used to feel like surely, in this day and age, the relations between the sexes had evolved to a point where men and women could enter into a relationship that was truly based on equality, mutual respect for each other, kindness and sensitivity. In hindsight I realize how naive that was. Most relationships I've been in are more like emotional power struggles than anything else. The women is totally in control in the beginning stages. The less considerate among them will, at this point, use this power imbalance to their favor. They will be as disrespectful, inconsiderate, and manipulative as they think they can get away with ... all the while keeping their little sensors out for any signs that you are pulling away, in which case they will let up and give you just enough love and consideration to keep you from leaving. I'm not sure if it's the rush of power that they are after, or what ? I think it's undeniable though that many women relish this initial sense of control. I think maybe part of it is they want to punish you for the sins of the guy in their last relationship. They call this being "hung up" on their ex. This is the phase when you are completely and madly in love with them. Then the point eventually arrives where you simply have had enough of all the emotional sadism and manipulation, the levee breaks and you completely snap ... you just don't care anymore. You may just completely fall out of love at this point, or, if your self-esteem is not up to snuff and you are a bit masochistic, you may find yourself plagued by that insidious love/hate mix. Either way, you finally reach the conclusion that you may in fact be far better off without this person than with them. You finally start standing up for yourself, and pushing back when pushed. In fact, it's not uncommon to even go overboard at this point. After all, negativity and spitfulness have been accumulating like lice on your soul. The naive, thoughtful, and considerate person you once were is suddenly replaced by this cynical, almost menacing alpha male personality ... ready to punch back with a vengence at the drop of a dime. As for them, they can sense this tectonic shift in your feelings, and it literally scares the s*** out of them. They re-access the relationship and suddenly realize that they have been a bitch and an idiot all this time, and that you are a truly wonderful guy and that they couldn't stand to be without you. This is when they fall madly in love with you. Now you are the one with the power.
SmoochieFace Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Not all relationships are like this. There are good ones indeed. My current relationship is nothing like what you are describing. No power trips, no emotional manipulation, no control from either side. Just cooperation, respect, and love.
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Just cooperation, respect, and love. Very true. That and never go to bed angry with your spouse. Golden rule around here at my house. Though I must say, pulling the Dutch Oven on my unsuspecting hubby once in a while is quite fun!
SmoochieFace Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Very true. That and never go to bed angry with your spouse. Golden rule around here at my house. Though I must say, pulling the Dutch Oven on my unsuspecting hubby once in a while is quite fun! Y'know... I just don't understand this need for control of another person. Is it insecurity? Low self-esteem? *shaking head* BTW...what do you mean by *pulling the Dutch Oven*?
Outcast Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 BTW...what do you mean by *pulling the Dutch Oven*? You don't want to know. There's two schools of thought: the 'let it all hang out' school and the 'treat the other person with respect' school. Guess which the 'oven' belongs to? Hint: it's not pulling a finger but along those lines.
crazy_grl Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 electric sheep, it sounds like you haven't gotten to know the women you've gotten involved with well enough to start a relationship with them. Take your time in the future and find out whether she'd make a good gf. Get to know her, how her previous relationships worked out, how she treats her friends, etc. before you give her your heart. Don't just go gaga over a girl because she's got a shiny wrapper.
SmoochieFace Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 You don't want to know. There's two schools of thought: the 'let it all hang out' school and the 'treat the other person with respect' school. Guess which the 'oven' belongs to? Hint: it's not pulling a finger but along those lines. Oh okay. Thanks.
Recommended Posts