Chump64 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 I can never understand why some people cannot forgive their cheating spouse either. Sometimes, sex is just sex. A marriage is a thousand fold more complicated than extramarital affairs. But I have also accepted that it is mainly an individual stance. Some people view cheating as the final straw while others view it as the first straw in the fall out of a marriage. You are right, this is such an individual thing. I think what I find to be most irritating are the people who bleat out and insist they would immediately leave. These are always, always people who have not been through infideilty. What if your spouse is worth saving? I mean, if he's a schmuck and has other qualities that suck, ditch him. But what if he is a really good person, father and has other great qualities? If that's the case, why wouldn't you at least consider trying to get past your own hurt pride to think -- at the very least -- about working things out? People are eager to take betrayal so personally. Often it's a symptom of the cheater's own problems and immaturity, not so much a reflection on YOU, the BS. I see a few people here whose cheating spouses are clearly not interested in cleaning up their acts. I'm not talking about people like that. I'm talking about spouses who are truly remorseful and are committed to figuring out WTF is wrong with them / committed to fixing things and fixing their marriages.
RecordProducer Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 I think cheaters stay married and cheat for the same reasons why betrayed spouses stay married to the cheaters (not talking about those who have forgiven affairs and are willing to give it another try). I know for sure that my husband would divorce me, not cheat on me, if he wasn't satisfied with me as a wife. On that note, the possibility of divorce is hovering above my head and I know I can't afford to be a terrible wife if I want to be married to him. If I do something wrong, he will probably not let it go; he'll keep trying to fix the problem without giving up and cowardly seeking comfort in another woman. He respects himself too much to constantly take s*** from me or anyone else for too long. He dumped his first wife after 14 months of marriage and his second wife after a couple years (they were both drug addicts and lots more). He has no reason to live with me if he is not happy with me and he has no reason to cheat on me if he is happy with me. Or at least I believe he is this way. My ex-boyfriend decided to leave his wife after 8 years, because he realized that he didn't love her anymore. They had joint assets and he didn't like the financial outcome, but he couldn't live with her anymore. I think it takes inner peace and strength to be content with your comfortable family life and not seek excitement or attention on aside. It also takes the mentality of seeing your wife as a friend and lover (as oppose to the Madonna/whore mindset). You love and respect her as a friend enough to not betray her and you fulfill your sexual needs with the woman you adore; and can't imagine sleeping with that hoe that eats your cock with her eyes. As for why women cheat... women are naturally less stable attention whores. "My husband doesn't pay attention to me... my husband doesn't find me desirable anymore... my husband works all the time..." - women cheat when they feel neglected and after failing to make their husbands meet their emotional needs. Women cheat because their husbands are good fathers and providers, but the chemistry is no longer there. People who insist on chemistry and suffer when it fades out one bit are the once most prone to cheating. When is cheating justified? Ask yourself when will you find it justified if your partner cheated on you. Never! Right?
RecordProducer Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 I mean, if he's a schmuck and has other qualities that suck, ditch him. But what if he is a really good person, father and has other great qualities? If that's the case, why wouldn't you at least consider trying to get past your own hurt pride to think -- at the very least -- about working things out? People are eager to take betrayal so personally. Often it's a symptom of the cheater's own problems and immaturity, not so much a reflection on YOU, the BS. I hate doing this to people who already suffer enough, but this time I am really confused and wish to learn how your mind works. Is he a great person or someone with personal problems and immature? I, personally, would be more prone to forgive an affair if I though it was MY fault - if I mistreated my husband in many ways for many years and he was just desperate and missing my love. But it sounds like you've been a good wife and he just stabbed you. And he did it for a very long time. He lived a bigamous life. I am thinking twice before posting this and pouring salt on your wounds, but I think you're in denial that you will ever get over this. If you can - good for you. But if you can't, you will just live in agony for many years from now. This exactly is the reason why most people say they would dump the cheater: because it takes a year or two to get over your ex and never ever think about how much they hurt you. Once you're over it, you meet someone new and don't suffer anymore. And if you stay married, you will bleed for years, possibly forever. I see a few people here whose cheating spouses are clearly not interested in cleaning up their acts. I'm not talking about people like that. I'm talking about spouses who are truly remorseful and are committed to figuring out WTF is wrong with them / committed to fixing things and fixing their marriages.You think I am a bitch for writing this and I agree with you: how remorseful can one be after 10 years of cheating?! You caught him, he denied, you cornered him with clear evidence and he suddenly became remorseful? If you had never caught him, he would have never gotten remorseful. Ten years of repeating the same mistake is too long to NOT consider something a serious character flaw of the person making it. If you drive drunk and run over someone with your car, we'll all believe you that you feel terrible about it. But if you hit ten people and ran away each time, kept driving drunk then got caught and now claim you're remorseful, nobody will buy it.
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