She's the best thing to ever happen to me.. Now she's gone

[peachfuzz]

She texted me today and said "U gettin insurance for your new car in your name" She is trying to start a war? We had agreement for me paying health benefits and her pay the car insurance. But now she's wanting to throw stones and play hardball? WTF now. I didn't write back to her like advised by you guys. I can't cancel the health benefits until november so she was gonna continue with the car insurance in her name. They were virtually break even. I feel like asking her "money not holding out"? I know i shouldn't. Kenyth are there any stones i could possible throw back at her?

[peachfuzz]

Oh yeah.. I got about 6 good.. good.. pics of her?? Is that out of the question? Or could that bite me in the ass?

[Kenyth]

Don't lower yourself and act the ass. Of course you're getting insurance for YOUR car in YOUR name only. That should be f#$@%ng obvious. Tell her as much. The best thing you can do is ignore her and arrange your life as you would if she didn't exist. Remove her from all benefits you legally can. Don't pay for anything for her you don't legally have to. Change your will if you have one. If you have property in both your names (this sucks!), arrange to have it sold. If she won't let you sell it, use it yourself until the courts tell you different or drop it off at her new abode and refuse to make payments if you can't afford it. I don't know what your abilities and arrangements are. It will hurt your credit, but you have to do what you have to do. Remove her presence from your home/apt. by removing any of her stuff and boxing it up. Redecorate in a manly fashion. Preferably one she wouldn't like. Start erasing her from your life. She doesn't want to be in it anyhow, right? Not letting her get under your skin is going to be irritating enough to her. Not responding to silly s*** or telling her to leave you well enough alone unless it's important is a good start.

[peachfuzz]

Alright lil more news. My parents have been buggin me to get the wedding band but not the diamond back from her. She, it just so happened me and my mother bumped into a mutual friend whom she dropped it off with at the mall to bring to me. Undoubtedly, she still does not have the balls to meet me in person, still. This mutual friend is also the one whom i spoke with for about 2 hours on the tele 4 nights ago that was hurt to find out that my wife (whom probly is her one and only true friend, or so she thought) could have stooped this low. She is the one i was telling i want out of the relationship and giving me advice on what steps to take to file for divorce. Kinda recommending i'm proving good grounds for it. I hear that she mentions to her "You need to tell him what you want to do." "You need to let (me) know if you want to try and work anything out" "He said he wants a divorce and i think he is gonna do it asap" She also told her that she told me if i wanted to do it then to go ahead and do it and I AM. Her response was.. "oh" and that was it, with a blank expression on her face. Like someone told her she couldn't have a lollipop and ran over her puppy. I was so certain as mean as she has been and inconsiderate of my feelings this would come as to no shock to her and she would be glad for it. But that's not the case, she had no idea i would cross the legal line. What the f$%& is... ? why.. ? Ughh... I'm so damn confused now and have already put my collateral down on the legal. But again this is her f@#$@#$@ fault for playing the quiet game ignoring me when i'm trying to talk to her and tellin me to calm down and dont get all pissy when she is the one "talking to someone" right?? FYI the blank look and the "oh" tells a lot with her. She never expresses anykind of excitement or emotion out loud. You can just tell. So what now.. I'm not making contact with her right now also. Does it sound like a plan all along to come back ? (teach me a lesson of some sort) ? Oh, Of course i will be able to come back to him he would never let go of me. ?? I need help. And i'm sry i can't calm down about it, it does consume me but i'm not contacting her. Actually i felt more lonesome today than ever. Seeing a photo of her would have made me smile. Then weep. I dont even know for sure she has done anything with this jon. But i again saw the call records. I will post them on the next one.

[peachfuzz]

Date/Time/?/Minutes/Sammy

 

4-May 04:02PM P 4 (864)567-6334

5-May 05:15PM P 2 (864)567-6334

5-May 05:31PM P 8 (864)567-6334

5-May 06:15PM P 3 (864)567-6334

11-May 04:20PM P 6 (864)567-6334

12-May 04:32PM P 3 (864)567-6334

15-May 05:34PM P 6 (864)567-6334

16-May 04:52PM P 2 (864)567-6334

16-May 05:09PM P 1 (864)567-6334

16-May 08:11PM P 8 (864)567-6334

17-May 04:53PM P 2 (864)567-6334

18-May 03:58PM P 2 (864)567-6334

18-May 08:22PM P 1 (864)567-6334

19-May 10:30PM O 10 (864)567-6334

20-May 09:04AM W 1 (864)567-6334

21-May 04:06PM W 2 (864)567-6334

21-May 04:44PM W 1 (864)567-6334

21-May 04:58PM W 2 (864)567-6334

21-May 09:07PM W 2 (864)567-6334

22-May 05:13PM P 4 (864)567-6334

22-May 05:14PM P 4 (864)567-6334

23-May 04:32PM P 7 (864)567-6334

23-May 04:51PM P 2 (864)567-6334

24-May 04:56PM P 2 (864)567-6334

24-May 05:01PM P 1 (864)567-6334

24-May 05:53PM P 4 (864)567-6334

 

 

Lots of short calls.. yet soo many back to back ?? Started on May 4th and picked up from there. He goes to work about 2 hours before she arrives and she leave around 4-5 everyday. I get off work at 8:15 and home by 20 til 9:00. Playing my xbox. Sneaky b$@@tch in the bedroom talkin to him on the phone. Anyone have some insight on the funny pattern in those calls? She left on the 25th. and had her number changed. Why so many short back to back calls?? She'll call him in the morning after coffee and on the way home from work. She has never talked to this guy before on the phone. Then she starts talking to him everyday. Has to be promiscouisity right? Plus the fact she says she is talkig to him. Arghh.. i'm beating myself up i know.

[Kenyth]

Once again, the look don't mean squat and the why of the phone calls doesn't matter either. Don't peel scabs. It only hurts more and takes it longer to heal. The blank look is the shock factor of you doing something ballsy. It's the glimmer of her being unsure and rethinking a few things. A good thing regardless of where it leads. Hey, if she want's to talk seriously, let her chase you down. She did the running off, she can do the running back. Just make sure the talk is worth your time. Just make sure if she comes back, and you want it, you do counseling together and YOU set the rules with her social activities until you feel secure lover boy is out of the picture for good. Personally, I don't think this will happen. The kind of person who starts an affair is also unlikely to come back for a worse deal than they left under.

[Lennox]

Good god, I wouldn't want to have that cell phone right now! lol

 

You deserve to be treated better. You will find better, I guarantee you!

[scrybe74]

Once again, the look don't mean squat and the why of the phone calls doesn't matter either. Don't peel scabs. It only hurts more and takes it longer to heal. The blank look is the shock factor of you doing something ballsy. It's the glimmer of her being unsure and rethinking a few things. A good thing regardless of where it leads. Hey, if she want's to talk seriously, let her chase you down. She did the running off, she can do the running back. Just make sure the talk is worth your time. Just make sure if she comes back, and you want it, you do counseling together and YOU set the rules with her social activities until you feel secure lover boy is out of the picture for good. Personally, I don't think this will happen. The kind of person who starts an affair is also unlikely to come back for a worse deal than they left under.

 

Once again Kenyth nails it on the head for you. YOU didn't do anything wrong but right now you're trying to second guess her and wondering if you're doing the right thing by not contacting her. What you're feeling is a loss of control of the situation and you start to negotiate in your head. "If I call her....if I can just talk to her maybe she'll realize what a mistake she made".

 

Don't count on it. You HAVE to remember that she's laying in another man's bed right now snuglling up to another man. She's definitely slept with him by now and you need to remember that. You don't need her to admit it. She WON'T admit it. She WANTS you to keep second guessing her and waiting for her. She knows you better than anyone else so she's made her move. She's not worried about you right now cuz she thinks you'll just sit at home and worry about her. And she's right. Time to make her wrong.

 

As for the pictures you have of her....don't be an ass. Keep them to yourself. They're yours but don't do anything to her. The best way to hurt to is to make her not exist to you anymore.

[peachfuzz]

I need to e-mail you guys some photo's of events that happened yesterday. It got word to my father that her and sammy were on their way to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. He busts in on them and takes a picture when they are taking the first bite of their food. And then walks closer and takes another. And says Hey son! you must be Sammy, Well this is my daughter-in-law Tish. Tish you look so pretty smile for me now and takes another. And looks at sammy and says I guess i need one of you too.. Smile! Ok yall i dont think it flashed. I'm gonna need a couple more. He took a couple more.. lol. She is screaming his name "What are you doing" "I'm taking me some pictures what does it look like?" "Stop! you're embarrasing me! Stop!" "No, hun i want some pictures of my daughter-in-law and her new boyfriend" They left and didn't even eat he followed them out and taking more pictures of them getting into the car that he bought for her. I think this was the greatest non-episode of cheaters that I have ever seen. Even though I was not there. Would you guys like the pictures? Send me your e-mail addy. What do you guys think about this?? I think it rocks!! Immediately after he got word back to me I wrote them both a text message "Smile! Say Cheese!.. lol" That's the best non-drug related high I have ever experienced and now I think i'm hooked.

 

ps

Kenyth.. Are you proud of me ? You are my inspiration. We need to have a beer you are the bomb and put a good touch to your posts.

[shakedatbody]

Hey there, it's absolutely normal to feel angry in marriage, you dont have to be depressed about that. I understand what you are going through, and perhaps, you will be able to understand more if you read the thread located the following site:

 

Am pretty sure that you will understand more about it, and be able to get some solutions.

[jmargel]

lol.. gotta give credit to your dad. He just needs to be careful not to pursue that any further so he doesn't get charged for harassment.

 

Go through with the divorce. The only way your wife is going to think about you in a good way is to actually show confidence. Women love that so when you are at the lawyer's office or demanding that she remove her things remember that back in your mind.

 

When I was engaged and she moved out (she was cheating on my with my now ex-best friend) she intentionally kept her wedding dress there & a box of belongings. I would often ask her to remove her stuff yet she wouldn't. I then one day took her stuff and placed it in the middle of his mom's yard (it so happened that his mom lived next door to my parents).

 

We know you love her and it hurts. However a relationship won't work unless both parties put 100% into it. She's investing 0% right now. Don't romanticize the past. If I were to do that I would want to leave my wife right now & get back with my ex. When you think about her think of all the hurtful things she's done. But you also need to reflect back on what YOU did.

 

The problems you two had with this OM just didn't come outta the blue. You two had problems before then and it started with communication problems. It took me 3 months of self-pity and feeling like it was all her fault before I truly started to see what I did wrong in the relationship. No it was not a reason for her to cheat but I had to take responsibility for what I did wrong. Instead of playing xbox everynight and ignoring her don't you think even doing something little like going for a walk with her might benefit you two? Really reflect back on YOURSELF. It may hurt but IMO it's something you need to do for yourself.

[sugarplum]

I haven't checked this thread for a while...been distracted by another one (you know the one I mean, scrybe ). I just can't believe the picture taking thing! What a cool dad! Oh what fun! I hope I am never in a situation to act in a similar fashion, but I will have to remember this one! That's quite funny. I can just imagine the other faces in the restaraunt! They sure had something to talk about over their meals!

[peachfuzz]

Notice she's not wearing the ring. And she won't give it back. "You have everything else dont be greedy". Not my fault she choose to do this. I also have text records i just got in the mail. They texted each other back and forth on our anniversary May 21st from 2:36pm till 11:something that night. They were doing that in between the times they couldn't talk on the phone everyday. She accidentally wrote me one that night from the bedroom i remember. I asked her "Why did you just txt me and say "yea i know" or "yes it is" or something like that?" My dumbass never thought nothing of it and went back to the TV. I should have been more alert. All day i've been saying I should have.. and If only I had of... There just no damn easy way out of this struggle with my mind!!!!

[sugarplum]

She accidentally wrote me one that night from the bedroom i remember. I asked her "Why did you just txt me and say "yea i know" or "yes it is" or something like that?"

 

This sounds a lot like another thread I was reading the other day where a husband accidentally called the wife instead of the OW and started talking about how the "ex" wife officially moved out - only she wasn't an ex (yet) and hadn't moved out! I think when she informed him that she was indeed the wife he was claiming to not have, he pretended he made the call in his sleep or something. Anyway, it just goes to show that when someone is involved in a big cover-up, they can't keep it all together and they end up slipping somewhere. Eventually, it catches up with you. But don't be down on yourself for being trusting while she took advantage of that!

[sugarplum]

I am sure these pictures could be painful to look at right now...but one day you will look at them and laugh your ass off!

[peachfuzz]

Guys, I just got word and proof that My wife and her boyfriend sammy tortilla are planning something for this weekend and have both gotten off of work starting on Friday the 7th through Sunday this weekend. The 7th is her birthday I planned on mailing some roses to her with a card. They are planning something for the weekend now and have both gotten off of work. OMG i'm about to go crazy over this s***. This is just as bold and as s***ty careless as anything she has ever done to me yet. what do i do. help me please i'm fearing the worse without some guidance from you folks. i'm not doing so good right now..... sincerely.. what to do? i'm nervous as s*** right now i just found out. i dont feel so good this is a big blow help!

[Lennox]

She's made her choice apparently and I know you're hurting...but man I wish you could see your future right now! You sound like a really nice guy and a great catch. You're going to have a lady just bonkers over you that is way better than your wife is.

 

It's so horrible, to be right smack in the middle of that hurt like you are right now. There's nothing that you can possibly do about it though. Other than maybe seeing your doctor about putting you on anti depressants at least temporarily while you digest everything that is happening and begin planning your future. This really sucks. Im sorry

[Kenyth]

Fuzzy, you're slipping again. WTF do you want to go sending her roses for? If I was to come over and punch you in the gut, would you hand me a $20 bill? Boy, you're a glutton for punishment! Now you're flipping out because the guy you know she's been screwing a wile now is going out of town with her? This surprises you? Pull yourself together man! You're obsessed! Have you filed divorce yet? I'm guessing not. When are you gonna face up that this is over? THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER! The fat lady has sung. Everyone has left the building but you and you're sitting in there all alone with the lights out. This show is over, but rest assured there will be others. Right now, it's time to leave and go home. To start putting this behind you. I know it hurts, but your wounds won't start healing until you pull your hand out of the trap.

 

"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even knew we had the key." - The Eagles-Already Gone

 

A good song for you to listen to.

[jmargel]

Ken is right. It is over. You need to see a counselor for this. You aren't insane it's just the way you are coping with this. Look up the 5 stages of grief, I believe you are still in the denial stage.

 

I was once there where you are now. It's an awful feeling because you truly don't know 'what' caused all of this. What you did to deserve this? Over time you will realize the problems in your relationship BUT her cheating is never an excuse or a reason to do what she's has done.

 

It took my ex 3 years before she knocked on my door one day to ask for forgiveness due to her immaturity. She finally put the total blame on herself. Until your wife can see her problems this relationship with this new man will fail as well. However that does not mean she'll come back to you and even if she does the problems between you two will remain.

 

Start setting short goals for yourself & try to make yourself happy. You are basing your self-worth and your life on this woman. Take steps to break away from the dependency on her. Just because you move on with your life doesn't mean you are ending it with her. She already has. Let her make her mistakes.

[Kenyth]

Fuzzy, I'm trying to save you a lot of pain here. When I think back on how I handled things, it sickens me. The wasted time, excessive drinking, and depression are the worst. It's like my whole life went on hold because I wasn't willing to face that it was over, and live my life as such. What should have taken twelve months tops and left me with custody of my son and child support, was drug out for years, and contributed directly to her getting back custody. I also soaked up all the financial burden of the day care years because I didn't wan't to make her pay child support. That's just my side of it. On her side, it screwed up her new marriage. On my sons side, it gave him recurrent false hope that his parents were getting back together, and caused him to resent his step-parent greatly for interfering. As a result, he lived in a three ring circus for part of his childhood. I allowed him to live with her for a while when she asked. That was the main reason for my loss of custody. So you see, living in limbo does nobody any good at all. It will waste precious years of your life and complicate matters greatly. If I'd have treated her as she deserved from the beginning, and exacted my due, I'd have a lot more sanity, money, and time well spent. As it is, I spent a high price on a fools errand. You have to have the courage to say when it's enough, step back, find resolution, and move on. It's the only way.

[peachfuzz]

I'm really sorry for posting this question as blunt as it may seem. This has been suggested to me by many friends many many many times, as how to get this girl out of my head. I'm worried that I will quickly get emotionally attached to the first girl i reach out to. Counselor told me it may be a mistake and give myself more time to heal? Is a getting a new lay the easiest and quickest way to get her out of your head? If i'm up for it?? Or is this a bad idea and will only be a bigger headache for myself? I can if i want.. like now, that's not an issue. But is that subjecting myself to her level or not being true to myself cause I probly dont care for the person/persons?? help! As for as being in denial. Some days i feel sometimes like today i feel like a cocky a**h***. I've dropped from a 42 to 38in waist since she's left and might be able to squeeze into 36 by now... (havn't checked lately) But The confidence expressed on my face shows that i am bringing something to the table besides rice and refried beans! I'm ready to see what this world and God has in store for me! And I can tell i'm already a stonger more focused person developing a new uniqueness about myself. "There's a lot you dont know about me, come inside take a look. Discover that you enjoy discovering. And then you might find yourself involved with your new discovery without noticing what your heart has just found" Ok i probly need to leave the poetry behind, but you get my drift.

[scrybe74]

Ken is right. It is over. You need to see a counselor for this. You aren't insane it's just the way you are coping with this. Look up the 5 stages of grief, I believe you are still in the denial stage.

 

I was once there where you are now. It's an awful feeling because you truly don't know 'what' caused all of this. What you did to deserve this? Over time you will realize the problems in your relationship BUT her cheating is never an excuse or a reason to do what she's has done.

 

It took my ex 3 years before she knocked on my door one day to ask for forgiveness due to her immaturity. She finally put the total blame on herself. Until your wife can see her problems this relationship with this new man will fail as well. However that does not mean she'll come back to you and even if she does the problems between you two will remain.

 

Start setting short goals for yourself & try to make yourself happy. You are basing your self-worth and your life on this woman. Take steps to break away from the dependency on her. Just because you move on with your life doesn't mean you are ending it with her. She already has. Let her make her mistakes.

 

 

....it took her 3 years? Just out of curiosity - what did she say and have you spoken to her since? How'd you feel about it when she showed up? Where did her choices lead her?

[peachfuzz]

I've since moved on and moved into 3 other relationships that have not seemed to work out. I fall hard and I fall too fast. Any other advice you can give me to not feel so lonesome? I guess I move and get a little to aggressive when I'm supposed to just be dating. But I've learned from my mistakes and ready to make any pretty girl happy to be with me.

[peachfuzz]

My Divorce is final within the next week from now. Yay! but I'm still gonna be here by myself and i'm ready to start a family. Where do I go from here?

[jmargel]

....it took her 3 years? Just out of curiosity - what did she say and have you spoken to her since? How'd you feel about it when she showed up? Where did her choices lead her?

 

Sorry about that.. I didn't know you asked a question.

 

Yep, took my ex 3 years. What happened was we just moved into our house, she going to school not working much, while I was working. Her family life was very troubled, alot of abuse. I knew she never really got to experience life when she was 15-20 yrs old, since she had to raise her sister basically. About 6 months before her leaving her dad tried commiting suicide, as you can expect she was 'daddy's little girl', the abuse came from her mom. This crushed her and that night when it happened I knew our relationship would spiral downard. She started talking to my now ex-best friend, which one thing led to another. She left, married & had a kid with him. She ended up divorcing him (guess he cheated) and married & had a kid with his friend.. I know, very messed up.

 

When she came over that day, she was still married (to my ex friend) and asked if she could talk to me. She said that the past 3 years she had alot of guilt on what she did and asked me for my forgiveness. I did forgive her and told her that part of me still loves you, even though things ended the way they did. I also told her about the mistakes I made and that it took me about 6 months after her leaving for me to stop placing all the blame on her and to soul-search and discover what I did wrong. When she left she didn't want to stop hugging me, and I have to admit I didn't want to either. She was my first love and we had so much in common. Actually I think we have more in common than what I do now with my wife.

 

In any event, I found someone else and the last time I saw her was in a restuarant. The hostess seated us right near her & husband (my ex friend). It was wierd but I didn't talk to her. I got an email from her two days later saying that she felt uncomfortable in that situation and seeing my fiance.

 

Since then I haven't heard from her. When she married the second guy, she has a daughter by him now & a son from my ex-friend. On top of that he (the ex-friend) lives with his mom now, which coincedinally lives right next door to my folks. He's talked to my brother asking if he should apologize to me. I told him to relay the message back that I don't want any part of him, he's nothing but full of lies.

 

I feel bad for my ex-fiancee because I know all she really wanted in life was to be truly loved. I made mistakes (never cheated) but didn't show her all the time that I did. She also needed alot of counseling due to the abuse she's gotten. A very bright girl who could have gotten so far in life. Now she is on her second marriage, to a guy who works at a convience store, while they both live in his parent's basement. She is collecting food stamps trying to raise her two kids. I could easily laugh at her and say she deserved it for what she did to me, but I can't. She was there alot of times when I needed her and gave me some memories that I could never forget.

 

It would be nice to talk to her again, to see how life is treating her but I wouldn't out of respect for my wife. All I hope is that she is truly happy in life and that God really gives her what she needs.