lonely nights

[allina]

It's only been two and a half weeks since my ex left. I've been going out, spending time with friends and occupying myself. Sometimes I feel great, and other times moving on seems so distant. It's the worst at night, when I'm home alone, just thinking about him and what went wrong. It's those times where all I want to do is chain smoke and cry my eyes out. How do you get past those times? What do you do?!?

[Pyro]

It's only been two and a half weeks since my ex left. I've been going out, spending time with friends and occupying myself. Sometimes I feel great, and other times moving on seems so distant. It's the worst at night, when I'm home alone, just thinking about him and what went wrong. It's those times where all I want to do is chain smoke and cry my eyes out. How do you get past those times? What do you do?!?

 

Oh wow, that brings back memories. I remember those nights well. I understand what you are going through and it does suck. In the end, it will be time that will truly heal you. Its going to be difficult but the best is to keep yourself occupied. I got a membership at the gym because I had to keep myself occupied. Writing was always a good help for me as well. Be creative. Try new things, stuff that will keep your mind occupied.

[allina]

Oh wow, that brings back memories. I remember those nights well. I understand what you are going through and it does suck. In the end, it will be time that will truly heal you. Its going to be difficult but the best is to keep yourself occupied. I got a membership at the gym because I had to keep myself occupied. Writing was always a good help for me as well. Be creative. Try new things, stuff that will keep your mind occupied.

 

Thanks, I always appreciate your input. I know that I will be fine but at times I just can't envision being over it. It freaks me out how when I'm out with friends I can feel great but once I get home all that happiness goes to s***. I've had really bad insomnia too, I wish there were more distractions available at 3am.

[Pyro]

Thanks, I always appreciate your input. I know that I will be fine but at times I just can't envision being over it. It freaks me out how when I'm out with friends I can feel great but once I get home all that happiness goes to s***. I've had really bad insomnia too, I wish there were more distractions available at 3am.

 

Thanks for the compliment.

 

I use to suffer from insomnia and loss of appetite. I always dreaded when the night out with friends was over. Why don't you ask to crash at your friends house sometimes? I was able to catch up on alot of movies and reading with my insomnia. You'll be fine, just take it one day at a time. LS is up at 3 A.M. What better distraction then us?

[allina]

Thanks for the compliment.

 

LS is up at 3 A.M. What better distraction then us?

 

:laugh: And I'm usually here at 3am, and the funny thing is, it actually does help me feel less lost and alone

[Pyro]

:laugh: And I'm usually here at 3am, and the funny thing is, it actually does help me feel less lost and alone

 

Glad that we all can help. You are always welcome. Subscribe to some of threads and let the good times roll.

[the_alchemyst]

Hmm. I usually chain smoke and cry my eyes out.

 

Just like you, I too feel fine when I'm out with other people watching movies, walking around plazas, or simply driving around with pointing out to funny looking things on the scenery.

 

But you have to understand that it is normal to be happy when you are with others--your mind is occupied by happy people and happy moments. That is, the present is happy, and you're not thinking about the past (the exbf) or about the future (in a way, the exbf).

 

You're happy because you are happy in the moment.

 

Of course, when you get home and you are alone and you begin to let your thoughts wonder--well, that's where the sadness kicks in.

 

I completely agree with you that dealing with the loneliness is worse at night; I feel the exact same way.

 

Unfortunately, there isn't all that much you can do at the late hours (unless you're out with others). But I guess that's where LS is the most helpful.

 

Either that or you could try to read (Midsummer Night's Dream, maybe?), watch TV, pop in a movie, browse the net, call someone, write, and so on.

 

I know that I tend to spend a lot of time on the PC, especially late at night. If not, I'll watch some anime.

 

Other times, unfortunately, I tend to go outside to smoke my lungs to death, only to come to bed to cry. I try not to do this often, though, because it's not healthy at all.

 

I swear, there should be a thread for us night owls.

[allina]

Subscribe to some of threads and let the good times roll.

 

This I am confused by, subscribe whaaaa???

[Pyro]

This I am confused by, subscribe whaaaa???

 

My bad, that is the technical lingo around here. Subscribing to a thread, means to take part in one, you know, leave a post like you have been.

[allina]

Hmm. I usually chain smoke and cry my eyes out.

 

Just like you, I too feel fine when I'm out with other people watching movies, walking around plazas, or simply driving around with pointing out to funny looking things on the scenery.

 

But you have to understand that it is normal to be happy when you are with others--your mind is occupied by happy people and happy moments. That is, the present is happy, and you're not thinking about the past (the exbf) or about the future (in a way, the exbf).

 

You're happy because you are happy in the moment.

 

Of course, when you get home and you are alone and you begin to let your thoughts wonder--well, that's where the sadness kicks in.

 

I completely agree with you that dealing with the loneliness is worse at night; I feel the exact same way.

 

Unfortunately, there isn't all that much you can do at the late hours (unless you're out with others). But I guess that's where LS is the most helpful.

 

Either that or you could try to read (Midsummer Night's Dream, maybe?), watch TV, pop in a movie, browse the net, call someone, write, and so on.

 

I know that I tend to spend a lot of time on the PC, especially late at night. If not, I'll watch some anime.

 

Other times, unfortunately, I tend to go outside to smoke my lungs to death, only to come to bed to cry. I try not to do this often, though, because it's not healthy at all.

 

I swear, there should be a thread for us night owls.

 

 

Thanks, I've been reading your threads, and I relate to so much you have said in them. I'm at the computer mosts of these nights as well. I want to cut down in the self destructive behavior like the chain smoking, I hate the idea that I'm hurting my body because some guy didn't want to be with me. And hurray for midsummer night's dream, I have the book and the movie

[allina]

My bad, that is the technical lingo around here. Subscribing to a thread, means to take part in one, you know, leave a post like you have been.

 

Haha okay, I thought I was missing something

[Pyro]

Alright everyone, I am off to bed to get some sleep and dream about pink undies.

 

Allina, I hope that we all have been a big help tonight in regards to your coping. Just hang in there and you'll be just fine. Time is what will heal you.

[AriaIncognito]

Coping is definitely hard. Last night we broke up. Today, well, I kinda didn't find my way to work. I took a mental health day. I cried a little, but then i made myself leave the house. I ran some errands and came home. Then, I actually forced myself to go back to the gym for the first time in over a year (i had quit the gym sometime in the past year or two and was exercising off and on at home) but i rejoined the gym back in May and never found my way back there. I felt great when I was there, meaning, I felt good about myself. That I was doing something positive instead of sitting home crying, but as soon as I got home, I cried. It's like as soon as I'm not doing anything, it hits me. I'm alone. He doesn't love me. He doesn't know if he wants to be with me, so he left, and I'm left here with a broken heart.

 

It sucks. All we can do, is try to keep busy, and hope it works until our hearts mend, our exes come back, or we find new loves. I'll take any of those three, I guess, though my preference right now only 1 day into it, is number 2.

 

Jennifer

[BrandonBP]

As soon as I got home, I cried. It's like as soon as I'm not doing anything, it hits me. I'm alone. He doesn't love me. He doesn't know if he wants to be with me, so he left, and I'm left here with a broken heart.

 

It sucks. All we can do, is try to keep busy, and hope it works until our hearts mend, our exes come back, or we find new loves. I'll take any of those three, I guess, though my preference right now only 1 day into it, is number 2.

 

Jennifer

I feel exactly the same way. I want so badly to meet someone new. I know that there's a reason for all of this, and I know that it has to be that I'm supposed to meet someone else. Or to straighten me out and get back with my ex. I don't really know at all what the whole purpose is.

 

Like you, I want so badly for the reason to be so that things will be better between me and my ex-fiance, but if the reason is for me to find someone new, then by gosh please BRING HER TO ME NOW SO I CAN STOP FEELING LIKE CRAP!

 

I don't know what to do. I'll be better tomorrow. I'm going skydiving in the morning and I know I'll be high on adreneline for two or three days, then I'll start to miss her again. I'll try to keep thinking about this wonderful new hobby and then I'll wish that she was a part of it.

 

Every thing I do reminds me of her. My interests have changed dramatically. I don't understand at all how this can change my likes and dislikes. I used to be all into politics and listened to talk radio every time I got into the car. I only listen to music now. I could give a crap less about news or politics now. I don't care who got bombed today or what senator thinks what about illegal immigration. I don't like to watch TV; I don't like to play computer games anymore. I do, however, absolutely LOVE skydiving. I thank the Lord that He gave me something to love and look forward to everyday.

 

I know I'll get over this. I've done lots of incredibly difficult things in my life, but this is the hardest for me. Marine boot camp was hard, infantry school was hard, 20 weeks of Border Patrol academy was hard, but this... this is the worst thing I've ever had to deal with. I knew that those other things would eventually end, but I can't ever see a day when I'll stop missing my Boo Bear.

[AriaIncognito]

Sigh. Stay strong, Brandon. If you ever wanna "chat" my name on AIM and yahoo is the same as on here.

 

Have fun tomorrow :-)

 

Jennifer

[Teacher's Pet]

Brandon,

 

Sounds like you really have it rough.

 

I'm the same way.

 

When I'm hurt, I lose interest in things that mean the most to me.

 

It's times like this when those things are MOST important. Try to remember what makes you happiest.

 

I was dumped 6 days ago, and it took my best friend HOURS of begging to come out to see my favorite local band play. It's almost as if I DIDNT WANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME OR EVEN "DESERVE IT".

 

But you do. You desrve to enjoy what you love, and no one can take that away from you.

 

I read what you wrote about being on the Border Patrol and a Talk Radio fan, I can assume you've been "Hannitized", too?

 

You sound like a great guy. You'll find someone new. Someone better. Someone more deserving of, what I (and most people) consider a hero.

 

No one can take that away from you.

 

God Bless, and keep your chin up! You are a Great American!

[stronggirl]

It's like as soon as I'm not doing anything, it hits me. I'm alone. He doesn't love me. He doesn't know if he wants to be with me, so he left, and I'm left here with a broken heart.

 

It sucks. All we can do, is try to keep busy, and hope it works until our hearts mend, our exes come back, or we find new loves.

 

 

I consider myself to be strong, but i definitely go through these phases too. a sort of disbelief. This was my best friend for the last 6 months. I thought i had found the perfect person for me finally. i overlooked all of his shortcomings. We spent all our time together, enjoyed all of the same things, and laughed ALL the time. We had a few arguments, but we were working toward becoming great communicators. Just a couple weeks before he broke up with me, he told me that most of his relationships had lasted 6 months (exactly when he broke up with me) and that he regretted ending them all too soon. He is 34 and has never had a relationship that has even lasted a year. Um, why did i think i would be different? Either way, I guess the point of my comment is that having someone that you think will love you forever tell you that they "love you but are not IN love with you" and " it is that chemistry between us that I no longer feel. I did feel it, but over time it just went away" is about the most painful thing in the world to your ego and of COURSE you are going to be sad and upset and feel rejected. This was coming from someone that had just told ME, for the first time before even I did, that he loved me, all googly eyed, just three months ago, three months into the relationship. The relationship only lasted 6 months (surprise!), so it is easier for me than if it had been years but, nonetheless, how can one do anything but wonder what was so wrong with them that they just more or less threw you out of their life?

 

Whatever, i can't do anything about it. I broke off all contact, but let him know that i was still in love with him very much before i did. I didn't even cry when he broke up with me. He wanted to call me one last time, but i told him i didn't think it would be good for me. There is a part of me that is angry, and wants him gone out of my mind, but of course there is the part of me that hopes he regrets his decision, because there was real love and friendship there. At times I am worried that i left it so cold, because i am afraid that if he were to change his mind, he would feel he could not come back to me (which at the time isn't true). At the same time, i feel that when someone tells you they "love you but are not IN love with you" chances are very very slim.

 

So how do i cope when i am lying in bed alone? First off, i speak out loud to myself and say "get out of my mind" "you are not worth time in my thoughts" "i will find someone much better someone that is more right for me" etc etc. Anything i can say to tell myself he is not worth it. He gave me up, he doesn't deserve to be in my thoughts. I know it is hard, because during this period, i find myself remembering ALL the fun things we did and the fun times we had together, inside jokes, etc. It makes me sad that there will be no more of all of that. But then I remember that no matter how much fun we had then, last week he chose to give me up and not have me in his life anymore. I think that that is pretty much enough reason to get him out of my mind ASAP.

 

I also use this forum. It really helps me to cope by seeing what other people have been through.

[stronggirl]

I want to cut down in the self destructive behavior like the chain smoking, I hate the idea that I'm hurting my body because some guy didn't want to be with me.

 

 

Allina,

 

I think you should do this! Clearly you are feeling it, and I know it will be hard, but you should act on it! Find the power in yourself, generated by this breakup, and do something really positive for yourself! In the end you will be so much happier.

 

find your personal power. it's in there.....

[AriaIncognito]

Mine never said he loved me but was no longer in love with me. He never proclaimed his love for me. Did I feel like he loved me, sure. Did he treat me as if he loved me, well, I guess you could go on to say that if he loved me, he wouldn't have been so conflicted, so I suppose that answer could be no. I feel like there was great potential there, for him and I, and really don't understand what it was that caused his conflicts. He would always tell me how great he felt when with me, then when we were apart, he'd get his conflicts and that would be that. Once in a while, he'd have the conflict when we were together, and it wasn't a pretty thing. He'd get more distant. Less touchy/feely. I could feel his conflict and it was painful. I wish I could understand it. I wish I could understand why he bawled his eyes out, while we were on the phone for 3 hours for our breakup. I wish I understood what he was feeling that caused him to cry that much, but still let me go. I wish I understood a lot of things.

 

Most of all, I wish I could just erase the past 5 months, because I had so much fun with him, and felt so great with him (during non-conflict times) that I could imagine a lifetime with him. We didnt' have a fight once. Still to this day. I should have known that when something seemed too good to be true, that it was. Or, maybe I should have just read the signs and not dated him, since when we met, he said he hoped to marry within his faith. However, I made the assumption that since he decided to date me, that maybe it meant he could go either way on that one.

 

I'm just so sick so thinking about him. Wondering what he's doing. Dreaming about him. He's not been online since we broke up. I hope he's not out having a great time while I'm home hating life.

 

I need to stop writing now. I'm getting more depressed by the minute.

 

 

Jennifer