youngNold Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 I have decided to end my marriage. If you dont know the whole story,read my first thread,Going Crazy. I feel bad about doing it but I just cant bring myself to trust her. She hasnt cheated yet,that I know of, but I have always heard if you put yourself into temptation enough, you will give in. I just dont know what do, I love her and have been with her f or 3 1/2 years. Is it normal to have this feeling of sadness and depression? Will it go away? She also says I didnt try to work it out, but she is the one that wants to go out with her friends then come see me at work and try. I even took her to dinner and a movie and where was she the next day? Hangin with her friends. I just cant help but think there is no chance. But I still hate to think of her with someone else. I dont believe in marriage counseling. If it dont work, then why work on it? I am just totally lost. Please help. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 It's too bad you don't believe in counselling because it's truly a great thing, especially for those not familiar with all the dynamics of marriage. My guess is that your bride is young, under 25. Some young people who are married just naturally want to be free to do what they want despite the union. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you but I really hate to tell you this....What's love got to do with it? as the song goes. I think for life in general you need to learn that people won't always live up to your expectations and they weren't put on this planet to do so. You can get married over and over again and your wife will not be obligated to always behave in a manner that pleases you. Get to the point where you can accept people just like they are and you'll be a happy camper. That your willing to throw in the towel right now says a LOT more about you than about your wife. She's just being herself, being human. I do sense there is room for some compromise here. Both of you are still growing and maturing. (Please forgive me if you are over 30 but I can't imagine you are!) Marriage has its ups and downs. You've got to work at it. There will be a day when your wife will be home and up your butt 24/7 and you'll pray for the days when she was gone with her friends and you had some alone time. Trust me on this! Hint: The less you show her you are bothered by her being away, the more you'll find her staying at home. Don't ask me why. Please be open to counselling!!! Divorce is VERY painful and if you don't learn to work out problems now they'll haunt you in every relationship you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 It sounds like she was about 14 when they met and is now 18 and has been married to him for close to a year.. I think she was just married too young. I'd bet all of her friends are single and want to do single gal stuff. Where does that leave her? Is she supposed to go hang out with 30 year old housewives? Who is she supposed to hang out with when he is away? youngNold (who is only 22) is always away at his remote job. I'm not saying it couldn't work but it sure smells like a maritial disaster in the making to me. Sometimes people just get married too early before they have had a chance to mature and find out what they really want out of life. It doesn't sound like she wants the marriage to end though, but if you did want it to work out your probably going to need to spend more time with her and definitely go to marriage counseling. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngNold Posted June 22, 2006 Author Share Posted June 22, 2006 I have never expected her to never be with her friends. I knew she had her GF's stay the night but she kept out the part of it being a porn watching lets all get drunk and have guys over party. she also leaves out who all she is with when she goes out. and she is always more then welcome to come out and stay with me at work,its not that far away. the main issue is trust,she lies way to much about important stuff. and im supposed to be the a**h*** for being mad? piss on that. Link to post Share on other sites
DesperateDad Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 In your case, I think you're making the right decision. I would advise that if you think there's any hope at all of having a relationship, try marriage counseling. It's going to be most successful if both parties are fully committed to saving the marriage as well as both being fairly mature. The person you've described doesn't sound mature at all, though. cta's right. This sounds like a disaster in the making and it's probably better to part ways as amicably as possible before it gets uglier or, God forbid, there are children. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 I don't believe in counsellors either and although I'm sure there are plenty good ones out there, I have yet to find one. have you tried compromising? she can go out with her friends one, two nights a week? Maybe one of those nights you can go with her? If she doesn't want you with her, that could mean a couple of different things; she likes to feel "single" when she's out, or she wants to spend time with the girls. What kind of job do you have that she can come hang out with you there while you're working? And how much fun can that be for her? You've only been married 3 1/2 years but how long have you know each other? A relationship doesn't start the minute you sign the marriage certificate. If you want this to work, look more into your reaction to her going out and see if you can handle it differently. And if you are sure you are doing everything 100% and are totally in the right, then by all means get a divorce. Cuz no one ever gives 100% or is totally blameless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngNold Posted June 22, 2006 Author Share Posted June 22, 2006 We have been together alltogether for 3 1/2 years. We have been married for 8 months. Call me an a**h*** but if she wants to feel single, she should not have gotten married. I never go out while im out of town except to eat with friends here at work and sometimes even their GF/Wife comes along. My job is on drilling rigs as a directional driller and i have to stay on the rig in my camper. when she is here she can do as she wants, go to town hang with another guy's wife/GF, whatever. It just seems like she doesnt want to be with me, just the money, which is pretty good. Also my problem,if you read the first thread, is her going out with other guys getting drunk and all that stupid s***. I can not and will not put up with that. If I sacrifice not getting to see my friends and family to give us a better life, she can sacrifice acting like an idiot while i am gone. Link to post Share on other sites
DesperateDad Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Bravo, youngNold. You can't have a successful relationship with no trust and no respect. Without both of those, love dies pretty quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 No brainer; you're jealous. You are the [major] breadwinner and all she does is party. You work, slave, and sacrifice for your job while she gets drunk all the time, has wild parties, and doesn't seem to want to be around you. Honestly, is that all she does? She doesn't have anything else in her life? When she's with you, do you fight about this all the time? Not to be mean but I don't think any woman is going to want to spend time with a man who tells them what they can and cannot do and constantly throws it in their face that they have to sacrifice their life too for a good paycheck. Are you more mature? Yes, it sounds like it. You sound dedicated to your job which is not a bad thing at all. Is she an outgoing person? Can she handle being alone when you're away at your job? If she needs the company of other people, that explains her spending a lot of time with her GF. That's no excuse for the other men, though, don't get me wrong. but what do you want her to do? Stay at home, never going out? Give up her life completely for you? Does she like your co-workers wives/GF? If not, that makes "hanging" out with them a mute point. Contrary to popular belief, women do not bond instantly with other women and have their nails done and go clothes shopping together. It takes time to form relationships with other women. And, if you have mentioned any of your problems to the other GF, they will treat her differently when she's around. would you be able to give up your life if your roles were reversed? Or would you resent someone telling you that you had to? Good luck to you whichever way you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts