lionesss Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Oh, boy a letter like that would kill me. So you never got any feedback from him or her whatsoever? He must have known that it was you, of course! I am surprised nobody reacted in any way. Did you really have a husband at the time who KNEW about the affair? What happened with the MM, did he leave you or did you leave him? And one more question: did you tell the truth in your letter? I never got feedback from him per se, he hinted but I couldn't quit get if he was refering to the letter and I never said anything. The last draft of the letter was the truth- just how I explained above. I don't have a husband.. that was a story I was going to use to remove myself from the situation to remain totally anonymous and have him guessing who could it be but i figure if I'm coming clean, why lie. I still work with him. Well we work for the same company different areas of the building so I don't see him that often. I left him. I tried not speaking to him, He wants to be friends, which I tried and doesn't work! I tried hating him, which doesn't work.
lionesss Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 let me elborate on did I leave him part. When I found out I didn't back off right away- The physical relations stopped but we still kept the emotional part of it. (mostly me listening to his grips about his wife & trying to get him to work things out with her). It soon come to the point where I recongnized how I could easily fall into the role of mistress. Its one thing to make me that but i would not go into it knowingly. So I think he saw me backing away and he stopped pursuing....So to answer your question I guess we both had an understanding I'm wasn't about sharing. We go through our bouts of NC but usually one of us breaks it. On thursday after 3wks of nc, he come up to me at work pulled up a chair and started talking like we're old friends. I am in total limbo with this man and don't now how to feel about it.
Blind Illusion Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Just a thought: Sometimes an ex-OW might send such a note with the thinking that if I can't be happy with him,(MM) why should she. (wife) The thought of the wife living blissfully happy and unaware of what transpired in their marriages is too much to bear. Thus a letter....usually unsigned, is sent. It is unsigned because she doesn't want the MM to know it was her. (because she still cares about the MM's opinion) For that reason, details only the two of them would know, are left out as well. An ex OW that writes a letter like that simply to inform, would provide details, which there would be many she could in order to authenticate her legitimacy.
lionesss Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Just a thought: Sometimes an ex-OW might send such a note with the thinking that if I can't be happy with him,(MM) why should she. (wife) The thought of the wife living blissfully happy and unaware of what transpired in their marriages is too much to bear. Thus a letter....usually unsigned, is sent. It is unsigned because she doesn't want the MM to know it was her. (because she still cares about the MM's opinion) For that reason, details only the two of them would know, are left out as well. An ex OW that writes a letter like that simply to inform, would provide details, which there would be many she could in order to authenticate her legitimacy. Thus my many unmailed drafts. I thought of that too, I didn't want it to be taken as bitter, or jelousy. So I sat on it for weeks before I wrote out anything and mailed the final letter to make sure I wasn't doing it out of disdain. And thats why I told details and gave dates in the hopes it would be taken seriously. I don't even know if she got the letter because he didn't want to end our relationship. So whatever happened at home must have blown over or she didn't get it or it wasn't taken seriously. who knows?
RecordProducer Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Lioness, do you regret sending that letter? His wife never left him?
Chump64 Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 So whatever happened at home must have blown over or she didn't get it or it wasn't taken seriously. Isn't it possible that there's been great fallout and that they are working things out? Or at least that the wife thinks they are working things out / thinks that he is now faithful to her? If I were you, I wouldn't assume that your letter had no effect. I found out about my husband's affair and it certainly hasn't "blown over." Ask me again in a decade or two, and maybe by then it will have.
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