Letter in the Mail

[Guest]

Four weeks ago I recieved a letter in the mail, annonymous but mailed from my home town. Addressed to me saying that my husband of 20 years has been seen with other women around town. There was nothing substancial in the letter, just said that I should be on the look out and beware. I am not sure who sent the letter! Should I hire a private detective? I confronted my husband he denied it. He is very friendly with everyone including women but I never thought he was a cheat. He is home every night, he is home every weekend. We have three children together, I don't know what to believe. I don't know when he would have the time to cheat, he is either at work or at home with the family!

 

Worried Wife

[cuckolded husband]

WW

Look someone could be trying to tell you something here or making somethig up. But don't ever think that because he is always home that he can't. My wife was the same way she would do her cheating at work always at home always with except at work we have been married for 25 years it don't take long, could be with someone close to you or him that "we are just friends kind" Or "she is just like my sister" that you know and feel close to or not threaten by, just a guess, go into spy mode

[Buttaflyy]

WW

Look someone could be trying to tell you something here or making somethig up. But don't ever think that because he is always home that he can't. My wife was the same way she would do her cheating at work always at home always with except at work we have been married for 25 years it don't take long, could be with someone close to you or him that "we are just friends kind" Or "she is just like my sister" that you know and feel close to or not threaten by, just a guess, go into spy mode

 

This could be true, but probably not the best approach. There are evil people who for no reason at all may just want to turn your world upside down. I'd maybe watch him a little closer, but I don't think I'd hire a P.I., unless you have any suspicions other than this anonymous letter.

[cuckolded husband]

could be someone being evil.

 

But because someone is home after work and on weekends don't mean nothing, someone works over 20 or 30 minutes late "bam" My wife would have sex on the way to deliver medical supplys to people with a driver that she was friends with. And she always came home afterwork, or would get called out a quick jaunt.

[Art_Critic]

it sounds to me like it was done by someone closer to your husband than you realize..

This note is way to personal to be a casual attempt to warn you..

It wasn't about warning you.. it was about getting him in trouble

 

A friend I don't think would do this.. But a scorned/pissed OW.. hummmm

[Tony T]

I would hire a private detective to put your mind at ease. It's sad but that may be what it takes.

 

I used to think cheating was rare but I watch a program on TV that shows three or four cases each night, video and all.

 

Women usually have incredible intuition. If you don't have the feeling your husband is seeing somebody then he probably isn't.

 

I never give any credence to anything sent to me anonymously. If they don't have the balls to tell me in my face or on the phone, poop on them.

[Alexandra]

I used to think cheating was rare but I watch a program on TV that shows three or four cases each night, video and all.

 

Cheaters, boy that one's scary and mind numbing.... So much so that even I have done some "what if"ing about the poor Mr. at a time that he was studying long distance and being literary by my side all day.

[Chump64]

Where's there's smoke, 'n all that ...

 

Here is a cut and paste of my standard line of advice for people who need to get evidence. Don't waste your time and money with a PI. This was written for a man so where I say "her," you can substitute "him." Good luck.

 

 

 

* Put a voice activated recorder in her car. You can't catch all her cell conversations, but you can at least catch her side / what SHE is saying. Hide it. Lemme know if you need hiding tips. Put a recorder in her office even, if you can. There are some that look like ballpoint pens. Lay one on her desk. That's how I got started with my own investigating.

 

* Check around for a cheap global positioning unit. Put it in her car. It can tell you where she went.

 

* Bug your home phone. Put a line tap on a little-used extension. Bug her office phone too, if you can swing it. I got into my husband's office by figuring out when he'd be in meetings, etc. (I can see his calendar that is set up on his email.) Then I'd have a gift or something in hand in case I ran into a coworker. "I'm leaving this gift here as a surprise for him, so please don't tell himI was here!" At one point, I delivered a framed picture as a surprise, while he was in a meeting. Well -- OOPS! -- the frame broke when I dropped it! (I had a stash of broken glass that I dumped on the floor.) Darn! Now the co-workers who were helping me deliver this surprise knew I had to come back with a new picture, and they conspired with me when I delivered the new item (so I could pick up the recorder I used to tap his phone line). I eventually wised up and realized I could get in the building at 7 am with no one around. Illegal? Yeah. Will she turn you in? Not likely, unless she wants the whole world to know she's cheating.

 

* Install a keylogger on your home computer. This is how I captured my husband's work email password. You can download free ones that are kind of clunky and inefficient, but they did the job for me.

 

A site I'm gonna pimp for you is http://www.spyville.com. They will send the items to your work address and will accept a check or money order (vs. a credit card).

[silktricks]

it sounds to me like it was done by someone closer to your husband than you realize..

This note is way to personal to be a casual attempt to warn you..

It wasn't about warning you.. it was about getting him in trouble

 

A friend I don't think would do this.. But a scorned/pissed OW.. hummmm

Or not even an OW, just someone who wants to be . . .

[whichwayisup]

True or not, it's shaken your trust in your husband. Made you stop and think.

 

I don't know what else you can do except watch him carefully, look for the other signs (don't make that obvious to him though) of an affair.

 

Must be a real hard place for you to be in. I feel for what you're going through.

[RecordProducer]

Four weeks ago I recieved a letter in the mail, annonymous but mailed from my home town. Addressed to me saying that my husband of 20 years has been seen with other women around town. There was nothing substancial in the letter, just said that I should be on the look out and beware. I am not sure who sent the letter! Should I hire a private detective? I confronted my husband he denied it. He is very friendly with everyone including women but I never thought he was a cheat. He is home every night, he is home every weekend. We have three children together, I don't know what to believe. I don't know when he would have the time to cheat, he is either at work or at home with the family!

 

Worried Wife

Disregard it! The whole approach is bulls***. What kind of person would write the wife that her husband has been SEEN with another woman? A concerned person might write you if she or he knows for sure that he has been unfaithful, but this is just minding someone else's business out of boredom and lack of life.

 

A person mean enough to do such a thing is mean enough to lie. The point is - she has nothing, she just wishes that you and your husband start fighting.

 

If you trust your husband, forget about the letter. The US government gets thousands of anonymous phone calls (false alarms) every year about bombs being put and stuff like that.

 

My mom's co-workers were teasing her in a mean way about her going with some guy after work. It was actually her husband who picked her up. I've heard of many cases where people have been falsely tad-tailed for cheating that didn't exist.

[silktricks]

Disregard it! The whole approach is bulls***. What kind of person would write the wife that her husband has been SEEN with another woman?

 

Knowing me, I'd talk to my husband about it. Because much as I try, I'm not very good at disregarding much of anything. But I wouldn't make it out to be a big deal either.

[whichwayisup]

The thing is, what IF it is the OW...Just slowly giving hints...To stir things up for them at home! That is a possibility. Or maybe it is someone who has an axe to grind and has nothing better to do with their time.

 

Do give him the benefit of the doubt, but as I said earlier, just keep a closer eye on him...

[Presario]

This letter had no details: who the mistress is, when and where they met. This person supposedly knows the details and should have written them, because it would be helpful and credible.

 

I say this is some mean person trying to poison your marriage. There are mean and jealous people, and I think some person you know quite well is one of them.

 

Nonetheless, keep your eyes open.

[Buttaflyy]

Where's there's smoke, 'n all that ...

 

Here is a cut and paste of my standard line of advice for people who need to get evidence. Don't waste your time and money with a PI. This was written for a man so where I say "her," you can substitute "him." Good luck.

 

 

 

* Put a voice activated recorder in her car. You can't catch all her cell conversations, but you can at least catch her side / what SHE is saying. Hide it. Lemme know if you need hiding tips. Put a recorder in her office even, if you can. There are some that look like ballpoint pens. Lay one on her desk. That's how I got started with my own investigating.

 

* Check around for a cheap global positioning unit. Put it in her car. It can tell you where she went.

 

* Bug your home phone. Put a line tap on a little-used extension. Bug her office phone too, if you can swing it. I got into my husband's office by figuring out when he'd be in meetings, etc. (I can see his calendar that is set up on his email.) Then I'd have a gift or something in hand in case I ran into a coworker. "I'm leaving this gift here as a surprise for him, so please don't tell himI was here!" At one point, I delivered a framed picture as a surprise, while he was in a meeting. Well -- OOPS! -- the frame broke when I dropped it! (I had a stash of broken glass that I dumped on the floor.) Darn! Now the co-workers who were helping me deliver this surprise knew I had to come back with a new picture, and they conspired with me when I delivered the new item (so I could pick up the recorder I used to tap his phone line). I eventually wised up and realized I could get in the building at 7 am with no one around. Illegal? Yeah. Will she turn you in? Not likely, unless she wants the whole world to know she's cheating.

 

* Install a keylogger on your home computer. This is how I captured my husband's work email password. You can download free ones that are kind of clunky and inefficient, but they did the job for me.

 

A site I'm gonna pimp for you is http://www.spyville.com. They will send the items to your work address and will accept a check or money order (vs. a credit card).

 

 

This sounds like it came straight from "stalking; for dummies". I think that if I needed to do all of this I might leave before I go crazy! To decide to go this route, you already have a strong intuition that something is going on, and you are probably right!

[Chump64]

Well duh. It's obvious you have to have strong suspicions before you take those steps. Would you leave your spouse based on strong suspicions? What do you tell your family, your friends, your kids? "I am leaving your father because I suspect he is having an affair, but I have no proof." Yeah, then you'd definitely look crazy.

 

Or would you try to verify your suspicions?

 

You call it stalking. I call it investigating and protecting myself and my kids by seeking out the truth.

[2sunny]

I vote for checking into things VERY thoroughly!

 

Any cheater WILL deny until there is solid proof. It will drive you crazy if you don't know for sure....

 

He may be cheating, he may not be cheating, but the truth always makes us feel better, even if it hurts...

 

To not know hurts even more....

 

Knowledge is power - then you can make an educated decision based on the knowledge you have, cheating or not...

[Chump64]

About 80 percent of cheaters will keep lying until you have solid proof that you can shove in their face. If you like being made to feel crazy, then by all means, just stick with your suspicions and confront your spouse that way. Or you can pretend that all is well and do your own investigating.

 

It's really empowering and liberating to bust someone's balls and force them to take a stand when they've been deceiving you.

[MarnieGirl]

it sounds to me like it was done by someone closer to your husband than you realize..

This note is way to personal to be a casual attempt to warn you..

It wasn't about warning you.. it was about getting him in trouble

 

A friend I don't think would do this.. But a scorned/pissed OW.. hummmm

 

it very well could be a vengeful ow, but i do think it was someone who knew one or both of them, but i wouldn't discount that it could be a friend. a wife's friend would want to get the husband in trouble for treating their friend badly, but would probably appreciate the anonymity the letter allows. all too often, someone tries to warn someone and ends up being the bad guy when the person they are trying to help refuses to believe the truth.

 

if a person isn't willing to risk a friendship, an anonymous note would be the way to do it.

[RecordProducer]

* Put a voice activated recorder in her car. You can't catch all her cell conversations, but you can at least catch her side / what SHE is saying. Hide it. Lemme know if you need hiding tips. Put a recorder in her office even, if you can. There are some that look like ballpoint pens. Lay one on her desk. That's how I got started with my own investigating.

 

* Check around for a cheap global positioning unit. Put it in her car. It can tell you where she went.

 

* Bug your home phone. Put a line tap on a little-used extension. Bug her office phone too, if you can swing it. I got into my husband's office by figuring out when he'd be in meetings, etc. (I can see his calendar that is set up on his email.) Then I'd have a gift or something in hand in case I ran into a coworker. "I'm leaving this gift here as a surprise for him, so please don't tell himI was here!" At one point, I delivered a framed picture as a surprise, while he was in a meeting. Well -- OOPS! -- the frame broke when I dropped it! (I had a stash of broken glass that I dumped on the floor.) Darn! Now the co-workers who were helping me deliver this surprise knew I had to come back with a new picture, and they conspired with me when I delivered the new item (so I could pick up the recorder I used to tap his phone line). I eventually wised up and realized I could get in the building at 7 am with no one around. Illegal? Yeah. Will she turn you in? Not likely, unless she wants the whole world to know she's cheating.

 

* Install a keylogger on your home computer. This is how I captured my husband's work email password. You can download free ones that are kind of clunky and inefficient, but they did the job for me.

 

A site I'm gonna pimp for you is http://www.spyville.com. They will send the items to your work address and will accept a check or money order (vs. a credit card).

This is definitely very clever and well thought out.

[lionesss]

I put a letter in the mail when I found out my man was married. But by the reponses in here I guess that was a bad thing to do? I think you should take the letter seriously. I don't see how someone could randomly pick your address out of a phone book and mail a letter like that to be mean. Someone is trying to tell you something. Be it the OW or someone close to you who doesn't want to get their hands dirty. Be on the look out.

FYI: Not to upset you, but people don't alway cheat at night time. I worked at at night so we saw eachother during the day which worked out perfect for him.

[RecordProducer]

I put a letter in the mail when I found out my man was married. But by the reponses in here I guess that was a bad thing to do? I think you should take the letter seriously. I don't see how someone could randomly pick your address out of a phone book and mail a letter like that to be mean. Someone is trying to tell you something. Be it the OW or someone close to you who doesn't want to get their hands dirty. Be on the look out.

FYI: Not to upset you, but people don't alway cheat at night time. I worked at at night so we saw eachother during the day which worked out perfect for him.

What did you write in your letter? That her husband was seen with another woman?

 

I think it's someone who knows her and really just SAW her husband with another woman, not hugging or kissing or anything. It could've been someone else too - not her husband.

 

Why would she assume that it's the OW who f***s her husband LYING that he was just seen with someone? If she assumes the whole letter is a lie and a setup then why not disregard it overall?

 

Some woman here stated once that her co-workers told her husband that she was cheating on him. She wasn't. They got divorced because of that, although their marriage was not very good anyway. She never got over the injustice and stated that perhaps they could have worked things out without the interference.

 

Only a very mean person would write a letter that somebody's husband was "just seen" with another woman. Can't men walk around with other women? Why did this anonymous person assume that she must be a mistress?

 

My husband's step-mother asked me once "I saw a car in front of your house, was it your girlfriend?" It was actually my husband with someone else's car! I told her: "C'mon, you thought it was my boyfriend, didn't you?" She said: "No, I know that you're having the cleaning lady at that time so you wouldn't have a BF in your house."

 

Bulls***! She saw a black Mercedes and knows well that I don't have any GFs here. She thought it was some macho guy with an expensive car!

 

This is how people create stories. Now if someone parked his car in front of my house just to realize that he mistook the house then pulled back and someone saw him just pulling back from my front yard, how on earth would I ever prove that it wasn't my lover? I'd say: "What? I didn't see anyone's car!" and sound like a total liar.

 

Also if she saw the husband holding hands or kissing another woman, she would have written that in the letter. I say "she" because only a woman can be so mean and have too much free time and desire to interfere in other people's lives. Whoever wrote that did NOT have good intentions. I don't see why the OP wouldn't just believe that her husband was "seen" and nothing else. She trusts her husband and he says he doesn't know what she's talking about. I would assume it wasn't him and never even think about that letter again.

 

If you LET other people interfere with your life and make up stories about you, you will let them ruin your life eventually. I am pretty sure my sister-in-law would gladly report my imaginary boyfriends to my husband if she only had a little bit of material - a car parked in front of my car here and there or something like that.

 

My husband asked me a few times "Where were you?" and "When did you come back?" I suspect that he was told I put my best outfit and drove myself somewhere for a few hours. Too bad I have groceries to prove what I was doing (not that he's ever accused me of anything).

[lionesss]

I first stuggled with writing the letter but after talking to many BS they all said they would want to know. And if i were in a similar situation I would also want to know. I drafted many letters before I mailed the final one. I first wrote out as anonymous third party, like the one we're discussing, but thought it would be taken just as you are and not believe it...and understandably so.

 

So I wrote another as if I were the OW spouse and informing her of 'my wife' & her husbands infidelity (silly, I know) so decided just to be truthful and honest.

 

I wrote how her H and I met. I refered to him as name and the company we both work for. I explained how he persued me for months. I explained how he told me he was ready to start dating after his divorce. I told of weekend trips we took and gave dates. I applogized to her and their children for my part and told her if i had know he was married i would have never dated him.

 

I explained i was not writing the letter to hurt her or in hopes of braking them up but to inform her of his activities and she should watch him (hopefully under her watchful eye he wouldn't hurt any other women like he did me.) I don't know how it was taken on her end, but I feel I did my part to let her know and its up to her to decide what she will do with that information.

[RecordProducer]

I first stuggled with writing the letter but after talking to many BS they all said they would want to know. And if i were in a similar situation I would also want to know. I drafted many letters before I mailed the final one. I first wrote out as anonymous third party, like the one we're discussing, but thought it would be taken just as you are and not believe it...and understandably so.

 

So I wrote another as if I were the OW spouse and informing her of 'my wife' & her husbands infidelity (silly, I know) so decided just to be truthful and honest.

 

I wrote how her H and I met. I refered to him as name and the company we both work for. I explained how he persued me for months. I explained how he told me he was ready to start dating after his divorce. I told of weekend trips we took and gave dates. I applogized to her and their children for my part and told her if i had know he was married i would have never dated him.

 

I explained i was not writing the letter to hurt her or in hopes of braking them up but to inform her of his activities and she should watch him (hopefully under her watchful eye he wouldn't hurt any other women like he did me.) I don't know how it was taken on her end, but I feel I did my part to let her know and its up to her to decide what she will do with that information.

Oh, boy a letter like that would kill me. So you never got any feedback from him or her whatsoever? He must have known that it was you, of course! I am surprised nobody reacted in any way. Did you really have a husband at the time who KNEW about the affair?

 

What happened with the MM, did he leave you or did you leave him?

 

And one more question: did you tell the truth in your letter?

[Guest2]

i'm in a similar situation. i want to tell the w of a cheater that i know about his affairs with young women half his age who are also working for him. this information is highly volatile as this could cost him his career. i don't want to be exposed at any cost as my H works with him but i think her H shouldn't get away with it any longer. how would i inform her without getting into trouble? would she even believe an anonymous letter? i have hard core evidence but don't want to get the girls involved into trouble. what and how to do it?