UnknowingOW Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I was responding to another thread when I thought...why not throw this out there and see what others say, so here goes. We all talk of how we love our MM/MW and how NOONE can love us the way they do/did. And how mind-blowing the sex is, because they are the only ones which took us to a plateau which had never been met before. Maybe they just raised the bar...who knows. Anyway the point to this thread is this. Is it really the MM/MW that has us in their clutches, or is it that we are truly mortified to be alone and happy with ourselves? Thoughts are greatly welcomed
Iwanttohope Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I was responding to another thread when I thought...why not throw this out there and see what others say, so here goes. We all talk of how we love our MM/MW and how NOONE can love us the way they do/did. And how mind-blowing the sex is, because they are the only ones which took us to a plateau which had never been met before. Maybe they just raised the bar...who knows. Anyway the point to this thread is this. Is it really the MM/MW that has us in their clutches, or is it that we are truly mortified to be alone and happy with ourselves? Thoughts are greatly welcomed Many of my helpful friends have asked me "is it him or is it how he made you feel" that's tearing you apart? Well, its both... with some fear thrown in. I know that part of it for me was that I let myself get way too isolated so he was too much of my everything. I think that's unhealthy whether or not your SO is married or unmarried. No one can be everyhting. I'm currently taking steps to change that, but they're baby steps and my heart is still shattered. On that note:rolleyes:
RealityCheck Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 For me, I don't feel its just the mind blowing sex because I did have that with my H.(until he killed it!) A poster not too long ago, nailed it! She said that the MM is unlike any other, because they just know how to "say" all the right things. Their words cater to our emotional needs as well, which of course would only amplify the sex (physical). This is true in my case. My MM knows exactly how to speak to me! It always feels like the "honeymoon" stage!
Curmudgeon Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 It always feels like the "honeymoon" stage! Of course it does. You don't share the realities of living together, maintaining a home, paying bills, parenting children -- all those things that challenge marriages. Of course, that could be why so many MM/MW marriages to their lovers fail and rather quickly at that. Life comes rushing into what was mere fantasy before.
2sunny Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Of course it does. You don't share the realities of living together, maintaining a home, paying bills, parenting children -- all those things that challenge marriages. Of course, that could be why so many MM/MW marriages to their lovers fail and rather quickly at that. Life comes rushing into what was mere fantasy before. XO to you C= Lion love your advice as much as I love you! PS I had a really, really bad day today... Miss you buddy
stillhere Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Is it really the MM/MW that has us in their clutches, or is it that we are truly mortified to be alone and happy with ourselves? I'm afraid to be alone, i will admit that, but i am not afraid to be happy with myself. I am happy with myself. I strut around like my sh*t don't stink! LOL My MM has me in his clutches, there's no doubt about that. I fell for him very hard. We have a connection that i've never felt with anyone else. I have more trust in him than i've had with any other man (kind of ironic isn't it). It's both emotional and physical. Not sure i can totally explain it. We've been through so much together already, i think that if he did leave (but i know he's not) our relationship would be that much stronger. We made it over many hurdles already, some that would damage a normal relationship, and yet, here we are.
Author UnknowingOW Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 I am so afraid of being alone. Am I happy? Yes, absolutely. I have a great life, but no one to share it with. I have confidence in myself. But, I have no confidence in my personal life where men are concered. Every male realtionship has failed. The only male relationship which work for me are the one's where I am friends and no sex is involved with these guys I've know for YEARS. I love all my guy friends and would do anything for them. But why oh why do I fail at every attempt to have a real relationship and why are they all flawed? My MM was the only one to see me for who I am strong, confidence, sexy, alive, intelligent, and then blew that all shreads with one lie.. Now I feel like the loser again...like I'm never good enough to have what I feel I should have in my life.
Walking away Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I am not afraid to be alone. But I don't LIKE being alone. Holidays are hard as well as events in my children's lives. It would be nice to share these things with a special someone. Of course it would. I feel like I have much to offer a special man and I am not settling for just anyone. He is going to have to be very special to be able to spend his time with me. Because I know that I am special. AS WE ALL ARE. So, for now, I will wait patiently. If there is someone out there for me, he will find me. People meet every day. It can happen to me, too. My xMM made me feel special, yes. But I already felt happy and special BEFORE he even entered my life. He just magnified what I already felt about myself...which felt great. Yes, being alone gets lonely. But I'd rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone whom I do not love or connect with. So, for now, I am here by myself. Healing and strengthening. And preparing myself for the day when someone absolutely wonderful will enter my life.... But, until then, I am okay.
RealityCheck Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Of course it does. You don't share the realities of living together, maintaining a home, paying bills, parenting children -- all those things that challenge marriages. Of course, that could be why so many MM/MW marriages to their lovers fail and rather quickly at that. Life comes rushing into what was mere fantasy before. You won't get any rebuttle from me, I agree 100%
bunset Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 For me, I don't feel its just the mind blowing sex because I did have that with my H.(until he killed it!) A poster not too long ago, nailed it! She said that the MM is unlike any other, because they just know how to "say" all the right things. Their words cater to our emotional needs as well, which of course would only amplify the sex (physical). This is true in my case. My MM knows exactly how to speak to me! It always feels like the "honeymoon" stage! OK that says a lot for me.. except the sex with H part.. it is/was very good but not like w/MM. I guess I'm here because I've never had that kind of connection with a romantic partner before! And No, I was never alone before, either. Ugh... But that will change... because I'm getting ready for my divorce (2nd) My MM is working on his marriage, so I will be alone. And I'm gonna have to fight myself tooth and nail not to fall into another romance right away! But I'm not afraid too much anymore. But today I had a breakthrough! I figured out why it's so great with the MM (at least for me) When I started it, I wasn't afraid of losing anything! It's that peace that comes from letting go of the false security that allowed me to be so open to the A and the connection to him that made it so great! So now that I'm losing him, my marriage and who-knows-what-else, I've got to just let it all go, so that I can lose the fear, too! All the pain I've been feeling is tied to losing something. Stop being afraid and have faith in yourself and your INTENT in the universe.
movinon05 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 So now that I'm losing him, my marriage and who-knows-what-else, I've got to just let it all go, so that I can lose the fear, too! All the pain I've been feeling is tied to losing something. Stop being afraid and have faith in yourself and your INTENT in the universe. Very well said. **Applause**
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