lovestruck234 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 So my sister has just moved out of home.. And since then she's turning really feral. She drinks and smokes, and usually gets blind drunk most weekends at the pub. She never tells me these things, I just hear them off people that were at the pub. She drinks burbon and coke and because of that, she's put on HEAPS of weight, whereas when she was living at home, she didn't feed all that crap to herself, and was really fit and healthy. She's just being lazy and grose. And my basic reason for this post is on her and guys. Since she's left home my mum, dad and I found out that she was lying to all of us and used to say that she was going for walks around the block of a morning but was really meeting up with this dirty truckie and sleeping with him pretty much every morning. For THREE years. I'm just dissapointed... Anyway, she's been playing all these guys that she meets at the pub. She'll lead them on, take them home, sleep with them for a couple of weeks, tell them she cares about them blah blah blah, then turns around into this cold bitch telling them to leave her alone and that she doesn't want anything to do with them anymore etc. I am friends with alot of these guys that I knew from when I was in school and have spoken to lots of them. The poor things think the relationship is going somewhere and then she just calls it off, unannounced, with no reason. Lots if them are usually a mess when I speak to them. I think she's just being unfair.... I mean, don't get me wrong, lots of guys are attracted to icy women, but the guys she's dealt with are just a heap of mess after the break up. And she's changing guys nearly as often as she's changing her underwear. I think it's just wrong. I was thinking about it, and she's turning into a bloke, no hygiene, booze, cigarettes, sleeping around...she's turning into a whore!! And i hate it!! Now, I'm in NO position to tell her what she should do with her life, but sooner or later, she'll be getting a name for herself and to be honest, I don't think there's any guy she HASN'T slept with in town. Now, guys, what would you be thinking if this was you? Obviously lots of yuou wouldn't care as you probably wouldn't be looking for commitment anyway, but the guys that she manipulates and seduces, fall hard for her, then get crushed.... Can someone tell me what they think....
HokeyReligions Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Your title says you want her to change, but you know that any change is up to her. All you can do is find a way to live with it and either accept her or exclude her. If you love her you can let her know that you will be there if she needs you.
the_alchemyst Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Hokey is right in that you cannot make her; that desire and manifestation has to come from within herself. If I were you, I would call her and ask to meet with her when she had time. I would talk to her about her behavior, and ask her why she changed over such a short period of time. If you talk to her, keep in mind that you want her to talk moreso than you. Do not blame or judge her--that is to say, don't tell her she's going to be labeled a whore, that she has no hygiene, or well, the stuff you said in your post. By doing so she will only back away from you, and will quite probably continue on the same path. The point is to try to see why she is behaving this way, and to let her know that if she continues drinking, smoking, sleeping around as much, she will run the risk on ending up severely hurt, and that you do not want to see that. You have to let her know that you care, and the best way to show her that is by listening to what she has to say, not by accusing her for the things she has done. More than her brother, try to be her friend. If, however, she refuses to listen to you, then there is nothing more you can do, really. If she denies that there is an underlying motive to do what she is doing, then know that she is keeping something from you, and that she ultimately does have that right. Unfortunately, this means that you cannot help her because she, at this point, thinks she either doesn't want or need (or both) your or anyone else's help. If this is the case, then let her be. Good luck. I'm sure she'll come around. Just try to talk to her and see what she's feeling; you may be surprised.
Author lovestruck234 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 LOL, thanks for your advice, I'm actually her sister...but yes, all your points were really helpful. I want to talk to her, but knowing my sister, she's always been the type who doesn't tell me anything going on in her life, and whenever I try to talk about things, she tells me to stop prying and to mind my own buisness....what else can I do??? I've brought it up lightly a couple of times, and just said, jokingly "Gee, who DON'T you know?" or something like that...I never refer to her as a whore or whatever, as in saying "Gee, who haven't you slept with?" I go about it as nicely as I can.... and she'll always give me a dirty look! I always ask her if she's given up smoking yet (as she claims she's quitting yet there's still a packet always nestled in her handbag). and she lies and says yes, but we all know she hasn't, people see her, and I know these people... It's like she doesn't want me to know anything, and tries to hide it, even though I find out... I always act as though I care, and I do!! Maybe I do pry? But even when she was living at home she never talked about stuff with me. I mean, we never really talked about personal stuff with eachother anyway, we were never that type, but I always found out what she was up to, and it was always bad. She's slept with one of my boyfriends (he was an ex..phew!) but, honestly, a bit extreme! Fiar enough if she doesn't want commitment at the moment, that's fine, I can't argue about that, but I wish she would stop going about it the way she does...it's just lowering herself and she was never brought up that way by mum and dad. I don't know what to do..... please help! Cos I really am worried about her!
starter_70 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Hey I was reading about what you had to say about you sister and to me it sounds physcological. In my opinion your sister was doing good in the begging you said well i think she met someone that totally devasted her emotionaly caused she loved him and he dumped her in some really bad way. People deal with break ups in very different ways, your sister is dealling with this by hooking up with every guy she meets cause she wants to feel loved or wanted. My advice would be to talk to her and maybe ask her is there was somebody who hurt her bad in the past and if there was to talk about it cause simply by talking about it helps heal a liitl bit. If this is not the case then she could have chonic deppression, there are prescription pills to deal with that. Well hope this helps and good luck with your sister...
Author lovestruck234 Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 That makes heaps of sense now! I'll talk to her this weekend! Thank you so much for your help!! It's untangled it all now!!!!!! YAY!!! OK, I'll let you know how I go, Thanks everyone!!
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