misslady7 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 My boyfriend's best friend just recently told me that my boyfriend is cheating on with someone else. It's a complicated situation because his friend revealed to me that he liked me. One Saturday my boyfriend, his friend and me planned to go out to a night club until later on in the day my boyfriend told me that he didn't want to go and that he thinks me and his friend should go. Now I felt completely uncomfortable to the point where I kept asking my boyfriend countless times is he sure that it's ok because I don't want any problems and he stated that his friend and he doesn't look at him as competition. So his friend and I went to the nightclub along with my bestfriend. We all had a great time, but that night that's when his friend was telling me all of these things about my boyfriend and how I am too good for him and I shouldn't be with him. Before the night was over his friend entered his telephone number into my phone in which I did not use it. So about a day later he made up some excuse to get my cell phone number from my boyfriend and I guess he didn't think anything of it because he gave him my number. So since he gave my number his friend calls me and I must admit we have good conversations (but me I am always talking about my boyfriend) and I also explained to him that I don't date my boyfriend's friends. So he kept telling me that he liked and he may have to back away because he's going to end up being attached. So recently he told me that my boyfriend is a cheater and two weeks ago he was at his house and my boyfriend was getting dressed and told him he was going to this girl's house to get some ass. Now my first reaction was "oh my god that's so messed up" deep down inside I was hurt. As the day progressed I thought perhaps his friend could be lying to me, since he does like me. What do you guys think?
kellyp1 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 My ex's best friend sort of did the same to me years ago. He was right, he became attached to me as a protection kind of thing because he knew what my boyfriend was doing. Still, it was not right. I recommend telling the best friend to back off and looking to see if he was right about your man.
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Yep, this has happened to me twice in my five year relationship... they tell me they have feelings for me, and then they said "if I had you I would never treat you the way he does" and then they told me he was cheating. It happened twice, in two different stages of the realtionship. Both of his friends were telling the truth... Sometimes it takes a best friend doing something very hurtful to their partner for the friend to realise they could treat the partner better, leading to feelings of attraction. I think it is a masuline, protection thing. I would believe the friend if I were you. Having said that, don't start a relationship with the friend by any means :/
Tenorman Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Don't like the sound of the situation at all. It is almost like you're being treated like a piece of property - your boyfriend is handing you over to his friend not really giving a shyt about you and the friend is picking up on this and taking advantage of it either with the blessing of your boyfriend or as a consequence of his apathy. If this is true, both are dogs and you should look for better quality dogs (joke). Give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt to the extent that you should not confront him by telling him what his friend told you. (It also shows you have more class.) But do reassess your relationship, watch him carefully and start protecting yourself.
Author misslady7 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Last night I went over to my boyfriend's house and I told him what happened. I basically told him that his friend likes me and that his friend was telling me all of these things about him being unfaithful and me being too good for him. He reacted very nochalant about it, he basically said well if my friend feels that he can get you then "hey". And for me to not get any kind of reaction from him just made me feel that he didn't care about me. Because I know for sure if it was me and my friend told my boyfriend lies about me I would be upset. He made a statement that it's all about survival of the fittest, wow! I don't know what to think now. I'm scared that I am being too naive. And believe me my boyfriend and I have been through so much where I often have my thought's that he may be cheating, however I never had hard evidence to prove that he was so I continued to go along with things just to see if my thoughts were right or wrong. What do you guys think?
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 It isn't a trial. You don't need hard evidence. If you feel as though you man has been cheating, there is definitely something amiss in the relationship. I think it is time to leave it. As I said, move on.
Author misslady7 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 And the thing about it is I am a good woman, I have a great job I am in school. I am a classy young lady, I carry myself very well a stranger can see that from afar. And I always seems to get myself into these type of situations. I treat people the way I want and deserve to be treated, and things like this always happen to me. It's like relationships are just not for me, that's how I feel sometime. I am totally honest with my boyfriend, because I expect him to do the same and still it's a shame that he doesn't see that he has a great catch. I mean come on look how he reacts, does that sound like a man who really cares?
Tenorman Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Your boyfriend's behaviour sounds substandard which may be an understatement. You sound great for a relationship. It's your boyfriend who sounds lousy for one and unfortunately that is a recipe for you getting hurt. Hence you should leave and find someone more worthy of what you have to offer.
Author misslady7 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Thanks I really appreciate the feedback that I have received on this thread. It was definitely needed. But you know what right now I am in the kind of mood where I don't feel like talking to my boyfriend. I need some time to think because this situaiton is stressing me out. And I am confused on what I should do. Thanks again guys, I appreciated it.
Walk Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I've never heard of a guy being nonchalant when his best friend is trying to steal his girl and telling her damaging information. Only time I've seen this is when a.) the guy is cheating, and/or b.) he doesn't care if she's there or not. Either way, trust your gut. You seem level headed and not suffering from insecurity issues that would cloud the issue. So I would advise following your instinct on this. You won't get hard evidence. Did your bf say anything about the cheating? Any thing at all? Or did he avoid any mention of it after you brought that up? Or was it only about you and this friend, but nothing about your bf's actions or cheating? In my experience, if he sidestepped this issue without addressing that aspect, then he's cheating. Just my limited experience though. What were some of the reasons you felt he was cheating in the past? You mentioned you've had this feeling before. Why did you feel that way? How has he been acting lately? Distant? Not wanting to spend time with you? Decreased sex drive? I know that in a relationship we want to believe our partner, so sometimes we overlook things that outsiders might see more clearly.
Author misslady7 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Well honestly when I told him what his friend told me, he's said that he's not the kind of guy that tells people his business so he doesn't know where he gets that from, that was the most I got out of him on that. The situations that happened in the past, it's embarassing for me to mention because through all of that I am still here when he could possibly be cheating. But anyway on two occasions his ex threatened me, text messages in which I've seen, and that's just some of the things. I do notice that when it comes to sex he's a bit different it actually takes him much longer to release than usual especially if we haven't did anything in over a week. I'm so unhappy with myself and what I have put up with thus far. I think that there has been plenty of signs I just always try my best to overlook it hoping that he's not cheating.
typical Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 When I read this post, it made me so mad, I felt compelled to write..... I think I have the gist of what is really going on in this sordid picture. Allow me to cast my spin on it... I think this is/was a set up to begin with.....Not only do I believe that your Boyfriend is cheating on you, I think he is actually trying to set you up with his friend who may or may not actually like you. I believe BF is finished with you and is now carting you off at rapid haste to his best friend or any friend for that matter....examples below: my boyfriend told me that he didn't want to go and that he thinks me and his friend should go and.......... he made up some excuse to get my cell phone number from my boyfriend and I guess he didn't think anything of it because he gave him my number and............. He reacted very nochalant about it, he basically said well if my friend feels that he can get you then "hey". as well as this: He made a statement that it's all about survival of the fittest, wow! "Dont blame me, honey, if I lose you..it wasnt my fault, it was survival of the fittest's fault!" ....Give me a f***ing break.... not to mention this.... when I told him what his friend told me, he's said that he's not the kind of guy that tells people his business so he doesn't know where he gets that from What, no protestations, however mildly??! Perhaps he is worn out from a long night of screwing around behind your back. Read underlined part please......now, that sounds to me like that was to say, "gee, GF, maybe he saw me, and caught me".... and if I may quote Walk: I've never heard of a guy being nonchalant when his best friend is trying to steal his girl and telling her damaging information. Only time I've seen this is when a.) the guy is cheating, and/or b.) he doesn't care if she's there or not I would second that!! And to add on to point B of Walk's, not only do I think he doesnt care if you are there or not, he is actually trying to make it so you arent there-by shoving you off on his Best Friend for the love of Moses! He is a coward that doesnt have enough balls to do the right thing and sever the cords with you so he enlists the help of his Best Friend-who is trying to seduce you into cheating on your BF so in the end it looks like your fault, leaving your poor, spurned BF to find out and break up with you..... At this point, I would question the motives of everyone concerned. Quite possibly, the Best friend could have feelings for you, but I would back way off until I know for certain whats really going on behind the scenes. Also, as a sidenote: barring any other sexual dysfunction, I would be inclined to think that this: I do notice that when it comes to sex he's a bit different it actually takes him much longer to release than usual especially if we haven't did anything in over a week Might have a little bit to do with this: told me that my boyfriend is a cheater and two weeks ago he was at his house and my boyfriend was getting dressed and told him he was going to this girl's house to get some ass. Also, I think I would agree with you when you say this: I'm scared that I am being too naive. You sound like a lovely young lady who doesnt need to be wasting her time on a game playing ass hat.....
Buttaflyy Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I'm in agreeance with Typical. No matter what is really going on, your BF never denied anything. It's not even trying to defend himself. BTW, I've had this done to me before. Some creep that I was dating tried kissing my sister to end things with me. He went to the extreme because I was ignoring all of the other signs that he was constantly throwing at me. He knew also, that I was too good for him. He called me continuously after he realized what he'd lost. I was pretty dumb when it came to him, but in the end, what he did...there was no turning back from! Thank GOD! I think you should beat him to the punch and ditch him quick! You are too good for him anyways.
AriaIncognito Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 From my experience, a man doesn't take longer to release when it's been a week..usually, it takes less time if they've not been serviced elsewhere or by themselves. Not to be proud (well not for HIM to be proud) but the guy I was seeing until yesterday, he was faithful to me, and I dont believe he did much by way of self pleasure, and well, many times when we'd break the week long fast, he'd be pretty darn quick about things. Not to say he didn't please me anyway, but, his side, it felt so sensitive that he was done for very quickly. I'd say he's probably getting his kicks elsewhere, and if that's the case, you certainly don't want to be with him. You sound like you know exactly what you want, and he's not giving it to you. I know, because I'm there right now. It's hard has hell to walk away, but for your own sake, you need to. If it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to eachother, and things will be different. At least, that's how i'm trying to live my life... Jennifer
Author misslady7 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Thank you guys for your feed back, it's greatly appreciaed.
Author misslady7 Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 Most of you say I should leave him right? Apart of me wants to leave but another part of me wants to stay. At the same time it's like I am putting myself through so much hoping that one day this guy will see and understand, perhaps one day I would get the love and affection I am yearning for. I know guys this is really sad but I cannot hide my feelings.
ashnicole Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I think his friend is lying to you... to try to get what he wants from you. It's his dream to see the two of you break up, so that you'll be on the rebound, and go for him? I'd do some investigating of your own, and figure it out for yourself, and maybe even talk to your boyfriend about it, instead of going by what someone else says.
Recommended Posts