Guest Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 A common problem, I know, but I feel my case is a little unique. So here it goes. A few years ago, I had a class with a girl I had known since grade school. Until that time, I had never spent the time to talk to her and get to know her, nor did I consider her a romantic interest. In this class, we began speaking with one another. We joked with one another, started hanging out in our spare time, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. However, I still considered her nothing more than a friend, but in retrospect, thinking of the things she said and the way she treated me, I feel she may of liked me as more than a friend, though I was too dumb too pick up the signals. Anyway, fast forward a couple of years, and we've become great friends the best of friends. Sort of like that between Meg Ryan and Billy Chrystal in When Harry Met Sally, before they become romantically involved. She provides a uniquely feminine insight on my life, that I would normally not have. But I soon discover that I've begun to have feelings for her. And now I'm faced with a bit of puzzle, as I try to examine her behavior to see if she feels the same way. It seems as though she's feeding me a balanced set of pros and cons to my quandary. On one hand, she's opened up to me about guys she likes and that have liked her. While on the other, the things she says usually put down the guys that like her, while I hear less about guys she likes, though it does happen She laughs at virtually everything I say, even if it isn't funny. We have what I would call, "couples chemistry" when we speak to one another. It seems evident to others, as I have been asked dozens and dozens of times if she and I were going out. However, whenever I drop any hints at my desire for us to go out, the response I receive seems less than encouraging. One of my friends decided, without my encouragement, to take matters into his own hands, and so decided, while I was not present, to ask her why she and I were not going out. She responded by saying she liked me a lot, just not in that manner. After hearing that, I decided to drop the matter, and just try to let go of my aspirations. But she has continued to say and do things that make me wonder. For instance, whenever another girl will begin to talk to me in front of her, she will suddenly become hostile, biting the other girls head off, metaphorically of course. When we speak to one another, we often find ourselves, staring each other directly in the eye as we speak. Sometimes, she finds a reason to touch me, not often, but enough for me to notice. Now I wonder, when she was asked why we werent going out, if she really would have confessed any feelings for me in front of a bunch of guys, a number of whom my friends. Now I know most people would say that I should just ask her out, but I know for a fact that previous friendships with males that have asked her out have disintegrated or just "gotten weird" because of it. I value her friendship to much to risk ruining it. I think sometimes I filter out the negatives and just focus on the positives, so My inclination is that I have encountered that all too familiar problem in which you are too close to a girl to be considered a romantic possibility. I have started to let this go, but whenever I see her, there's still enough unsureness lingering in the back of my head. This has gotten too confusing. ANY AND ALL OPINIONS WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
scrybe74 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Hmm....I think I can relate to what you're going through. You don't want to hear this but ONLY consider her as a romantic interest if you accepted the fact that your friendship will be over either way it goes. If you really want her as a friend then try and let go of your feelings and distance yourself from her. Not only will this give you a clear head it will give both of you a chance to begin something with someone else. Close male/female friendships are very trick when you both are in relationships with other people (biting other girls heads off?) So you need to make a decision.
Saidar Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I was in the same situation as this once... Do you hug each other a lot?? You can tell a lot about her feelings for you by just "examining" how she hugs you. Lol this sounds funny but a friend or a potential lover will react differently. You should check out for how long the hug lasts, is it a quick "pat on the back" or does she put her head against your chest and smiles etc.... I think you get the picture... You said she doesn't like it when other girls talk to you?? That is a good sign, a friend will always try to make other girls like you, otherwise they have some feelings for you. It is likely that she is jealous, which is of course a good sign. Do you hang out a lot?? Every weekend?? Does she sacrifice other activities to be with you?? If so then she definately has feelings for you. Trying to find out the truth is going to be risky because you can't sacrifice her friendship, so you will have to mastermind a plan (hehe that sounds funny ) to find out the truth, and NOT lose her friendship. I think I can help you but please give me more details about how much time you spend together etc...
Poboy Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 One of my friends decided, without my encouragement, to take matters into his own hands, and so decided, while I was not present, to ask her why she and I were not going out. She responded by saying she liked me a lot, just not in that manner. There is your answer ... I have been in a similar situation , she just wanted to be friends , nothing more. I would say stay as friends if you cherish her friendship so much but if you gonna pop the question , be prepared for she might go away considering past examples you have said.
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