Uber Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Me and my girlfriend have been going out almost 6 months now. Almost 2 months ago there was an incident where she went out with some friends and one of her guy friends kissed her. I truly believe it wasn't her fault this happened and that she loved me when it did, because after it happened she said she couldn't stop crying and that she missed me. But despite this I still feel like she sort of put her self into the situation and that there's things she easily could have done to prevent it (such as make it more clear to the guy that she has a boyfriend). When she called me that night she told me about what happened and I really freaked out, I was really upset and kinda blew up at her as I was already worried about what would happen if she went out with this group. She broke up with me a few days later saying that she couldn't get me yelling at her out of her head and that she didn't need a relationship right now. We remained broken up for about 5 days (wed.-sun).. I was quite miserable durring this time feeling awful and like I had messed everything up myself. We got back together and everything was running perfectly. But a few weeks ago I found some old emails she had been sending to the guy that kissed her from around this time, saying that she was gonna break up with me cause she had lost all respect for me. The emails seemed really flirty towards him even calling him "sexy"(though that was sent while we were broken up). I just started to feel like she had broken up with me to go out with him, then got back together with me after he rejected her. I talked to her about them, and she that it was purely a physical attraction. I didn't know what to make of this answer but she hasn't spoken to the guy since then and calls him ajerk and that she hates him. Let me just say that I am absoulutely crazy about this girl, we get along fantasically and have the time of our lives together. I really do love her and want to stay with her. It just feels like I can't let this go. I sit around by myself and start thinking about it and just get upset about it all over again and feel the same way I did when I first found out. I don't want to think about it and I try not to, but it just happens sometimes. I look at her now and I love her but everytime I do, somewhere in the back of my mind i'm thinking about it. I just wanna move on and forget what happened but it's been 2 months and it still feels fresh in my mind. How much longer should this take?
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 How much longer should this take? No idea, but you're buying into her story a little too much. What really happened is: She was hanging out with this guy and kissed him because she wanted to. She regretted it afterwards and told you. Then when you got upset and yelled, she used that as leverage to turn things around and make you out to be the bad guy. She broke up with you hoping you'd chase after her and then the whole kissing thing could be swept under the rug in the process. The fact that you weren't invited out with them--she probably knew that this other guy would be there--and that she said there was a physical attraction toward him, support this.
Author Uber Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 Follow up question. Our relationship has been pretty much incident free since all this happened, we have a great time together and I love her very much. Does any of this matter now? It still hurts but we have no issues other than this, which she thinks is resolved. I don't want to break up with someone that I have such a great time with and I have no issues with other than something that happened two months ago. But all these feelings just keep coming back because of those emails and I feel like I shouldn't be feeling them now because it happened then in a completely different situation and they don't apply now.
tanbark813 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 There is no should or shouldn't in this case. You feel how you feel. If you really do want to stick it out with her, then your feeling this way will most likely lead to resentment and cause more issues. It could also be that you feel this way because your gut is trying to tell you something.
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