Noos Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Did anyone ever have a close friend who always got all the guys, like, whomever she wanted, including who you wanted? How did you cope with the jealousy or shrug it off? My (ex-)friend is a US size 4, tall and blonde and all the guys automatically wanted her and I was the friend that they would talk to about music, sports, politics and seek out for advice. She had no interests other than grooming herself and school and she was a very spoiled, selfish, princessy type (only girl in her family). Why are guys so blinded by beauty that they will rationalise the worst parts of a girl's personality or just put up with their crap? It used to make me mad at my friend and the guy.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Yes, my best friend of 16 years is like this. She is beautiful and flawless. Even her flaws are flawless!! Lol I wasn't jealous, but very very insecure. I loved her dearly and just tried to be happy for her. It was really hard in our teen years when I had zits and frizzy hair and dressed like a dork and hadn't settled into my body yet so I was kind of awkward. She was of course beautiful and stylish, clear smooth skin and a perfect tiny waiste. She got all the guys we both had crushes on. I finally outgrew this. I feel like I am who I am and I like that. She is who she is, spoiled, beautiful, skinny, stylish. Shes now married and I am with my SO so its not big deal anymore, but growing up it was hard as hell. I always felt so ugly next to her.
brightskies Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Did anyone ever have a close friend who always got all the guys, like, whomever she wanted, including who you wanted? Why are guys so blinded by beauty that they will rationalise the worst parts of a girl's personality or just put up with their crap? It used to make me mad at my friend and the guy. Growing up and attending all-girls schools I was one of "those girls," the kind you love to hate. C'mon, check out my avatar, those blue feet are hot! Now that my closest friends are gay men it's a moot point. But yes, it can get a little catty and competitive when you're young and vying for attention. You're jealous because you're insecure. And believe it or not, even the pretty girls can be jealous and insecure, too. If anything, they can be MORE jealous and insecure, being raised on the idea that they're valued for how they look, and looks don't last forever. The facts: There's always going to be someone prettier and smarter than you. No point in freaking out and being upset about it. There's always someone going to be someone uglier and dumber than you. No point in feeling superior about it. So, maybe these other women have an advantage because of their lucky genes. So what? They're them, you're you. Quit looking outwardly so much. Make yourself happy and improve yourself; build a more positive outlook. The more you spend time doing that instead of worrying about how other women are better off, or prettier, or getting the guys that you want, the less they'll bother you. I see women who aren't conventionally attractive and yet are sexy and beautiful regardless. It depends on how they carry themselves and the "vibe" they put off. They're comfortable and confident in themselves and it shows. Sounds hokey but your outlook does affect the kind of energy that you simultaneously emit and attract. People are generally attracted to positivity and confidence. How did you cope with the jealousy or shrug it off? It's not easy to just "shrug it off." It takes a lot of introspection and work to learn to let things go. It takes effort to re-wire your thought processes.
Author Noos Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Thanks but I didn't mean it to be that general. I'm talking that whenever I go out with this friend, she gets all the attention and I never get/got any attention despite having more in common with the guy, more to talk about, a more giving nature. When does that end? When does personality start to count for something to guys? Or is that never because they attribute positive qualities (that don't exist) to someone they think is hot anyway?
Bullgator Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 In my own case, the older I've gotten, the more I've come to appreciate "the whole package" as opposed to just the blonde hair or the tiny waist. (Although I'd be lying if I said those women still don't catch my eye first.)
brightskies Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Thanks but I didn't mean it to be that general. I'm talking that whenever I go out with this friend, she gets all the attention and I never get/got any attention despite having more in common with the guy, more to talk about, a more giving nature. When does that end? When does personality start to count for something to guys? Or is that never because they attribute positive qualities (that don't exist) to someone they think is hot anyway? The physical is merely an initial attractor. It takes more than one conversation and some time to get a man to see past a woman's looks. As Bullgator says, the more mature the man, the more he'll consider her other qualities. What age group of men are you fishing in? If you're on the lookout for dates, have you tried going out on your own or with another friend? Since Ms. Pretty's an ex-friend it's probably beside the point, but if you go out with her in the future it's likely that she'll continue to gain the majority of initial attention. Is this what caused your falling out with her? If other than her looks, she's not particularly nice or fun to be with (as you consider her spoiled, selfish, and lacking interests), why were you friends with her to begin with? Nonetheless, you can't ignore the part you play in the equation. Your own attitude, whether you recognize it or not, is SIGNIFICANT in attracting or not attracting the opposite sex. For example, if you generally believe that men are superficial dogs who see nothing but T & A, they're going to sense it and may be less open to you. If however, you go out into the dating pool with a more open and less judgemental frame of mind, it might change how they react to you.
serial muse Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 This is probably going to come out all wrong, Noos, but I'm genuinely asking out of curiosity, not to snark. Why are you friends with her, if she has no redeeming personality qualities?
lonelybird Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I am a jealous girl too (used to think I am NOT), specially during dating. If I begin to care a man, and a girl come out of her way to flirt with him, I just wanted to slap her:p . I am working on myself about the jealousy from time to time. sometimes I found the man would watch some girls very common. Every woman has her own special beauty I think. yesterday just read a book, it says "when you are jealous of someone, then you are manifying others' success and the personality you are jealous of, and deny that you have those potential too. Jealousy would blind you and prevent you from developing those quality". don't know if this true or not, and sorry for the poor translate
BrandonBP Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I was the friend that they would talk to about music, sports, politics and seek out for advice. If the guys enjoy talking to you, then you're the one they're going to want one day. I know that it doesn't help right now, but talking and personality go a lot farther with older men than a pretty face. Try dating older guys. Yes, they want beauty, too, but older guys want a companion more often than an idiot that's hot.
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I am going to help you by being more specific here... First let me say, she probably feels uncomfortable about the situation too. My best friend walked in on her boyfriend masturbating to a picture of me She is a beautiful girl, but this almost destroyed our friendship. It wasn't that she was jealous of me, she was just hurt by this obvious disaffection for her. I think this is what you may be refering too. She obviously has some traits which you find desirable as a friend, otherwise you wouldn't want to be her friend! I would say, STOP going out with her. Going to bars, and nightclubs isn't really about finding an intelligent girl with a great personality. This scene gives men a mind set to scan for beautiful women. If you regard yourself to be less glamorous than her. Then stop going to placed where beauty is revered. Find some friends who are what you believe to be not so aestheically pleasing and go out with or go to places where your intelligence and wealth of knowledge jacks you up above the rest. Find an enviroment that makes you confident in your own skin. As for your friend, she can't help being beautiful. But beauty fades, she will have to find a man by other means then!
Author Noos Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 I was friedns with her for 17 years because we got one well and understood each other one on one. I've found that I'm always there for her as a shoulder to cry on but she's never available for me. I went to her house last year for dinner and she was smoking pot, and then the phone rang and rather than saying, oh, my friend is here for dinner, she talked to the person on the phone for 40 mins rather than me. I mean, that really makes you feel importnant you know. She's too comfortable with our friendship - that's why we're not friends anymore. I'm her rock, she never asks me how I'm doing. Amulet, I think you're closer to what I was thinking about and whomever was above you in that post. It's just like, yes, I know looks are an initial attraction only, but what can I do if she always gets the opportunity presented based on initial attraction because she's closer to the Western ideal of beauty? I am never going to get an opportunity when I'm with her and if I intrioduce her to a new beau, I am scared that he'll be mesmerised by her too. I know I'm attractive - I'm above average - but I'm not the blonde stereotype of attractiveness which guys just seem to go ga ga for. It's the shallowness that I can't stand and knowing that, no matter what I do, I can't change that. She doesn't even have to make an effort. (That story, PA, about what your friend found out - christ, are you living in Fyshwick or something???)
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 LOL Omg how do you know about Fyshwick!? For everyone else, my place of residence is the national capital, it is also seems to be the sex industry capital of Australia too. That man was a sleaze, it was a photo of me at the beach. She has since ended that, but she tried to keep the relationship going. This made our friendship rocky. You are now mentioning the fear that if you introduced a boyfriend to her that her might become interested in her??! Why would you want to be with a man like that anyway!? Stick to my advice up above. Find a place where less shallow men dwell. This is where you will find the type of men meant for you.
Author Noos Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Find a place where less shallow men dwell. So, you're saying I should migrate? WA is such a macho place, it makes it hard to find reasonable men. I lived in Cba for work. A town full of public servants so boring that it is no wonder that Cba is the porn and heroin capital of Australia. And what's with mixing porn shops and brothrels in with furniture shops in Fyshwick? Planning error?
Sand&Water Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Is it that bad in Australia? or Canberra? It's strange because over here, in the US, most people don't have a hard time finding a decent man. Then why is Canberra the capital, if it's so boring?
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 That is a stupid question Sand&Water. Capital cities are decided before establishment for geographical reasons. Our capital is *considered* boring because it is mostly upper middle class, and has a high population of public servants (govt workers). We are also the only state capital not located next to water. Too be honest, it is not boring at all. I love Canberra, we have our politicians here and our parliament house. Which is great for me as a journo. The sex industry is fine by me, it is all legal, and relatively safe. Sex toys are cheap, who is complaining! Haha.
Sand&Water Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 There is no such thing as a stupid question. You just have to learn how to be more accepting. Be more cautious next time. It's called humor. I'm sure Australia (Canberra) is lovely.
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Yes, that is how we spell it. Z is a very unused letter in Australia
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