Pantero Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 To recap for those of you who are not familiar with my history, my ex broke up with me about 4 months ago. I don't care to go into it, but it involved both of us being at very different times in our lives where careers and marriage were concerned. Problem is, all of my friends are dating HER friends. I've spent the past 4 months in NC alone working, doing my graduate school, and finishing up the Auxiliary Police Academy. I graduate next week, and of course, all of my friends are coming but I didn't bother inviting the ex. Inevitably, we're going to run into each other at some point during the summer as we both have the same friends. (DO NOT EVER DATE FRIENDS...IT'S A MESS. LOOK AT MY SITUATION AND LEARN). I figured I'd be the bigger person and just keep it casual and civil, but not to stay away anymore. This really is a double edged blade I'm toying with here, but I know she sees them more than I see them. I refuse to turn this into a tug of war between friends, but at the same time, I'm not going to give any ground. Any thoughts?
fabulousgal Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Ya, I am there too buddy. I am struggling with this, dating friends is a bad bad thing. Worst part is my ex is like, super happy and I look like an idiot bc I have a difficult time being around him. I told my close friends I didn't see why they had to be friends. Just be blunt.
silentcharon Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 To recap for those of you who are not familiar with my history, my ex broke up with me about 4 months ago. I don't care to go into it, but it involved both of us being at very different times in our lives where careers and marriage were concerned. Problem is, all of my friends are dating HER friends. I've spent the past 4 months in NC alone working, doing my graduate school, and finishing up the Auxiliary Police Academy. I graduate next week, and of course, all of my friends are coming but I didn't bother inviting the ex. Inevitably, we're going to run into each other at some point during the summer as we both have the same friends. (DO NOT EVER DATE FRIENDS...IT'S A MESS. LOOK AT MY SITUATION AND LEARN). I figured I'd be the bigger person and just keep it casual and civil, but not to stay away anymore. This really is a double edged blade I'm toying with here, but I know she sees them more than I see them. I refuse to turn this into a tug of war between friends, but at the same time, I'm not going to give any ground. Any thoughts? Oh, it's so hard, hard sharing mutual friends after a break up. It was, for me, because people weren't sure what to do as we were together for so long. At first, people invited either me or him- sometimes I'd find out I wasn't invited simply because he was there, I felt hurt. I complained about it to people how it hurt that I wasn't being invited just because he was going to be there, then later found out people just didn't want drama and had my best interests at heart. So lately I've been hanging out with friends when he's there, and there hasn't been any problems so far. I think it is ok if you start going out with friends when your ex is included, ONLY, if you have moved on. Be prepared to be able to bite your tongue back if your ex takes someone home. I have moved on somewhat, and right now, I'm mentally and emotionally preparing myself for that night when I'll be present where he ends up taking someone home. It is really a double edged sword, it will cut you either way if you are not careful. Good luck pantero, and congratulations on your graduation!
fabulousgal Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Oh, it's so hard, hard sharing mutual friends after a break up. It was, for me, because people weren't sure what to do as we were together for so long. At first, people invited either me or him- sometimes I'd find out I wasn't invited simply because he was there, I felt hurt. I complained about it to people how it hurt that I wasn't being invited just because he was going to be there, then later found out people just didn't want drama and had my best interests at heart. So lately I've been hanging out with friends when he's there, and there hasn't been any problems so far. I think it is ok if you start going out with friends when your ex is included, ONLY, if you have moved on. Be prepared to be able to bite your tongue back if your ex takes someone home. I have moved on somewhat, and right now, I'm mentally and emotionally preparing myself for that night when I'll be present where he ends up taking someone home. It is really a double edged sword, it will cut you either way if you are not careful. Good luck pantero, and congratulations on your graduation! Do you talk to him? I have this issue coming up this weekend, I was invited and so is he. I'm really not over it, but I was considering going due to the fact he's seen me so weak over the breakup and it pisses me off I didn't stay stronger. But I was upset being that it was rather sudden (and for a very strange reason). I thought about showing up looking fabulous and having fun with my friends, so everyone doesn't percieve me as a whiny chick who is soooo hurt. I mean, I can save that for when I get home right?
Author Pantero Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 Thanks, silentcharon. It's really screwy, ain't it? The whole sharing friends thing. Well, that's the thing. I'm not sharing. I've made it clear to everyone it's fine. If she goes home with someone, yeah it'll hurt, but whatever... Then again, I might be the one going home with someone and not her. Bottom line is, moving on with my life involves being social with my friends. After 4 months of not doing anything else but working and not playing, I'm at my rope's end and need to get out there to enjoy life again.
Author Pantero Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 Do you talk to him? I have this issue coming up this weekend, I was invited and so is he. I'm really not over it, but I was considering going due to the fact he's seen me so weak over the breakup and it pisses me off I didn't stay stronger. But I was upset being that it was rather sudden (and for a very strange reason). I thought about showing up looking fabulous and having fun with my friends, so everyone doesn't percieve me as a whiny chick who is soooo hurt. I mean, I can save that for when I get home right? I think you should get dressed up, look your best, go out with a positive attitude, and just have fun. Forget about what people think of you as far as being the "whiny chick" goes. Get back to the old you and your friends will be your friends all the same. If something bothers you, handle it with grace...save the waterworks for behind closed doors. It's a process...all of it.
silentcharon Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Do you talk to him? I have this issue coming up this weekend, I was invited and so is he. I'm really not over it, but I was considering going due to the fact he's seen me so weak over the breakup and it pisses me off I didn't stay stronger. But I was upset being that it was rather sudden (and for a very strange reason). I thought about showing up looking fabulous and having fun with my friends, so everyone doesn't percieve me as a whiny chick who is soooo hurt. I mean, I can save that for when I get home right? Yes, I still talk to him and hang out with him now and then. If you think you can handle seeing him at the event, by all the means, go. But whatever you do, DO NOT START DRAMA. If he does something like hit on a girl or whatever, SAY NOTHING. At least don't say anything or do anything the same night, save it for some other time where you can talk to him alone if you must. That way, you won't be percieved as that ex who might go nuts if he does something. Don't forget to have fun, and be fab!
silentcharon Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Thanks, silentcharon. It's really screwy, ain't it? The whole sharing friends thing. Well, that's the thing. I'm not sharing. I've made it clear to everyone it's fine. If she goes home with someone, yeah it'll hurt, but whatever... Then again, I might be the one going home with someone and not her. Bottom line is, moving on with my life involves being social with my friends. After 4 months of not doing anything else but working and not playing, I'm at my rope's end and need to get out there to enjoy life again. Yep, it's screwy, all right! I'm not saying it won't hurt, I know it'll hurt me too, but the very least I can do is that I won't start a s***storm over it and bow out with grace at the end of the night. You're totally right, it's really too bad you share friends with your ex, but they are still your friends, so go out and don't worry one bit. Just be yourself, and you'll be all right
Author Pantero Posted June 24, 2006 Author Posted June 24, 2006 Well...for those of you who have to share mutual friends... BAD IDEA. Ended up leaving early. Not to mention some fat kid with a condescending attitude pissed me off.....stupid fat f***. The ex had a blast, apparently. I'm kind of drunk right now....venting... She wins, what can I say. She's totally over it. I'm not. f***in' sucks.
miranda beverly Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 Well to tell you the truth, I moved to a different town, ditched all of our "mutual friends" and just started making new friends. It was hard, and a lot of "our" friends were confused as to where I went. It was like I dropped off the face of the earth. And I do miss some of them, but I know that he is better friends with them and probably ruined my name pretty damn good anyway. He was pretty good about s*** talking me. I kept one friend that was his friend also. And as much as I love love love the kid to death, I just stopped returning the friends phone calls. Which is pretty mean of me, but I think down the road he will understand. It's just so hard and I also don't want him to ever try to "see how I'm doing" by just simply asking one of our friends. That's just me though. I'm also sort of crazy.
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