basscatcher Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I'm feeling really slammed at the moment. I recieved a phone call from my friends husband about 20 minutes ago. He informed me that she passed away last night at 10:15pm in the hospital. She died from cancer. The last time I talked to her she called me and requested prayers. She was diagnosed with Paget's disease. Since then I hadn't heard of everything else. She had cancer through her body. She has been on oxygen in the hospital for the past month. I'm in shock. Tears flood off and on and I'm sitting here at work feeling numb. She and I were close. She told me one time I am like another daughter to her. We played pranks at work when we worked together. It was Her and I that did the tampon joke on the assclown guy --for those of you who read about me telling the story. My gosh I don't even know what to do with myself right now.. I can't make it to her wake or funeral. Its 5 hours away and I have family coming down this weekend for my cousins wedding. My mom is staying with me.
Diver012 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Im so very very sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers
KittenMoon Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I'm so sorry for your loss! My thoughts are with you and your friend's family.
Buttaflyy Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 My condolensces to you as well Pada! Should you be at work right now?
thegoodhubbie Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Very sorry to hear about your loss. I have lost a lot of people in the last few years. Never gets any easier. Stay strong
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 My condolensces Pada.. I'm sorry for your loss ****Hug****
Becoming Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Slammed is the right word. I'm sorry. Even if you can't go to services, you can do your own memorial service to her later, as I had to when a good friend died and I couldn't go. I just intentionally put my own prayer and memorial service together for her in a quiet room with music we loved and candles and tears and prayers of thanksgiving, intercession, and confession. I just talked to her as though she were there. It was healing, and she knew. Just talk to her and pour out your grief in prayer when you can. And thank God for the communion of saints--living and dead--who'll help you get through.
Author basscatcher Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 I'm at work. I had to get away from my work and desk for awhiile. I stepped into the conference room to be alone. My lunch break was 45 mins away when I recieved the news so I left work and went to the park I like to sit in and made a few calls to mutual friends I knew her husband wouldn't remember to call. (We were all co-workers). I've been remembering lots. Thanks everyone for your thoughts.. I means a lot to me. I'm going to send a flower arrangement tomorrow for the wake and funeral and then send money to him to help with expenses. They have been struggling hard financially the past couple years and I remember her saying it was getting worse at xmas time. He is going to need the financial support right now. She and her husband are 28 years apart in age. She was older. He is my age. She suffered from asthma for most of her life. I thought for sure it wouild be a asthma attack that would get her. Instead cancer. She was diagnosed with Paget Disease around xmas last year. Its so sad. Her husband is going to have a difficult time.. She was everything to him. He has some minimal/mild mental retardation. She taught him so much about life, responsiblity, love, etc. She was his rock. He was a man whom she loved because of his innocense and very good heart. The world was mean to him growing up but he always remained kind, considerate, sweet, sensitive, and giving to everyone. It was his good heart that she loved so much... They were ment for each other.. I'm going to miss her wild sense of humor, Her dirty mind and sexual expressions. She was a trip.
crazy_grl Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 So sorry to hear that. Sounds like she was a wonderful person. **hugs**
HokeyReligions Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I'm so sorry Padameckla. It's going to hurt for a while - no way around that. Maybe you can get up there next weekend and just spend some time with her husband and then time with other of her friends to share some memories and grief. If you have mutual friends where you are - may you can get together at some favorite 'haunt' and toast her memory - maybe share some photographs and some funny stories. Put a tampon on the table and when people ask about it - share that story with them, she sounds like the kind of person who would get a kick out of that. She knows you are going to grieve, but I'll bet she would tell you to have some fun and laughs and would be pleased that her memory be a part of it.
riobikini Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 My heartfelt condolences, Pada. And prayer for you, as well as your friend's husband and each of their respective families. Hugs, -Rio
Author basscatcher Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 I started to clean house late last night. This isn't something I normally do. I washed 5 loads of laundry, vacuumed floors, did the dishes up from the night before and ordered pizza for supper. I was in bed by 10pm and felt like I slept hard but didn't sleep. I took the day off just so I can go through my emotions. I didn't want to be at work with expectations on me and me being emotionally unstable and irritable. I haven't even got in the shower yet and I need to go get a sympathy card and send it out today. I have no motivation. I have a gf coming down from Fargo, ND. She is coming early because I am home. Her xbf is flying in from Iraq (military) and she is picking him up. It will be good to spend some time with her. Even with the loss of another friend. They didn't know each other but knew of each other. (what perfect timing.)
Becoming Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Glad to hear you're taking care of yourself. WWIU has some great ideas (as usual!). Prayers for peace in the midst of your grief. Just let it be.
Buttaflyy Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I have a gf coming down from Fargo, ND. She is coming early because I am home. Her xbf is flying in from Iraq (military) and she is picking him up. It will be good to spend some time with her. Even with the loss of another friend. They didn't know each other but knew of each other. (what perfect timing.) That is great timing Pada! Glad you took the day off. May God be with you.
quankanne Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 you have my sincerest condolences, pada, as does your friend's husband. I hope you're able to spend some time with him, sharing all that you love about her with him ... hugs, quank
Author basscatcher Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 you have my sincerest condolences, pada, as does your friend's husband. I hope you're able to spend some time with him, sharing all that you love about her with him ... hugs, quank my gf didn't make it down yesterday so I tried to fill the day with little things. ex: like fixing my sons BMX bike. I havent' tinkered with a bike since I was a teenager. --- I'm going to write a letter to her husband and children to share with them what I know of his wife and their mother. She shared with me many concerns and praise of her children and how much she loved her husband--that he was the love of her life.. I'm going to share with them the 'tampon' story and how she use to make me blush with so much embarrassment because of how much she loved to talk about sex.. This lady was never afraid to express anything, not even to her children. She said it like it is.. and with vulgarity if need be to get the point across.. I found her obit online today in the local newspaper. She was 67 yrs old. I almost broke down upon reading it. I wish I could be there.. I think writing to them will help me with some closure.
Buttaflyy Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 my gf didn't make it down yesterday so I tried to fill the day with little things. ex: like fixing my sons BMX bike. I havent' tinkered with a bike since I was a teenager. --- I'm going to write a letter to her husband and children to share with them what I know of his wife and their mother. She shared with me many concerns and praise of her children and how much she loved her husband--that he was the love of her life.. I'm going to share with them the 'tampon' story and how she use to make me blush with so much embarrassment because of how much she loved to talk about sex.. This lady was never afraid to express anything, not even to her children. She said it like it is.. and with vulgarity if need be to get the point across.. I found her obit online today in the local newspaper. She was 67 yrs old. I almost broke down upon reading it. I wish I could be there.. I think writing to them will help me with some closure. That's a great idea Pada! I'm sure they will appreciate it as well:)
Author basscatcher Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 Today was her funeral. I'm sure they are in procession to the cemetary right now. I wrote a letter to her husband and her children this morning. The words flowed so easily and tears flooded my face as I sat here at my work desk. I got the letter w/card and $100 in the mail today. Here is my letter: Dearest ***, ****, ****, **** I wanted to share a little with you all; because I couldn’t be there. Janis was a wonderful lady with a big heart and so much laughter to share. When she and I lived closer to one another I looked up to her as a grandmother/mother/friend/and mentor figure. She cared about me (as I did her), worried about me (as I did her) and loved me (as I did her) in all my stubbornness, immaturity, stupid-ness, bad choices, weakness, naïve-ness, disappointments, craziness, sadness and struggles. If I would have known she was in the hospital I would have come to see her and be by her side. Over the years, as we each moved around, struggled financially and faced each challenge in life we kept in touch at Christmas time with a card and/or a phone call. It always felt like we never separated. Janis was a gem in my life and she brought me much joy knowing her. When she and I communicated she always expressed such joys about her children. She shared with me often about each of you. For not really knowing any of you I feel like I do through her. She was so very proud of each of you (****, ****, and ****) and how you each had grown to be loving, responsible and successful individuals. She loved all of you with such motherly love. ***, when Janis and you began your friendship across the road from one another in that trailer park in Salo, she was like a teenage girl again. She shared with me each step of your relationship as it unfolded. I was the first to know what was happening between the two of you. You stirred in her a zeal for life and love again. Your kindness, sincerity, innocence and love won her heart. She expressed to me many, many times that you are the love of her life and she was so blessed to have you as her husband. She cherished you and loved you with all her being. I have many fond memories of Janis. My house has many trinkets of gifts from her regarding our friendship. Janis was a giver. She loved to make things and give little gifts of appreciation to those she really cared about and loved. I will never forget her. I will dearly miss her. Now-to share a bit of memories with you— I remember when Janis and I first met. We both were working at Marvin Windows. I was an injured worker and my manager thought I could do the work on the prime line so I was transferred to work with Janis. When I first met her my first thoughts about her were: She is bossy. She is pushy. She is intimidating. She seemed angry all the time. She had little patience. She swears worse then a trucker!!! After I got to know her, I found out she was: A hard worker. A no nonsense person. Very honest and open. Very outspoken but understanding. She was a leader. She was forgiving. She was very loving. She was very giving. She was funny as hell. She was creative. She loved SEX. She loved to talk about SEX. She was a story teller of sorts. She became one of my trusted and dear close friends. Her arms were comforting; her smile eased all the stress in my day. Her wisdom was truth. And her sense of humor could make your sides hurt from laughter. Here’s a little story I will share-just in case you haven’t heard it yet: Your mother was good at giving back what others so rightly deserved. (Be it revenge!) When Janis and I worked on the Primeline there was a man (Kent) whom worked on the line next to us. He was in his mid-late 20s. He was a woman hater. He was very negative and slanderous. He called Janis and I derogatory names daily and we both were sick of hearing him. She reported him to the supervisor many times but he didn’t stop. Sometimes it made it worse. Janis and I were miserable having to listen to him every day over and over. She confronted him several times and even gave him back a few word choice words of her own and nicknames. We would giggle amongst ourselves about it but it never resolved itself. No matter how much fire Janis gave back to him and even threatened him he still didn’t back off making out lives miserable. Even the other guys who worked with him were annoyed by him. We tried every resource we could think of that was reasonable so then Janis’s devious, creative, revengeful mind came up with a plan to knock this guy down a few notches. She knew Kent brought a thermos of coffee to work everyday and left it on the table in the break room. She wanted to find a way to get back at him for his rottenness. We thought of sugar, salt anything to ruin it. I don’t know who came up with the actual idea but we decided we were going to embarrass him and humiliate him for being so rotten.. TAMPONS… We mutually decided to put a few tampons in this thermos so when he went to pour his coffee they would go ‘plop, plop’ into his cup in front of all his comrades. So I planned to bring in the ‘tampons’ because she obviously wouldn’t have any. She would be the culprit to do the dirty work of putting them in his thermos. We chose a perfect time when the lines were really busy, he had just returned from a bathroom break and we made our way to the lunch room. I stood as a lookout while she went into the lunch room and ‘plunged’ them into his thermos. When break time came we sat at our work station waiting and watching for him to come back to work. He was slow to return to his post. Janis and I had a very, very hard time keeping a straight face and not busting out laughing. When Kent returned he was quiet, he didn’t have much to say. His face was a little bit red and he looked like he was ready to explode from anger. Janis and I snickered many times about this incident and neither of us ever heard anything about it. NO rumors, no one questioned us, and Successfully, Kent mellowed out and didn’t banter us as much. I think our revenge worked. We both thought he knew it was us and didn’t dare challenge us. Janis was bigger then life and she surely left her mark in mine. I am very grateful and honored to have known such a loving, giving, caring, funny, wonderful lady. Her memory will forever be cherished. When I am, someday, visiting home (Oklee), I will make my way to visit her where she peacefully lays. Her physical vessel may lay with us here but her spirit will forever follow us wherever we maybe. We will never be alone again with her forever spiritually at our sides. Many Blessings to each of you,
Author basscatcher Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 I just recieved a phone call from my gfs husband. He almost had me in tears on the phone. He told me that my letter made him cry and he reads it over and over. He told me that he is going to make copies of it and give a copy to all her children. He has shown my letter to his family and friends also. He told me that he keeps the letter close to him because my words mean so much to him. He told me that I was very dear to her and I meant a lot to her. [tears] He told me that when she was in the hospital she talked about me and asked about me. He said she told him that she wanted me to have something of hers and he was supposed to make sure I got it. He said its a Angel. He asked if he could call me once in awhile and always to keep in touch. I told him yes he could. He told me a little bit about the last 3 hours of her life and how she forgave those whom she was upset with and distant from. She responded with hand squeezes and blinking eyes. (She couldn't speak). Oh how I wish I could have spent time with her before she left. To hug her and hold her hand. To tell her thank you for her friendship, guidance and love. I know she knows this. But for me to be able to actually do those things in person would help me to say Good bye to her humaness. I know she is with me in spirit and she knows how I feel and what I think.. The sadness is still in me.. I miss her. I thought I would see her again on this earth. We take out friendships for granted sometimes and we may not always get to say how much we appreciate one another. I thought I would see her again when my life got better and I was able to get a new car, and save money to drive home and up to see her someday. I never thought I would loose her so soon.
Becoming Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Love never dies. You know this. A virtual comforter and mug of hot cocoa (or whatever else would be of comfort and cheer). Your friend is no doubt thrilled at the thoughtfulness of your letter that will continue to bring comfort to the family.
simply_dani Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 So sorry to hear about your loss Pada. Reading all your posts just brought tears to my eyes, especially the letter you sent to her family. I know wherever your friend is right now that she is happy of what you did and that she surely is very grateful to have a friend like yourself. You may have lost her physically but you know your memories of her would live in your heart forever. Just continue to pray for her soul. And try to be there for her family in any way you can. God bless you and your good heart Pada.
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