sunnie23 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 i find myself posting about my boyfriend a lot more that i'd like to be. i just don't understand him at all. but i love him, and i want this to work out. with every relationship i've ever had i've been completely insatiable. i want more of their time, more affection, more attention, etc. i realize that i can be unreasonable so i try to hide this yearning i always have and find other ways to satisfy it. we've been dating for almost seven months. in the beginning he was so attentive, we were always together, he was completely affectionate and did all the right things. every day we would be at work but we'd be sending text messages to each other all day long....an hour was too long to not have contact with one another. we met each other's families, and friends, and i have really become attached to him. i recently told him that i loved him, and he replied with, i wish i could say it back, but it gets thrown around too much. i need to know that i really mean it. but please dont take that the wrong way because i really like you a lot. he brings me to family gatherings and i'm included in everything he does with his friends. when i'm out with my girls it's not unusual for him to "show up" at some point in the night. he keeps finding these interesting events for us to go to, and when we do things like that i feel like a total princess. i found out on the weekend through a mutual friend that every girlfriend he has ever had has cheated on him. she told me that when we started dating, the one thing he made clear was how different i was. she said he's been through some brutal experiences with women in the past and was deeply hurt by them. she said i have to be patient, even though my feelings are there it's going to take him a while longer because he is so afraid. she also said that she's never known him to introduce anyone to his family, or that he brought around as much as he does with me. but i don't know if that means anything. i can be very insecure, and i usually deduce his wanting my company at these events to just needing a social contact there. i don't understand this. there's nothing i wouldn't do for him, and i would never intentionally hurt him. he is everything to me - no other man would ever even come close at this point. every day i do everything i can to show him this, and i am starting to worry that he'll never understand, that maybe he's just not capable of loving at this point. do i stick it out, or do i let him go to try to find someone who can love me back as much as i love them?
kellyp1 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Words (and titles for that matter) are just that. It seems through his actions he loves you, he just needs to come to grips with that. Don't let the words replace how he treats you and how he makes you feel. I would say ease off a little and let things happen as they will. Seven months is still early in the scheme of things...
ashnicole Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 If he's still around, then obviously he's trying. Actions speak louder than words, and it looks like he treats you pretty good... like his friend said, he's just scared. Give him some time... talk to him about it... communication is key, especially with something like this. But don't pressure him, it may just run him off.
misslady7 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Question, are you on a member on dxp.net. I remember reading this story like this on that site. Well anyway, in my opinion I believe that you should stick with it especially now that you know his reason for being the way he is now which has to do with him being hurt in the past. Hey this may all be worth your while. You know good things comes to those who wait, and honestly I can relate to your story. Sometimes it takes time for men to open up and feel comfortable. Perhaps he wants to be totally secure with you and until he has that he may not allow you in where is feelings lie. I do hope that things work out, and he opens up to you because it would really help if you knew exactly how he felt right? Stick with it, unless you feel that you are hurting yourself, if not stick it out. I wish you the best Keep me posted okay?
katherine123 Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I'm kind of in the same situation. My boyfriend tells me he loves me, we've met the families, and have been together about 6 months. the first 3 or 4 months we spent all our time together and it wasnt a prob for us cuz thats the kind of attention i wanted, but these past 3 months we seem to just be miserable. as long as he acts like he loves you, just give him time. almost all my bf gf cheated on him and i havent but he seems to think im gonna disappoint him like they all did. maybe thats what ur bf thinks???
Aloralily Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 Sunnie... I can't tell you how similar your story is to mine! Even our dating timeline is exactly the same... incredible. I'm in the EXACT same situation with my boyfriend. He shares his friends, family, and life with me.... and that would be so wonderful, except for the fact that he NEVER shares his feelings with me. NEVER EVER! But I really came to understand why, through his stories and explanations from his friends/family. He was cheated on and left by his ex-wife, and had a horrible divorce. It's been almost two years, and he's tried to move on and fall in love. But all of his past girlfriend seemed to give up on him in one way or another, and broke it off. He's been through so much pain, that it's become hard for his to trust and open up. I completely understand this. But I also understand how you feel. I have grown to love this man so deeply, in a way I never knew I could. In the past I've always loved, with the expectation of receiving love in return. But now, I find myself okay with the fact that he might not be there yet... and so I hold onto my little love secret. I know that he is growing towards that direction, and the best thing for me to do is to be patient, and let him grow at his own pace. Besides... as with your boyfriend, mine also has a way of communicating his feelings without words. He shows that he cares through his actions... which should speak louder than words. The best thing for us to do is to continue doing what we are doing. Maybe even communication in his style, with actions over words. I think over time, when he is ready, he will come around. He wouldn't have dated you and made you such a big part of his life if you were just some girl he was not really into. Sometimes I think I'm going to lose it from waiting so long, and being patient with him... but then I reassure myself of what I see over what I hear, and I understand it all again. Keep your chin up, and continue being patient. Be good to him; SHOW him thoughtfulness and love, and over time it will grow. Keep up the good work!
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