Knight80 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Here.. is as short as i can make this.... Been with a girl 5 years. Love her to death. After two years i started getting really jealous and we argued, a LOT. We went out and got drunk one night, had a massive row and broke up, i went home she stayed at one of my mates house. She decided she wanted to break up and even tho it crushed me i had no choice but to go ahead with it. I spent three months trying to get her back and after three months i did. She confessed to getting drunk one night and because she hated me as i wouldn't let her go on a night out with my friends as seeing her crushed my spirit, she confessed to kissing another boy and waking up in his bed but asssured me nothing happened, i was devastated and it took me a long time but i got over it. Just. Anyways we got back together on the grounds that (a) she didn't sleep with anyone else (and have sex) during the break up and (b) she didn't do anything to put me at risk from STI's. She was sorry, i sought councelling for jealousy and handled it quite well so that was sorted and we thought we could be happy together. This love is a very very deep love. We've been together about 2 years since then are are fully in love and things are back to how they should be. However, a couple of weeks ago we both got drunk and had a slight arguement, i was defending one of my friends to her as she was putting him down and then in a drunken blurr she confessed to having sex with him, unprotected. This guy, who she slept with.. was the guy (my best friend at the time) who's house she stayed at that night we broke up. Which means 4 hours later she was having unprotected sex with my best friend. And thats the whole reason we split, and didn't get back together for 3 months. She tried to forget it and even tho she confessed to HIS girlfriend at the time she never told me. The three of them decided to keep it a secret from me. I now have to deal with (a) do i stay with her cause we've been together 2 years since and me not knowing probably did help but now i feel crushed again (b) i have to get an STI test cause we've been sleeping together unprotected and there's a possibility i could have HIV or even full blown aids now. (although i seriously doubt it i'm still getting tested) © i've lost a friend, who with his girlfriend and mine decided to lie to me for the best part of two years. What do I do? She's sorry and hated that it happened but she couldn't live with the guilt anymore. She wants to make this work and has never "technically" cheated on me, however, i feel you can't escape these things on a technicality. Please help my world is upside down at the moment.
Poboy Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 a) do i stay with her cause we've been together 2 years since and me not knowing probably did help but now i feel crushed again Do you really love her and ready to forgive her and give her another chance considering the fact she lied to you about the whole thing. She did what she did to get back at your action of not allowing her to go out. Do you really see a future with such a woman and everything depends on how much you love her . If you think you can give her another chance , try to work on things between the two of you. If not , there will be someone out there you can trust . I wish you good luck , ALWAYS protect yourself ... never again take the risk
Guest Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 She did what she did to get back at your action of not allowing her to go out. I should probably clear up that we usually fought and then got back together after we'd slept it off, the night we broke up we broke up (in her mind) becasue of what she'd done. I didn't know, i thought it was becasue we were fighting. I truly believe that if it wouldn't have happened we would have got back together. It was that night that i didn't know about which broke us up. She kept that a secret from me and it was 2 months later or so when this night happened that i asked her not to come, i asked her not to come before the night and on the night i told her it was wrong of me to say that and that she should come, i couldn't stop her but she didn't come and got mad instead, she went to a party, met up with a guy kissed him passed out in his bed and then woke up and left. She admits to kissing him but denies anything happened. I believe nothing happened on this occasion and it was THIS that she DID tell me about that i had real real trouble with. Now, two years later i found out there was a second instance, which did result in full sex, one position only to which she says she didn't make any effort but never defends herself when i say things like "Did you kiss him back" or "i bet you liked it at the time but regretted it afterwards". This to me is mind blowing. I cannot believe the level of betrayal, i asked her time and time and time again if she'd put me at a SDI risk and she said no. No0w i find out two years too late she did take a risk, and that i could have (although doubtful) been infected with something. Do you really see a future with such a woman and everything depends on how much you love her . If you think you can give her another chance , try to work on things between the two of you. If not , there will be someone out there you can trust . Well lets put it this way you can't just turn off your feelings can you. Yes i do love her, yes i want more than anything for this to work but my god... what do i do, forgiving is easy -- forgetting and stopping the constant (and i do mean constant) nightmares about it, is so very very hard. I wish i could even things out, or get hypnotised to forget it or something. i wish i could turn back the clock and rather than sitting in my bed moaning about her i would have gone looking for her and stopped it.... Wishing gets you no where tho does it. I need a councellor i'm sure but i dont make much money and can't afford it. Does anyone know if you can get relationship councelling for free in the UK? i've looked but had no luck so far.... Thanks for the reply.. please keep em coming i would like lots of views on this...
fabulousgal Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Many years ago, this happened to me. My ex and I took a break and I went on some dates but nothing happened for me outside of hand holding, but when we got back together I asked him did he do anything that we needed to go get tested for. He said no. Four months later, I found out he slept with someone during our break. She was a friend, not a good friend, but a friend. So I broke up with him. Never looked back, I think I tried for a few weeks to work it out but I didn't really see myself with someone who would put me at risk. It's selfish, and I almost felt like he was "tainted" now. So, I let him go, and never regretted it.
clamchowderz Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 she held this secret for two years?! two years. that is a whole lot of time spent on this girl and in the back of her mind she knew she had to tell you but couldnt for two years. this is rough. she had unprotected sex hours after you broke up? HOURS? leave that girl. only hours after you broke up she left to have sex with some guy and to top it off without a condom?! there is something special about knowing that your girl has only been with you finding out later that someother guy, a drunk guy actually, went there is mind blowing. leave her. you have too. look what this girl did. do you even want to have sex with her still? this girl could have been knocked up. if your not physically attracted to her anymore then go. leave. and never look back. emotionally its gonna be hard but that is what happens after all breakups. im sorry about your friends not telling you, thats messed up. i believe if you cant handle ourself in the situation the best thing to do is to pack up and move somewhere else and start a new life. people are so cruel and decieving but every once and while you will find someone and it will take time, who makes you not question anything about them, who you are able to trust and believe in. your girl kept her secret so she wouldnt have to deal with hurting you. two years. in that amount of time you easily could have found someone new. easily. now its her turn to suffer and who knows maybe in two years you will feel differently. good luck.
BrandonBP Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 There's really only one question that matters here: Do you truly love her? If so, then deal with it as best you can and be in love with her.
Pantero Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Game Over. She hid it for 2 years. What else is she hiding? You can't trust her. I hope your results come back negative. If they do, consider it a sign to break things off and to keep living instead of being down and out over this whole sideshow circus of freaks.
Author Knight80 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 Well even tho this is a horrid situation, i think i'm prepared to give it a go. I do love her emmensely and she deeply regrets what she's done. We have talked and talked about this but i think we need a referee so to speak.. Please can someone suggest some way for a poor man to get some relationship councelling (U.K.). Can you be refered by your GP? Can you suggest companies to try? Anyone at all......
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