Shell Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 for some reason my bf only initiates sex after he has secretly viewed porn. If I come on to him, he never gets aroused and makes excuses. This makes me feel unattractive and somewhat used. Has anyone else experienced this problem? Think the worst thing is, he looks at teen porn (he is 31) and I am 48, but am petite with a slim figure and i'm told that I am attractive. He lived with his mum till last year when he moved in with me, so wondered if its just a habit he has got into. Who needs pictures/movies when you can have the real thing? I really wish it didnt bother me and I have tried putting it to the back of my mind, telling myself that at least he does get turned on. Have tried everything to suggesting viewing porn with him to asking him if there is anything i could do to turn him on (short of a blow job!!). Nothing seems to work.
scrybe74 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I'm a guy and I believe porn is okay and can be a healthy part of the relationship but what you wrote bothers me. #1) when you say 'teen' porn do you mean underage (under 18) or you do mean young looking women who are of the the legal age. He has serious problems if he is looking at underage girls OR even looking at girls that PRETEND to be underage. That should be a huge red flag for you and there isn't much you can do about it. #2) The fact that he can't seem to get aroused without looking at porn first is a whole 'nother problem. Unless you like it for some reason you have every right to be concerned. You should be enough to get him aroused with or without the porn. He shouldn't NEED the porn. It's nice to spice things up a little but not being able to perform without it is bad. He sounds like he may need some counseling to help him--if he wants it. #3) '...short of a blow job'... - Um....what's wrong with giving him a blowjob? He is your boyfriend isn't he? Does he not go down on you either? That just sounds weird. In any case I think you are in a bad situation and probably need to rethink if you want to continue this relationship. Just my humble opinion.
Author Shell Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 He tends to look at 18 and over, but some have looked really young. No, i really dont mind giving him a blow job - he rarely goes down on me - said he doesnt like it (however, he has done it voluntary a couple of times). I agree about the counselling but he has to accept he has a problem first I guess. I have even tried not showing my body to him at bed time (ie putting the light out and not showing any interest, but it doesnt seem to bother him. All he says is you dont need to put the llght out. He cant understand how hurtful it is when he rejects my advances to him. He says I shouldt take it personally! He is quite selfish in bed - said it takes too long to make a woman climax and he read in a magazine that most women dont reach one! He never tries to please me, only himself.
Author Shell Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Forgot to mention - hes got as far as looking at forced rape! now that did bother me.
scrybe74 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Again....I don't want to judge people's sexual preferences and tastes (as long as it's legal and not hurting anyone) but it just sounds like you two are incompatible sexually. Apparently there is something else about him that draws you to him. I really don't see (based on what you've told me) what's so great about this guy. You did mention the age difference and it is quite a bit. Why did you choose such a young man anyway? Putting his age aside he seems really immature and selfish. I just don't get it. Have you met any other men who are older or more mature lately? You just can't change anyone and I would imagine that you already know that. You can change the situation your in or change yourself. You can learn to like his sexual practices or you can learn to like someone else who's more compatible. You seem pretty open minded in the sex area so there are a many other men who would be happy to share a bed (and their life) with you every night. Just think about it.
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Forgot to mention - hes got as far as looking at forced rape! now that did bother me. That is disgusting. The whole situation sounds horrible. Sex is a barometer for what is going on in the relationship. Either he doesn't find you attractive or he has some serious issues.
blind_otter Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Again....I don't want to judge people's sexual preferences and tastes (as long as it's legal and not hurting anyone) but it just sounds like you two are incompatible sexually. Apparently there is something else about him that draws you to him. I really don't see (based on what you've told me) what's so great about this guy. You did mention the age difference and it is quite a bit. Why did you choose such a young man anyway? Putting his age aside he seems really immature and selfish. I just don't get it. Have you met any other men who are older or more mature lately? You just can't change anyone and I would imagine that you already know that. You can change the situation your in or change yourself. You can learn to like his sexual practices or you can learn to like someone else who's more compatible. You seem pretty open minded in the sex area so there are a many other men who would be happy to share a bed (and their life) with you every night. Just think about it. All good points. I would also add that it's interesting to note that he went from living at home with his mother to living with you. Was there a period prior to this when he was on his own? Because a 30 year old living at home smacks of emotional immaturity to me.
Author Shell Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 no he has never lived alone and has no desire to do so. I guess he does have a lot of growing up to do though. He has yet to discover himself. I guess all I can do is try to help him. We had a long discussion last night as he has many other issues, including lying. he actually admitted to this last night. Said he had to lie when he was at home because of his mother. His parents always wanted him to be something he is not. I feel I should give him a chance but just hope I am doing the right thing.
sugarplum Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 He is quite selfish in bed - said it takes too long to make a woman climax and he read in a magazine that most women dont reach one! He never tries to please me, only himself.cx WTF! I mean, I dont want to sound rude, but this alone makes him sound like a jackass to me. And this is without the teen/nudie/rape pics.
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