john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I've been dating my gf for nearly 3.5 years. Sometimes she'll go 2 nights without calling me even if she has not talked to me on IM. She usually calls or IMs me every night before I go to bed. If a girl does not call you everyday does that mean she's not into me? Also she usually does not follow up with a phone call on the same night that she talks to me through IMs. I just want to know what is the normal frequench of contact if a girl is into you. She lives 1 hour away from me by car and there's a 50 mile distance between us.
Pyro Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I've been dating my gf for nearly 3.5 years. Sometimes she'll go 2 nights without calling me even if she has not talked to me on IM. She usually calls or IMs me every night before I go to bed. If a girl does not call you everyday does that mean she's not into me? Also she usually does not follow up with a phone call on the same night that she talks to me through IMs. I just want to know what is the normal frequench of contact if a girl is into you. She lives 1 hour away from me by car and there's a 50 mile distance between us. This is just me, but I make it a habit to have some sort of communication with my GF everyday. We don't hang out everyday, we make sure to give each other space and do our own things, but I also care for her enough to communicate with her in some form each and everyday. With that distance, I wouldn't expect the two of you to see each other alot, but after 3.5 years, she just may be at the comfort zone, where she make take things for granted. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel.
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 This is just me, but I make it a habit to have some sort of communication with my GF everyday. We don't hang out everyday, we make sure to give each other space and do our own things, but I also care for her enough to communicate with her in some form each and everyday. With that distance, I wouldn't expect the two of you to see each other alot, but after 3.5 years, she just may be at the comfort zone, where she make take things for granted. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel. Do IMs count as real communication or are they not enough?
Pyro Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Do IMs count as real communication or are they not enough? I personally would prefer the phone, so I could hear her voice, plus I suck at typing. But yes, IM is a form of communication.
BrandonBP Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Do you try to call her every night? Maybe she's wondering the same thing about you and she's missing days here and there just to see if YOU will call.
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Well I read caliguy's guide to being a balanced guy. According to his guide a guy should call only once or twice a week. I tried it for awhile but now I admit it's getting harder for me to limit my contact to twice a week. But on average I call every 3 days. If I sign online before her I wait for her to initiate a IM with me and she does. If she signs online before me then I initiate an IM with her when I get on. What are the rules on who IMs who first?
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Do you try to call her every night? Maybe she's wondering the same thing about you and she's missing days here and there just to see if YOU will call. Unfortunately I do give in and call when she didn't call me for 2 nights a few weeks ago.
Pyro Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Well I read caliguy's guide to being a balanced guy. According to his guide a guy should call only once or twice a week. I tried it for awhile but now I admit it's getting harder for me to limit my contact to twice a week. But on average I call every 3 days. If I sign online before her I wait for her to initiate a IM with me and she does. If she signs online before me then I initiate an IM with her when I get on. What are the rules on who IMs who first? I'm sorry, but IMHO, only two times a week is too little. I see that as not showing that much interest in the other person. I understand that knowone wants the other to get sick and annoyed of them, but I think that two days only is not enough.
j.carsey Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 If a girl does not call you everyday does that mean she's not into me? Are you joking? You don't have to talk with your gf/bf daily. Depends on how both of you are I guess, but I have in the past talked as little as once every 2 days on average and at times she was out of town or something like that didn't talk for even longer. I'm a fan of recognizing that while dating, each person still has their own group of friends and can spend private time with them. If I trust my girlfriend, I don't have to be checking up on her all the time and checking to see if she still loves me
Poboy Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I've been dating my gf for nearly 3.5 years. Sometimes she'll go 2 nights without calling me even if she has not talked to me on IM. She usually calls or IMs me every night before I go to bed. If a girl does not call you everyday does that mean she's not into me? Also she usually does not follow up with a phone call on the same night that she talks to me through IMs. I just want to know what is the normal frequench of contact if a girl is into you. She lives 1 hour away from me by car and there's a 50 mile distance between us. I think it is perfectly normal if your girl does not call you every otherday. It depends on what has been the usual routine all these years for both of you.IMs is just another form of communication , so if she IM'd you , she might not call you the same day.Initially , when its all new , you would have seen more calls etc but as time goes by, it can reduce . If you are bothered by this , talk to her and tell her about it and try to find a solution
Pink Amulet Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I would like to hear what my partner got up to during the day. I would also like to tell him about my daily adventures. A phone call just to say goodnight doesn't do it for me. The exceptions being, sickness, or travel etc. This would be different if the relationship was fairly new however. I would say three times a week in that case. Three and a half years in, I would expect my boy to care how I was enough to call me.
Walk Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 This seems ironic to me. He was only calling her twice a week. He wants her to call him every day. She probably got fed up with you not contacting her except for those 2 days out of the week, and stopped putting in all the effort to keep communication going. If you want your girl to call you more often, then show her you're putting as much effort into contacting her as you would like her to show you. 50/50, not 20/80. I think that's a good rule of thumb in relationships. If you want your partner to put forth a certain level of effort, then you have to put that same level of effort into it too. But don't cry about her not contacting you for two days when your following some defunct rule that wasn't tailored to your specific relationship or the individuals involved. Stop being a sheep!!!!
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 This seems ironic to me. He was only calling her twice a week. He wants her to call him every day. She probably got fed up with you not contacting her except for those 2 days out of the week, and stopped putting in all the effort to keep communication going. If you want your girl to call you more often, then show her you're putting as much effort into contacting her as you would like her to show you. 50/50, not 20/80. I think that's a good rule of thumb in relationships. If you want your partner to put forth a certain level of effort, then you have to put that same level of effort into it too. But don't cry about her not contacting you for two days when your following some defunct rule that wasn't tailored to your specific relationship or the individuals involved. Stop being a sheep!!!! Before I read some of these guides on LS I did call her like once a day on average. Sometimes twice a day if I had a really good reason to call. Once in the morning and once late at night. I just want to know the secret of getting your girlfriend to call you more often. I already know one secret and that is I avoid her online. If I don't show up online then she usually calls me.
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 I think it is perfectly normal if your girl does not call you every otherday. It depends on what has been the usual routine all these years for both of you.IMs is just another form of communication , so if she IM'd you , she might not call you the same day.Initially , when its all new , you would have seen more calls etc but as time goes by, it can reduce . If you are bothered by this , talk to her and tell her about it and try to find a solution Her going 2 nights without calling me is not a new trend. It's just something that happens once every few weeks or so. Often her excuse is that she went to take a nap and ended up sleeping the rest of the night.
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 I'm sorry, but IMHO, only two times a week is too little. I see that as not showing that much interest in the other person. I understand that knowone wants the other to get sick and annoyed of them, but I think that two days only is not enough. I figured the whole point in caliguy's guide was to give your girlfriend a chance to miss you.
ashnicole Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 You've been with her for this long, and you're just NOW asking this question? You should be talking to HER about it. If you guys have been together for 3.5 years, and you can't talk to her about stuff like this, then I doubt the seriousness of the relationship in the first place.
2sunny Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Well I read caliguy's guide to being a balanced guy. Honey, If you remember correctly Caliguy didn't keep the girl that way! Call her when you think about her...hopefully for her, that would be at least once a day! You can just say "hey honey, I was just thinking about you..." Most gals would find that very sweet... Stop trying to set up so many guidelines for your relationship, it is obviously not working for you...
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 I don't see how talking to her about it would help. I mean I don't want her to feel obligated to call me. If I talk about it then she will feel I'm putting pressure on her and she'll end up calling me less & less. I just wanted to know how often a girl will call somebody if she's really into him. I've read some of the responses and I have gotten a better idea of her interest level in me. I'm not complaining about the frequency of her calls. It would do me no good to ask her if she's into me because she'll just tell me what I want to hear and I won't know if it's the truth or not. I figure it's better I ask strangers on a message board about this. I don't want to make the mistake of smothering her and not giving her time to miss me.
Author john1776 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Whenever I visit her I have no doubt in my mind that she's into me. I mean we enjoy each other's company and get along very well. She's affectionate with me. Sometimes she'll put her hand on my lap while I'm driving. She still initiates the words "I love you". This does not prove that she's a keeper but it only suggests it. I talked to her on the phone last night (she initiated the call) and she says she has a surprise for me when we get together later this week. I got on here and posted this thread shortly after I got off the phone with her. By the way who should end the conversation first? The girl or the guy? The doubts only come when I'm not in her presence and when I'm spending hours on the internet reading guides about relationships. Somebody should write the book "she's just not that into you".
Walk Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 In my situation, my bf calls me every night if we're not going to see each other that day. There were times during our relationship where we wouldn't see each other for 3-4 weeks due to his job. Occasionally we'll just text each other goodnight, but there is some method of contact every day. However, I specifically asked my bf to call me if I hadn't contacted him at some point during the day. For me, I like that every day contact. The reaffirmation of the closeness. Because it was important to me, I explained to him what I wanted and why I wanted it. It would be stupid of me to want him to call every day, then get mad at him because he doesn't know this. After I explained to him how I felt about it, I've never had a complaint with frequency of calls. Not in 2 and a half years. Why don't you decide how much contact and what type of contact would make you happy, and then communicate that to her. See if the two of you can come up with a good comprimise that will make the both of you happy. I guarantee it'll be far more successful then trying to shove someone elses idea of frequency of contact into your love life.
confused423 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 so its seems to me like theres alot of insecurity, something im very accoustomed to. what ive found is that you have to completly trust her, and vice versa. If you find that you cant do that and may never be able to do that, try to work it out with her (and that convo should NOT be on IM). It should be about having fun and thats it! if theres no fun then theres no point, i dont want to spend my time and money for a boring angry night, the problem seems to me that, when your around eachother you can read eachothers body language, so when she tells you she loves you or whatever you can see in her eyes that shes telling you the absoulte truth, on the phone there are no eyes and all you get are voice tones to read. i would suggest getting of the internet, it is one of the most impersonal tool for social interaction. i mean just look at this forum we all come here to share our thoughts and are able to tell eachother our problems some share more here than they would with there own real frieds or even loved ones. so no more internet, tell her youd like to talk more on the phone and tell her the honest truth, if the two of you arent entirely honest with eachother then you be the first one to start, if shes mature enough you will get the same in return. If not i guess theres always other fishies... P.S. when you get online and wait for her, that is a test. when she gets online and you wait for her to txt you first that is a game. You NEED to stop testing and playing games. it causes too much stress not to mention all the nothing fights it causes, i would know ive started enough in my time. Sounds like you both have some growing to do. but if i leave one thing in your mind its that you HAVE to talk and you have to talk honestly, if something bothers you TELL HER. dont hold it in and blow up at something stupid women appreciate an honest guy, and above all at least youll know where you stand. i see two ways for this to turn out. you both start talking openly, growing up together, and compromising when its needed. or the relationship ends and you will get weatherd by life like the rest of us with no shoulder to cry on, not saying thats a bad thing, for most its a good thing before you can be in a relationship you have to know where your heads at, often that can contradict the one your with and you find yourself giving up a part of you inorder to "not make waves" once you know where your heads at and she knows where her heads at then the two of you can go 2 days and not worry about it. a relationships security is like a leash the more you have the longer the leash the less you have the shorter. Of course this leash is tied to both of you. There is only so much one can to do when they are "tied down" so to speak but thats the whole point, you choose to be that way. i guess what im saying is alot... but things like this time will tell...
rkman Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I figured the whole point in caliguy's guide was to give your girlfriend a chance to miss you. And when you move in together and see each other every day. Do you not come home every couple of nights to "give her a chance to miss you"? Honestly, quit playing games. Do what feels good for the both of you and if you aren't sure then communicate that uncertainty. Playing games with someone only demonstrates your lack of respect for that person.
Pink Amulet Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 What is this Caliguy you speak of? I am intrigued...
Author john1776 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 What is this Caliguy you speak of? I am intrigued... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=80848 Here is caliguy's guide on being a balanced guy. If I recall correctly the majority of the feedback agreed with what he had to say. Even riddler said caliguy is right on the money.
Author john1776 Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 I asked my girlfriend the other night on the phone if she is happy with our relationship. She said yes. I asked her what I could do to make the relationship better. She said she didn't know. I asked her if she thinks I'm a good enough guy for her. She said yes. I've asked her from time to time in the past if she's happy and she has given the same answer. Now my question is should I just take her word for it if she says she's happy or is there some hidden meaning behind what she's saying?
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