L0vewh0Re69 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Hello all, I am so glad that I f0und this site.... this is s0mething I think I really need right n0w. But anyway...to my point. My boyfriend, William, and I have been serious/exclusive/in l0ve for a little over a year n0w. I've kn0wn him since 7th grade and we dated once bef0re at 15. Anyway, this time ar0und, we have gr0wn to have the m0st beautiful r0mantic relationship and spiritual, strong friendship. HOWEVER (lol), we went through a little bit of turmoil in the past months that I predominantely blame on myself and feel terrible for. In the past month everything has caught up to William and he is now feeling too hurt to be with me, like too much damage has been done. I understand him, mostly. Two days ago, we broke up.... as much as I would like to call this a "break", it is and it isn't. William still l0ves me deeply, and I l0ve him. We both cried tremendously during the break up and there is no doubt we have something special. After we talked he took me to the park where we first met, and carressed me. He told me that he planned on us getting back together... we just needed to take some time right now. I agree, and this made me feel a little better. Here are my concerns, and what I need help with. William is trying to transition us into friends right now, and obviously this is very difficult for me. I'm in love with this man. It is sometimes very difficult to look at him/talk to him and hold back things I never had to hold back before. I can't grab him and smother him with kisses. I can't tell him I love him every min of the day. I have barriers now, and it's hard! Last night I found it within myself to make the best out of this situation, taking this as an opportunity for growth and rebuilding, both individual and in our relationship. I don't want my emotions to cloud rational thought, because trust me I've done more crying this month than I'd care to admit!! =] Anyway.... it's like no matter how "okay" I feel with the situation (in some respects I truly do) I can't stop bringing it up to him! I can't stop talking about how I wish things were, and he hates it! I fear I may push him away.... I truly do, and its scary. So.... I need guidance and help on how to give the man I love what he wants/needs right now. He needs me to be his best friend right now, and I need help on doing this before I push him further away and possibly lose him. I never thought I would feel this way..... I've always been the overly strong "independent woman", lol. But anyway... there are more people who have been and/or are in my same position than I thought, and I would like to hear from everyone!! Please help me do the right thing and make the best out of this I can for both of us. Thank you!! x0x0 Delana P.s. This may sound funny... but I can't finish without mentioning it. William and I had a very active/wonderful sex life, and that is something I wasn't going to let go of, whether we are together or not. I talked to him about this, and he seems to be fine with it (no surprise lol) I've never continued sex with an "ex".... I'm not exactly worried about it, I just don't want to set myself up or make an unwise decision. Thanks so much guys!! x0x0
Poboy Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Well, since the both of you are on a break , give him some space. You both obviouslly love each other a lot and some stuff happened which made things rough. That normal in many relationships, there are good times & bad times. So give him space to continue on but do not let him go away from your life. Be his best friend , be there when he needs you, talk to him and tell him from time to time , how you care for him etc etc but dont be forceful and thrust words down his thorat. Just make sure he is a part of your life and vice versa but keeping a safe distance apart . Also you will not have to get involved in a new relationship otherwise he might go away so you need to be careful of this if you want William to be yours As for the last part you mentioned , its actually good for you that he has agreed to continue the sex part . That way you will stay connected to him emotionally and physically and thats the best thing for you. Good luck & dont let him get away
Winfield Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I have barriers now, and it's hard! Yes! It is difficult to demote a relationship to a friendship! For the very same reasons you wrote in your original post, that's why I don't think it is a good idea to keep an ex as a friend. I'm going through a similar situation myself...it does hurt! And I know that if my ex and I arrange to meet up again as friends, all of my original feelings for her would come flooding right back (as well as the slightest hope that we'd get back together again - after all, as a couple, we did have feelings for each other at one time). My advice? Give him some space in the meantime - if he's got issues to work through just now (with or without you), he needs a bit of time to work through them and see things clearly for himself. Oh, and in your current situation, having sex together isn't a very good idea! Convenient? Well, maybe...but it just adds to the complications (and hurt) further down the line. If you're going to have a break, do it properly - no communication (or at most, very little communication, if a reconciliation's on the cards), no sex, no nothing... That will be the test as to whether your bond is strong enough, and that the one you broke up with really is the one for you. Good luck!
Author L0vewh0Re69 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 Thank you very much for your replies! I agree and understand both viewpoints. But let's recap..... Having little to no contact between us was not in our decision. William considers me his best friend, and he told me if I "couldn't do this", if I couldn't handle it and wanted to lose contact with him, he would hate it. He told me he'd understand but he really doesn't like the idea of it. There is no reason for us to lose contact. As far as little contact/communication, that isn't exactly what we/he wanted either, but on the lines of giving each other space, I agree. Did I mention we work together? Lol. We spend all our breaks together.... we are still close because we are best friends, but the "romantic" aspect is slowly making its way out..... =-[ LOL. I know that if I can show him that I can do this and respect his wishes, he will acknowledge my efforts and feel I respect him. Beyond respect, I know he is taking this time to rebuild trust for me (no I never cheated...not "that kind" of trust lol) So I know that no matter how emotionally hungry I am, I have to focus on the bigger picture and know, 1)this is temporary, and 2)I will be rewarded at the end. Thank you again for the replies, and please don't let that be the end of it! I will take 1,000 replies more! Lol your help is so appreciated!! x0x0 Delana (AIM: parisuka69) P.s. LOL... about the sex... I totally understand you both. You both feel the way I do. We both want to continue some physical intimacy (I have NEEDS lmao and I don't want to get them from someone else!) but at the same time I don't want to end up becoming more emotional than I already am & feeling regretful. I guess I won't know until I "try" LOL. *Anyone with AIM go ahead and hit me up there
Author L0vewh0Re69 Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 Hey everyone!! Please leave m0re replies of y0ur advice, opinions, and help!! =] It would be greatly appreciated!! I NEED IT!! =] THANKS!
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