Inshanghai Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 [sIZE=2]Hello everyone, I've been with my girlfriend for two and a half years, and I'm wondering if I should break up with her. We live together in Shanghai. I'm British, she's chinese. I work at an English school. Soon, my contract will be finished. Our plan at the moment is for me to stay here for another year and then to go back with her to the UK so she can study there for a year. I'm not sure what to do at all. I can't decide whether I should try to break up with her or not. Here's one side: I think I should break up with her because I'm not sure if I love her as much as she loves me, and I don't know if we have a future together. When we're apart, she misses me much more than I miss her. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe there is a better girlfriend for me. Also, she wants to get married in the future. I'm not sure what I may think in the future, but right now the thought of getting married terrifies me. She wants me to stay with her in Shanghai for another year, and I'm not sure if I want to do that at all - the last year here hasn't been all that happy. And she wants to go back to the UK with me after that for her to study. I'm not sure if I want to go along with that either - stay in the UK for one year waiting for her to do her degree. And after that, what then? I worry about the future. If I don't break up with her, then will I marry her? I really don't want to do that! Also, there are other things I'd rather be doing. I'd like to travel more, to visit other countries, to try new things. As it is, while I'm with her I can't do that. Rereading this, I think it makes me sound petty and selfish, but the bottom line for me is that maybe I just don't want to stay with her - so would it be a good thing for me to, for me or her? On the other hand, I think I should stay with her because: She loves me very, very much and it would hurt her terribly if I were to leave. I've tried to break up with her several times before, and it's ended in screaming, sobbing hysterics. I've never been able to go through with it before and, to be hinest, I'm not sure if it's possible for me to break up with her. She is my first girlfriend. I'm not honestly sure if I love her, but I care for her very much. A lot of the time we're happy together, and we would be all the time, I imagine, if only I didn't worry about the future. If I do stay with her in Shanghai and then Britain, well, there would certainly be a good side to those two places. Lots of good opportunities. I worry about her if I leave her. Without me, I think she'd have a very empty life. I worry about what she could do. Seeing some of the stories of people getting broken up with, I hate to think of putting her through that. I don't know how I'd manage without her either. She's my first girlfriend, and before I met her I wasn't very sociable. I don't have many friends and since I've been away from the UK for almost three years none really to go back to. Also, there are so many things she knows how to handle that I don't, she's much better than me at business and practical things. I honestly don't know what to do. When I think of staying with her and going along with our plan and it seems like a good thing to do. Sometimes I think we'd be happy together, it would be a good relationship. And sometimes when I thnk of it, I think it would be a waste of time, and a waste of life, and that I'd feel trapped. When I think of breaking up, sometimes I think that it's the best, the only thing to possible do. Sometimes I think that it would be a huge relief and a fresh start. And then sometimes I think that it would be impossible, and a huge, massive mistake if I did do it. And sometimes think that even if I do decide to do it, I won't be able to, she won't let me. Sometimes I think I can't live with her, sometimes I can't live without her. If anybody could give me some advice or opinions, I'd be very grateful, Thanks. [/sIZE]
richardcruz Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 You would manage just fine without her. Anyways you are a traveling man and I'm sure you can find yourself another girlfriend But really, I think if you are having any second thoughts about any of it, you really should do the decent thing and break it off now. Sure it will hurt her but I'm sure it will hurt her that much more if you were to go to the UK with her and you decide to terminate you relationship when she is already hearing wedding bells in her head. The deeper you go into a relationship, the more feelings are vested. The longer you wait to cut it off, the more it will hurt. Trust me i know:(
lonepearl Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 [sIZE=2]Hello everyone, I've been with my girlfriend for two and a half years, and I'm wondering if I should break up with her. We live together in Shanghai. I'm British, she's chinese. I work at an English school. Soon, my contract will be finished. Our plan at the moment is for me to stay here for another year and then to go back with her to the UK so she can study there for a year. I'm not sure what to do at all. I can't decide whether I should try to break up with her or not. Here's one side: I think I should break up with her because I'm not sure if I love her as much as she loves me, and I don't know if we have a future together. When we're apart, she misses me much more than I miss her. Sometimes I think to myself that maybe there is a better girlfriend for me. Also, she wants to get married in the future. I'm not sure what I may think in the future, but right now the thought of getting married terrifies me. She wants me to stay with her in Shanghai for another year, and I'm not sure if I want to do that at all - the last year here hasn't been all that happy. And she wants to go back to the UK with me after that for her to study. I'm not sure if I want to go along with that either - stay in the UK for one year waiting for her to do her degree. And after that, what then? I worry about the future. If I don't break up with her, then will I marry her? I really don't want to do that! Also, there are other things I'd rather be doing. I'd like to travel more, to visit other countries, to try new things. As it is, while I'm with her I can't do that. Rereading this, I think it makes me sound petty and selfish, but the bottom line for me is that maybe I just don't want to stay with her - so would it be a good thing for me to, for me or her? On the other hand, I think I should stay with her because: She loves me very, very much and it would hurt her terribly if I were to leave. I've tried to break up with her several times before, and it's ended in screaming, sobbing hysterics. I've never been able to go through with it before and, to be hinest, I'm not sure if it's possible for me to break up with her. She is my first girlfriend. I'm not honestly sure if I love her, but I care for her very much. A lot of the time we're happy together, and we would be all the time, I imagine, if only I didn't worry about the future. If I do stay with her in Shanghai and then Britain, well, there would certainly be a good side to those two places. Lots of good opportunities. I worry about her if I leave her. Without me, I think she'd have a very empty life. I worry about what she could do. Seeing some of the stories of people getting broken up with, I hate to think of putting her through that. I don't know how I'd manage without her either. She's my first girlfriend, and before I met her I wasn't very sociable. I don't have many friends and since I've been away from the UK for almost three years none really to go back to. Also, there are so many things she knows how to handle that I don't, she's much better than me at business and practical things. I honestly don't know what to do. When I think of staying with her and going along with our plan and it seems like a good thing to do. Sometimes I think we'd be happy together, it would be a good relationship. And sometimes when I thnk of it, I think it would be a waste of time, and a waste of life, and that I'd feel trapped. When I think of breaking up, sometimes I think that it's the best, the only thing to possible do. Sometimes I think that it would be a huge relief and a fresh start. And then sometimes I think that it would be impossible, and a huge, massive mistake if I did do it. And sometimes think that even if I do decide to do it, I won't be able to, she won't let me. Sometimes I think I can't live with her, sometimes I can't live without her. If anybody could give me some advice or opinions, I'd be very grateful, Thanks. [/sIZE] i think a bit differently ta MrCruz i think you sound a LOT like my partner within the first 2 yrs we were together... from what you have to say...it sounds like i am hearing him all over again - yes ... we did one thing you need to do.. despite the tears and sob stories.. talk to her .. all that you have typed here...i am serious! she will cry.. and if you ar elike my partner in more aspects, you will cry! my partner even did finally leave.. ..and was back in a month.. because he had time to think and realised it was just fear of the relationship (as it is our first too), and that he realised all those thoughts that you have described below are called LOVE...when you are not in love, all those worries and options and what if this and what if that does not happen. you just think "ah times up. i anna go" and leave. but to be thinking all you are, you will realise later you are in love with her.. even though you want to be individual and single again and surely can have better and cooler.. but the fact is sir, you are stuck.... ... and as a male it is hard .. esp when its the first.. to accept that .. you are....STUCK dont leave her. dont stay with her. TALK TO HER.. ALL.. EVERYTHING THAT BOTHERS YOU... calmly. tell her all the things YOU LIKE about her. YOU LOVE about her . YOU HATE about her. YOU HATE about being with her. YOU LOVE about being with her.... and it will become clearer.... dont worry too much about everything....talk and it will unfold. then come back and post some more! and we can see wherre it is all at....
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