Kate Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 for the first time in my life, i am dating an all-around wonderful guy. he is respectful, trustworthy, genuine, morally sound, loving, affectionate, etc. we both are chasing creative careers. the ONLY thing that seems to be missing, for the first time in my life, is the intellectual connection. i am fully accepting that he has extreme anxiety. so what. everyone has challenges in life. sometimes he can't get on the subway or even go outside. he told me it feels like he is all alone on an island sometimes and it's so lonely. he has never seemed depressed to me, however. we have been dating for a few months and have spent a LOOOTTT of time together. however, all we can do is stare at eachother in lust. at first, it was fine...but little by little, i realized i really couldn't have a deep conversation with him. for me, this is a problem because i have no problem expressing myself through writing, speaking, etc. i love philosophy, debates, analyzing all kinds of things. the human mind turns me on a LOT. so i'm scared... i have feelings for this guy, when i see him i melt. but when we talk "seriously" about my life or his, it is very simple and very short. he doesn't have a lot to say beyond stating the obvious. he is fine with expressing how he feels about me -- texts every day saying he misses me, wants to hold me, etc. we communicate very well how we love being together. but what about beyond all of the lusty puppy love? will there be intellect when that wears off? every other guy i have dated there has been some good intellect within the first few encounters! i don't think he is shallow, he holds strong to his opinions even though they don't seem very deep to me. so, 1) is he just a different person? 2) how will i ever feel fulfilled if this is all it is? 3) how can i find out if he is "intellectually inclined"? 4) are we just in the wonderful beginning phase of our relationship? AND.......... 5) (THE REASON i WROTE THIS) are people with anxiety extremely fearful about being open? about analyzing things? about seeing the world? are they more closed off? if so, how come it is so easy for him to tell me he wants to be with me? he can express himself SO well physically -- he looks deep in my eyes and we have an AMAZING physical connection ... sexual and just holding eachtoher. i'm scared to bring up my concern with his lack of openness because i already did it once and he seemed even MORE anxious. please, any help that relates to anxiety and possible reasons he is this way besides it just being his personality.... thanks
paige367 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Kate, I suggest you talk to him about going to a doctor. My friend had a lot of the symptoms you speak of and had great difficulty bonding with people including friends. She was able to go on medication and now has a wonderful almost symptom free life.
whichwayisup Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 He needs to go see a therapist who specializes in dealing with anxiety disorders. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Google it! What you can do is get information for him. Print it out, go with him to the DR and get a referral for a therapist, or search for CBT therapists in colleges/hospitals/Universities. Private practices...I am not sure how it works in the States. (I'm in Canada.) I suffer from anxiety as well so I know exactly what he's going through. I will post more on this thread tomorrow and get into abit more detail about some of my anxieties, my therapy etc...Just abit late tonight to get into alot of stuff right now. Don't give up on him! Anxiety can be controlled. It may not go away forever, but learning about it, fighting it and taking control back is so important. Not letting fears take over.
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