livingwithit Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I just found out that my boyfriend of 9 mos is still married and living with his wife. I never thought I would be the other woman. I feel like such a fool. I thought I was doing the right thing when he told me his son was having such a hard time with the divorce. Come to find out there was no divorce. Now I feel like I have done something wrong. I thought I was working on a future. How can there be a future when he's still having a future with his wife?
RealityCheck Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I just found out that my boyfriend of 9 mos is still married and living with his wife. I never thought I would be the other woman. I feel like such a fool. I thought I was doing the right thing when he told me his son was having such a hard time with the divorce. Come to find out there was no divorce. Now I feel like I have done something wrong. I thought I was working on a future. How can there be a future when he's still having a future with his wife? Whoe!!! That's gotta hurt!! These are the situations that can send someone to the pit of dispair! How horrible! There has been alot of time invested where your emotions are concerned and I mean this in a sense where your heart was wide open!. My situtation was not like this at all, so I am not in a position to comment on how you should deal witht this. Perhaps other OW's who have had a similiar situtaton can provide you with more help. I really feel for you.
lovernotafighter Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 This is one of those instances where I totally think the OW should and it is totally expectable to tell his wife and also I would file a police report or something on him, sue him, I don’t know. All I do know is this kinda thing just is wrong on every level, I’m sorry to hear about your pain honey, I really hope it gets better for you.
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 There is no future between you and him. You know you have to end it NOW. He's married and has a son. What a selfish man he is...To lead you on like that and for him to lie to his wife and child. To be honest, he doesn't deserve EITHER of you! Don't stay the OW in his life, no matter how much you love him. He isn't worth it. You may not see that now, but in time you will. Staying will only cause you more pain and confusion in your life.
eyeswideshut Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Oh girl, I feel for you. I am not in the exact same situation, but I was with him since August, and he was "separated but still living with her". It was a great blow when things were going so well, and finally he got scared when his wife finally agreed to divorce, and told me in March he was going to work on his marriage. I don't know what to say, because right after this i'm going to be posting my own thread on "what to do now?" because i still don't know what it is I want. let us know how you are doing and keep posting. it's the worst pain imaginable, and the only thing I can advise is NC, but for me NC is NOT working so well... what happened since he told you? did you get angry at him? are you still in contact? what does he tell you?
norajane Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Why didn't you know? Because he's an a**h*** and LIED, LIED, LIED up and down and around and sideways, that's why. You are wayyy better off without a jerk like him. So is his wife, so if you can get up enough nerve or anger to do it, tell her. She probably has no idea that her husband is cheating on her...he is LYING to his wife as well. Be strong, sweets. Come here to vent and seek comfort; there are a lot of good people here who have gone through crap with BIG LIARS. But whatever you do, stay away from this guy.
Outcast Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Now see, this is where my love would vanish in a puff of smoke. Because the man you think he is doesn't exist - you thought you could trust him and he's a lying cheating snake. I'd turn on my heel and not give him a single thought ever again. I hope that's what you do.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Don't beat yourself up over not knowing...you loved and trusted the man that you were hoping to build a future with...furthermore, HE is the one who did something wrong, not the other way around...now that you do know, you can decide what to do with that knowledge...
dontbfooled Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 This guy sounds like the slimiest of all slimeballs. At least most of the other cheating MM don't try to hide the fact that they are married. What a jerk. Leave him - and be with someone who is a REAL MAN, not a slithering snake. What an a**h***.
Author livingwithit Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 [COLOR=black]When I wrote last, I was very hurt. Now I'm angry. I told him there is no way we can be together even though I tried very hard to find one. He doesn't want to hear that. Last night when I got home, he was waiting he wants to move out this weekend and file for divorce right away. He wants to make me his wife now. I asked him who told him that was an option. I don't want to be in her seat....ever! [/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black]I know the person I was in love with is an illusion and I'm sad that it has come to this. Part of me wishes I never knew, but I'm glad I know. [/COLOR] [COLOR=black] [/COLOR] [COLOR=black]I wish he would vanish. No more phone calls never see him and definitely never think of him again. [/COLOR]
Walking away Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 My xMM also didn't tell me he was married and living with his family until I was deeply in love with him. From that moment on, I was in absolute hell...wanting to leave but loving him. I left the relationship after many false starts of NC. I feel better than I have in months. Yes, I hurt terribly when I walked away, but I HAD NO CHOICE. It was my life that was getting twisted into a pretzel. These MM took away our choices in this relationship. We were not given the truth about their marital status and that is completely unfair. You DO know about his status now, so you are now an informed partner in this mess. I wish you luck, but I struggled from the moment I found out I was the OW. It was a hell like I had never known before. A hell that I got out of. I understand EXACTLY where you are. RUN. Heartache and pain will be with you if you stay. It is inevitable. Hugs WA
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