njrocket24 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I was in a relationship with this girl for a little over a year. All through this time she's had a best guy friend. Since day 1 I had this suspicion that he secretly liked her, and i asked her about it and she said it was like a brother thing. So after that and some reassurance i'm fine with it. She'd periodically reassure me of this idea up to the very day i found out. Things are moving along and I'm being very good at not being jealous and all that, she'd always ask if it would bother me, and it really didn't cause it made her happy. And on his side, he's being a jerk to her because he's jealous of me. It was really upsetting her, so I helped her make up their friendship. So anyway this guy was holding their friendship hostage because of me. Fast foward to christmas, we take a break but get back together really quick, and things were fantastic for about three weeks. I go out to visit her, and lo and behold, he's being a jerk again, sending her home crying and stuff. So one night we go to this kids house to party and she had the intention of telling him to stay out of our relationship and wanted to make it clear what the roles were and have a long talk about it. So we're drunk, it's 3 am, she's upstairs talking to him. So they talked for a while, I go out to warm up the car and left a note on her purse telling her where i was. I fall asleep in the car and wake up at 7am. I go into the house and find the worse thing ever. They slept in the same bed, and she was wearing a different shirt. So she breaks down and is all upset and crying, i'm pissed off but not at her really, more at the guy. So she gets me all these presents and writes letters about how sorry she is and how much she loves me. I'm prepared to move past this and all is forgiven, and get on with our relationship. So then a couple weeks later on my birthday, she dumps me saying she wants to take a break again. I didn't know at the time, but it was for him...the best friend. So this was in january, it is now june, and i'm still as mad and hurt about this as the day that it happened. we don't talk anymore,by my choice and she was really upset about that, that she cried over it. She transferred to his school and i didn't even say bye when she left. So i'm really still sad and upset that she's not here, but i've moved on, I've seen other girls, and dated and everything. I still can't shake this anger and hurt though. I clearly still love her, but i'm not naive enough to think she'll be back. It's more like she's dead and gone and this new girl took her place. I still cant get over this and i'm still really hurt and angry and sad all the time. Does anyone have a strategy/method/encouraging story/idea to get rid of the pain and anger?
Buttaflyy Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 First I want to commend you for actually keeping out of this relationship. I am now in your ex girlfriends shoes in the sense that my best friend is male. I would in no way jeopordize (sp?) my relationship with my SO. It's almost the same thing....we are friends he knew about it before him. We all hang out, he's secure with the fact that I am with him and that I wouldn't step out of our relationship. He feels this way now, because of alot of work on my part not to disrespect our relationship and to keep things in perspective. He wasn't always comfortable with it though. Betrayal like this is inexcusable! My BF has experienced this in the past with his ex before me. She left him for a guy whom she claimed to be her bestfriend. This of course took him for a loop when he met me and my bestfriend was a guy. Don't lose hope in all women. She was a bad apple. Sorry this happend to you. Sorry if I'm rambling your thread also helped me to realize some things from a different point of view.
j.carsey Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Betrayal is awful, it hurts. In your situation I would not even want to be with her again, even if she showed interest. She is dishonest, and let her emotions about the other guy trump everything you had together. That is not a girl who was dedicated to you, sorry to say. She should be crying about it, it would be shocking if she wasn't. As they say "it takes two". Both your girlfriend, and the guy, are both responsible for doing something very wrong. Alcohol is no excuse, everytime two people are drunk they don't sleep together.
Author njrocket24 Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 *ironic addendum- I started seeing this other girl that i used to have an on/off thing with. She's driven so she'll never ever commit to anything until she's the President. But the funny thing is she likes me but she has a best guy friend. The non-sexual live together type friend. I hate that type of guy more than anything now, i also had it happen in HS too, on my prom night.
j.carsey Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 You've got to be careful about these really good guy friends. Seriously... I know because I'm a good guy friend to many girls. One of these really good female friends I had, we definitely could tell it could easily become more than just friends. She had a boyfriend (who she complained about) and I kept a respectful distance -- never kissed her even when hanging out alone. I waited for her to dump him, and then even waited a bit more before getting together with her. But still even though it's done honestly really I stole her from her other boyfriend, just was very patient.
j.carsey Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 i also had it happen in HS too, on my prom night. Oh, we could make a thread about prom night horrors. My date snuck away from me and then I found out she was giving blowjobs in the bathroom to just about anyone. I only found out because I really had to take a piss but my friend warned me I probably shouldn't go in there. Oh man, I washed my mouth out for like 10 minutes great now all my HS friends know my secret internet identity haha
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