rastafari Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 i WAS all about pushing NC as hard as can be and then i just blew it yesterday. im soo pissed. Me and the ex tried to get back together 6 months ago (about a year after we origionally broke up) and it wasnt working (she took me for granted) and i told her it wouldnt work. so i would see her on the street and just walk by her, we wouldnt even say anythiing to eachother. she tried to call me around my birthday, and her graduation. i didnt pick up. a month later (last week) she called again...i picked up and hung up so she would get the point that it was over and i didnt want to talk. she didnt get the point and called back minutes later and left this pathetic messge and was crying...she said "i know i shouldnt be calling you, but...i really want to talk to you, please pick up" she sounded like a mess. i laughed about this for a week and was saying that there was no way in hell that i would ever call her. then i just had this need to call, i dont know, i just lost it and did...i feel like i just waisted 6 months. we talked for a half hour and she was crying and went on and on about how it was so hard to get over me and she thinks about me every day.... and how she missed me and how she couldnt belive that she was talking to me. she said she was shocked i called back. im shocked i called back. she oppoligized for calling, i told her i didnt really want to talk to her becasue i needed to put her behind me. she said she understood. she said she was real confused, i told her i knew she was. anyways she moved away for a few weeks and she said she wanted me to visit her, i said i didnt have the money. but really i dont want to put any effort into her. i have done plenty for that girl and am done with that. but we did agree on seeing eachother this summer, she said she would come visit me sometime, and we would play it by ear. Am i blowin this big time? i wonder if she is just testing me to see if she can still get me back. i do feel like the balls in my court though, she said "please dont change your mind" about hangin out, which shows that the decisions are up to me. which they are. and when she took me for granted i just left too. i feel like the biggest moron for calling her. im thinking about just starting over with nc again. im a dumb ass kid, wtf am i doing? suggestions?
silentcharon Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 i WAS all about pushing NC as hard as can be and then i just blew it yesterday. im soo pissed. Me and the ex tried to get back together 6 months ago (about a year after we origionally broke up) and it wasnt working (she took me for granted) and i told her it wouldnt work. so i would see her on the street and just walk by her, we wouldnt even say anythiing to eachother. she tried to call me around my birthday, and her graduation. i didnt pick up. a month later (last week) she called again...i picked up and hung up so she would get the point that it was over and i didnt want to talk. she didnt get the point and called back minutes later and left this pathetic messge and was crying...she said "i know i shouldnt be calling you, but...i really want to talk to you, please pick up" she sounded like a mess. i laughed about this for a week and was saying that there was no way in hell that i would ever call her. then i just had this need to call, i dont know, i just lost it and did...i feel like i just waisted 6 months. we talked for a half hour and she was crying and went on and on about how it was so hard to get over me and she thinks about me every day.... and how she missed me and how she couldnt belive that she was talking to me. she said she was shocked i called back. im shocked i called back. she oppoligized for calling, i told her i didnt really want to talk to her becasue i needed to put her behind me. she said she understood. she said she was real confused, i told her i knew she was. anyways she moved away for a few weeks and she said she wanted me to visit her, i said i didnt have the money. but really i dont want to put any effort into her. i have done plenty for that girl and am done with that. but we did agree on seeing eachother this summer, she said she would come visit me sometime, and we would play it by ear. Am i blowin this big time? i wonder if she is just testing me to see if she can still get me back. i do feel like the balls in my court though, she said "please dont change your mind" about hangin out, which shows that the decisions are up to me. which they are. and when she took me for granted i just left too. i feel like the biggest moron for calling her. im thinking about just starting over with nc again. im a dumb ass kid, wtf am i doing? suggestions? Honestly, if you don't want her in your life at all, right now or whatever, act the part. Tell her that- be straightforward with her. You could apologize for kinda leading her on (I think you are.) and start nc again. Why have her in your life when you don't want her to be?
sirjay Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 You sound like you still have feelings for her and you're trying to deny them because it didn't work out. Funny games, emotions play on you. If you REALLY didn't care, you wouldnt have spoken to her and you wouldn't be here. Do you think its possible that this time apart has really showed her she needs to change?
Author rastafari Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 thanks guys...i think this time apart has been a wake up call for her for sure. she probably thought the grass was greener on the other side, and its not. she is 21, and when we broke up we both were haveing a tough time and school amongst other things. she said maby there is better people for us, and she needed to explore herself. she went through a lot of changes. i think she relized what she had lost with the whole 6 months of hardcore NC. you see it was 5 months nc, then we tried to get back together for a few months, then 6 months nc. then she contacts me, she was the one that initated contact both times and i fell for it.....its a vicious cycle. its like right wen i dont think about her that much anymore she comes crawling back. she has some kind of sense or somthing. she was a total b1tch when we broke up, i had this new roomate that moved in a month before we broke up. she started to get with him and i know they started having sex. this was months after we broke up. but she started hanging out with him before we split. i know she didnt cheet on me for sure, but she was disrespecting the relationship. but i dont want to get into that though... it was so screwed up and it put me in so much pain. i almost commited suicide. I know it was just rebound sex...this a**h*** roomate told her that I started to get with this other girl, which i was. i think he said that to take advandage of her and get in her pants. so she was aware that I was mesin around with this someone else as well. but it wasnt her roomate, and i wasnt screwin her. she thought i was though. so we were both in alot of pain. this is the one thing though that makes me feel like im a nut for pickin up her calls....she treated me with complete disrespect. so i dont know if i really want someone in my life that is soo selfish. we both care about eachother though. its obvious, i think about her every day, and she thinks about me every day. if she didnt care about me she wouldnt be calling me in tears. somehow after all this garbage i had to deal with during the breakup i still have feelings for her. geeze. i have been with a bunch of women too, it just doesnt seem like i really click that hard with any of them. ill soon figure this out. for now i will let her contact me.
Pantero Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 You're not an a**h*** for breaking NC. To be honest, the history between you two is so full, I really don't want to analyze and break stuff down. Bottom line is this: If you want NOTHING to do with her, make it happen so you can move on and she can move on. She's an emotional wreck and you may be leading her on. You're both still young so it's not the end of the world that things didn't work out. DO NOT ever drive yourself to suicide over someone. Don't do that kind of stuff...just don't. It really pisses me off and lose respect for someone when they do that. You're giving the other person control they don't deserve, so just cool out with that stuff. If you feel sorry for her, get out of there because you're doing both yourself and her a great disservice. Basing relations off of pity is a pathway to hating each other later (she'll still be a mess and you'll get sick of it and abuse her mentally which further aggravates the problems she had in the first place). As for her rebound sexing your roommate, that right there, my friend, is a good reason to end it. Revenge f***ing somebody is so goddamn trashy. I wouldn't do it, but I've had an ex do that to me, and I've also been the victim of a rebound relationship. To this day, I don't talk to either of them and this was a good 4-5 years back. If you find you have some lingering feelings for her, then the two of you need to get a third party counselor involved to help you both sort s*** out. But that's provided you REALLY REALLY want to be with each other. Like I said, you're both young and have nothing tying either of you down. Me personally - go hang with her once, tell her what's up, leave, and re-initiate NC not as a tactic for revenge, but as a necessary way for both of you to move on with your lives. Take this all as a lesson and another dent in your armor. Good luck.
dr strangelove Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Crap happens I wish my ex came begging to me, like yours did. It kills me how many have their ex come back or meet them in person and seem to be expecting something more A sign from god? I remember one time I had a bad break up with my ex and she came back after 6 weeks. I was pretty happy, I always took her calls even at 4 am. Being with someone means that you get the whole package. You might try making a list of her good and bad points. Sometimes with people its based on feelings, and sex..not much more. In my case I find myself seeking out someone just like my ex. I'd to reconclie with her for alot of reasons not just the obvious. For example - I miss having someone to talk to that is interesting and interested. - I miss having adventures with her and having someone with common interests. - The companionship You have to figure out your list.. Im so envious..
Author rastafari Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 DO NOT ever drive yourself to suicide over someone. Don't do that kind of stuff...just don't. It really pisses me off and lose respect for someone when they do that. You're giving the other person control they don't deserve, so just cool out with that stuff. that was soo long ago and i would never think of doing that again. i just said it to show how hurt i was. i was really sick at the time as well. i had lime desease and was all kinds of screwed up. i was so sick i was hallicunating. that wasnt helping out much at the time. As for her rebound sexing your roommate, that right there, my friend, is a good reason to end it. Revenge f***ing somebody is so goddamn trashy. I wouldn't do it, but I've had an ex do that to me, and I've also been the victim of a rebound relationship. To this day, I don't talk to either of them and this was a good 4-5 years back. im not sure it was revenge f***ing. she was the one that dumped me...well i guess it would be revenge if she did it because she heard i was messin around with another chick. so maby it was. this is the one and only thing that makes me feel like a f***ing lunatic for even talking to her. its just hard to hold a grudge on someone. sometimes its too much work... i had a long talk to her about it. she said it took her so long to get over it and it was grose and a huge mistake. she started crying about this too, saying that it went against everything she stood for (she didnt belive in friend f***ing, we even talked about this long before we broke up) i know they smashed it up more then once though, which makes me wonder if she is just bulls***ing me. If you find you have some lingering feelings for her, then the two of you need to get a third party counselor involved to help you both sort s*** out. But that's provided you REALLY REALLY want to be with each other. Like I said, you're both young and have nothing tying either of you down. good suggestion, but i dont care that much and im too busy now. so she called again yesterday, the day after i broke the NC... i think she is super stoked on me again. i didnt pick up. i guess if she really tries hard enough i might give her a chance. i jumped through plenty of hoops for that chick and im over it, she can chase me down if she wants....i got other ladies now that are keepin me busy, its just not the same though. thanks for your imput everyone...ill just play it cool and continue on with my life. i guess i didnt blow it that hard...i can end it whenever i want.
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