crazy_grl Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 A friend of mine says that if you're not 100% sure about whether you should be with a person, then it's not right. But my thought is that if that's the case, a lot of people will never end up with anybody (myself included), simply because there will always be some kind of fear there no matter how well you know a person. What do you guys think about that? Should you wait until you're 100% sure about a person and have no fear or should you ever risk it and take that leap? Also, how do you personally tell when a fear is justified and you should not be with a person or when you're simply being insecure/paranoid/whatever because of past experiences?
Buttaflyy Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I think if we're talking about marraige you should be 100%. Anything other than that, I don't think you are ever 100% sure. Thats what dating is. Getting to know someone. You can't be 100% sure about anyone until you KNOW them.
ashnicole Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I don't think anyone is ever 100% sure of anything, until it's time for them to get married. Or, until that person is definitely right for you. My mom used to tell me... "Once you meet the right person, you'll know." She's right. I've been in relationships where I thought I knew that this person was right for me, so I stayed with them, but that little doubt was always in the back of my mind. My boyfriend that I'm with now - I have NO doubts whatsoever, no fears... I'm just... comfortable, and I have been since day one. I know he's the one that I'm supposed to be with. So, once you meet "that" person, you'll just know... there will be no doubts, and you'll be 100% sure. I think a lot of times when people get married, they trick themselves into thinking that "this" is the person for them, just because they want it so bad. I think that's why so many people are getting divorced these days. Either that, or they just don't know the person well enough. Just my opinion.
Author crazy_grl Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 hehe... funny you guys should both think bring up marriage. I was just talking about the transitions from friends to dating or from dating to serious relationship. Marriage won't even enter into my thought processes for at *least* 6 more years. But it's an interesting discussion point. Thanks for the responses. I think a lot of times when people get married, they trick themselves into thinking that "this" is the person for them, just because they want it so bad. I think that's why so many people are getting divorced these days. Either that, or they just don't know the person well enough. I think you're onto something here. It seems that for a lot of people, it's more about getting married than the marriage itself and who they're married to.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I think everyone experiences a little apprehension when entering into a relationship, and I think that is very healthy. If everyone just flew in head over heels without thinking of the whole picture and keeping a small part of you reserved, then it would be disaster!! So no, I don't think if you don't feel 100% sure about a relationship in general it means it isn't right. I think if you don't feel 100% sure you want to take a chance with the person then it isn't right. Does that make sense? Relationships can fail even with the right person because things happen sometimes, but if you aren't sure you want to take that risk with that particular person, then you should prolly stay away. JMHO.
ashnicole Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I think you're onto something here. It seems that for a lot of people, it's more about getting married than the marriage itself and who they're married to. I've seen it happen too often. A friend of mine knew her boyfriend for THREE WEEKS before they got engaged. Moved in together after knowing eachother for five days, then got married two months after being engaged. They were divorced less than 2 months later. It happens too often, but I let her learn her lesson. I warned her, and questioned her about whether she knew him well enough to be doing all of that, and she said she had no doubts. Well sure, you have no doubts, but that still doesn't change the fact that you DON'T KNOW HIM. I felt bad for her... until she did the same thing, a second time. Granted, she was a LITTLE more careful. Met a guy at a bar, took him home, he moved into her place THAT NIGHT basically. They lived together for about 6 weeks, got engaged, married four months later. They're going through the process of divorce right now, and they were just married at the end of January, of this year. I think some people just don't ever learn. She's already seeing someone new. I guess she just wants a "perfect marriage" THAT bad. She needs to get to know these people first... then maybe she wouldn't waste so much time. Her parents have already told her they aren't paying for her third wedding. Hell, she's only 23.
BrandonBP Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 My boyfriend that I'm with now - I have NO doubts whatsoever, no fears... I'm just... comfortable, and I have been since day one. I know he's the one that I'm supposed to be with. Hmmmm, let's see... where did I hear this before? Oh yeah, from my ex.
ashnicole Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Hmmmm, let's see... where did I hear this before? Oh yeah, from my ex. Well, thank God I'm not your ex, or I might just give two s***s.
j.carsey Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 A friend of mine says that if you're not 100% sure about whether you should be with a person, then it's not right. Wow I disagree with that. Maybe if you've already been together for years and it doesn't feel right -- I would say that's a problem. But for dating and building a relationship it can't possibly come with 100% attraction from the start. I think a lot of women expect too much and aren't open minded / flexible. If you're impatient about finding a relationship you will never find one, because something that strong takes time to develop. I was talking with a girl friend last night. She was saying she is waiting for the perfect guy to come along, for a serious relationship. She gave a common example, a guy she just meets who might have 50% interest in her, while she only has 10% at the time. She WANTS the guy to stick around a while to see if something develops. So I found that interesting, even though she only has 10% interest she knows she should still give it a shot. It turns out to not go the way she wants, because a guy who senses only 10% interest gives up on her and misses the opportunity for more to happen.
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I don't think that rule holds water.. If we waited to 100% sure of anything life would pass us by.. I will say that I have had relationships that I wasn't sure about and they failed.. But I have also had relationships and a marriage that I thoght was forever.. they failed too.. there is no hard and fast rule.. You follow your heart.. that is what we do .. we follow our heart no matter what the relationship is all about.. It lives or dies for other reasons than gut feelings
Outcast Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 But I have also had relationships and a marriage that I thoght was forever.. they failed too.. Exactly. Plenty of people have been 100% sure - like ashnicole's friend - twice - and still been wrong. But on the other hand, for sure don't marry if you're fighting doubts. Also, how do you personally tell when a fear is justified and you should not be with a person or when you're simply being insecure/paranoid/whatever because of past experiences? This is an excellent question and good on you for asking it. You have to test your impressions against reality. If you are afraid he'll stay out all night but he always calls in and is home on time, then you can trust him. If he's open about what he's doing and with whom, then that bodes well. Just run your fears against what you see every day and see if there's any proof for them. If not, then you know it's about your past.
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