Ever dated a Cancerian, Are you a Cancerian? Describe the experience

June 19, 2006

I'm posting this thread to try and find out about the Cancerian mind and way of life. I'm a Cancerian and have sometimes felt a little out of step with the rest of world due to how my psyche percieved and reacted to situations. Being a Cancerian has made hard work of some of my relationships. I would like to get a broader picture and better understanding of how the Cancerian faces being in the world. I presume gender may affect this thread, I am male but hope to hear the female experience as well. So, if you are a Cancerian or you have been with a Cancerian, please submit your experience.

June 19, 2006

I'm a cancerian and have never felt like that. I actually find that ppl warm to me and like me fairly easily..

June 19, 2006

My best friend (female) is a cancerian and my mother is one also. I find that they are overly sensitive and sentimental, but also self-sacrificing and caring.

Cancerians also seem to be big on little things. Like remembering birthdays and making cards or doing little things to show that they're thinking of you. Most of them don't expect the same kind of treatment in return, they just want some kind of acknowlegement? Like my best friend would be bothered if I didn't mention that I got a card from her and that I liked it. And my mom used to love it when I'd get honor roll and bring her to the ceremony things.

Oh and I'm a leo if that has any effect on what you want to know.

June 19, 2006

my BF is a cancer, and I find him extremely secretive, petty and shallow at times. He is also a natural liar. He can be pretty underhanded, snakey and sneaky. Manipulation is his strongest personality trait.

Before I met him, I had good views about cancers, I too thought that they were emotional and sensitive. But my BF can be cruel, and often times seems to lack emotions. This does not come from having crappy influences in his life, his family is very loving.

On the other hand, he is very friendly, warm and helpful to others. Within his family and friends he is popular. I just have yet to recieve this side of his personality.

June 19, 2006

I assume you are talking about our signs? birth month and all that? well I am, so is my husband, june 29th and june 30th. I am warm I think, but then again sometimes I am a bitch, not necessarily unwarranted though, my theme song "bitch" by meredith brooks. my husband I think he can be overly sensitive but at the same time he is MR. SARCASTIC! I dont think I am normally a "sensitive" person. I also think my chinese sign plays a large part of who I am "snake" loyal, but piss me off and your done? something like that. I am a family girl to the Nth degree. I love being home and would say most of the time I am a home body, as is hubby, although we both enjoy being out too. I dont know I dont think our "cancerianism" has ever been detrimental to us. HOWEVER my mother is also cancerian and we aren't talking currently, she is ultra sensitive amoungst other things. that may be alot of us being too much like each other rather then us being cancers.

June 19, 2006

My ex BF is a cancer. He seems to have very good traits and very bad.

On the good side, he's very caring, always worrying about other people and putting them before himself. He likes to help others and prefers not to get anything in return. He's a really good person at heart and he is very morally/ethically conscious. He bikes everywhere (hates cars) because he doesn't want to contibute to pollution. He can be very forgiving. His good traits generally apply to mainly his friends. He is extremely intelligent. He is consumed by music and is very creative. He's a lot of fun to spend time with and he's very spontaneous. He also has a great sense of humor (always makes me laugh) and can be very charismatic.

On the bad side, he lives in an idealistic world and because of this he is constantly being let down. He is very mysterious and moody. When he is in a bad mood, he usually takes off on his own somewhere. He's a bit of a loner most of the time. He also idealizes how he will react in certain situations and then is incapable (due to his extremely sensitive and emotional side) of actually realizing his expected reactions. He is extremely negative, finding people (those he doesn't know) to be ignorant and polluting. He enjoys cursing at people in their cars who almost run him over on his bike (he's been hit at least three times by cars) and generally pissing people off enough that he's actually had guys get out of their vehicles and run after him.

Overall, he's a very caring person and is really good to those he cares about. Inside, he's a really great person but he doesn't show much of his soft interiour to those who don't know him well. He's very complex and hard to understand. That could be because I'm a pisces and I can't understand why he isn't able to communicate his feelings. In one word: Confusing!

June 19, 2006

OK, I'll try an open up a bit more discussion. I've visited a few sites which struck some chords with me and would be interested in others views.

"the complex sensitivity that lies beneath the Cancerian's thick, crustaceous shell"

Did/do you witness a complex sensitivity?

"When we become too emotional the natural reaction is to release the 'excess of water' through the shedding of tears"

Do you/they cry in times of stress, the men too?

"Water 'types' are not quickly stirred to heated debate or dynamic, self-assertive action. Their tendency is to wait, reflect and absorb."

"governed by the Moon, responds to the cyclic and rhythmic rise and fall of life's ebb and flow. A sign known for its moodiness, Cancerians can be up one day, down the next, in a pattern that bears little relation to the experience of external events around them. Their personal emotions are never entirely unaffected by the joys and pains of the world"

"But such an acute sensitivity to their physical and unconscious environment is a double-edged sword, and awareness of complex psychological factors that underlie apparently simple acts make it difficult for Cancerians to apply their will; and foster their own self-interests unfettered by feelings of guilt and torn sympathies. This hesitancy and vulnerability to emotional impacts on themselves and others has given the sign a reputation for weakness, and a lack of ability to apply direct action to direct problems"

Houlding Deborah, Cancer The Crab, Personality Traits; skyscript 2006;

(19/06/2006)

June 19, 2006

Returning, thanks so much for starting this thread. My bf is a Cancer as was my best friend from high school.

I have noticed a mood cycle with him and it is around 28 days. It seems like he will just withdraw and disappear and it used to drive me nuts and make me so angry. Now I am used to it.

I have noticed that they can be very sweet and caring but also quite self-absorbed.

With them being so highly sensitive, how do you talk to them about serious issues. Say they had a terrible habit that was very offensive and it was something that would be easy to solved; how would you tell them about it without hurting their feelings? I worry them being so sensitive that that wouldn't be able to handle it.

June 19, 2006

wow, i've found this all quite interesting....always been interested in astrology and things like that.

I'm a cancerian myself,

But to be honest...when i read things like this it does sound like me very much...

"the complex sensitivity that lies beneath the Cancerian's thick, crustaceous shell"

Did/do you witness a complex sensitivity?

"When we become too emotional the natural reaction is to release the 'excess of water' through the shedding of tears"

Do you/they cry in times of stress, the men too?

"Water 'types' are not quickly stirred to heated debate or dynamic, self-assertive action. Their tendency is to wait, reflect and absorb."

"governed by the Moon, responds to the cyclic and rhythmic rise and fall of life's ebb and flow. A sign known for its moodiness, Cancerians can be up one day, down the next, in a pattern that bears little relation to the experience of external events around them. Their personal emotions are never entirely unaffected by the joys and pains of the world"

"But such an acute sensitivity to their physical and unconscious environment is a double-edged sword, and awareness of complex psychological factors that underlie apparently simple acts make it difficult for Cancerians to apply their will; and foster their own self-interests unfettered by feelings of guilt and torn sympathies. This hesitancy and vulnerability to emotional impacts on themselves and others has given the sign a reputation for weakness, and a lack of ability to apply direct action to direct problems

But it's not because i'm a cancerian....it's because i had a few very traumatic experiences that really screwed me up beyond belief and if they'd never had happened i'd be fine...like i was before...i was giddy...just giddy me all the time...and i'm pretty much back now me thinks....after about 7 yrs...it's so nice to be giddy again hewwo world!!! lol

June 19, 2006

my BF is a cancer, and I find him extremely secretive, petty and shallow at times. He is also a natural liar. He can be pretty underhanded, snakey and sneaky. Manipulation is his strongest personality trait.

Before I met him, I had good views about cancers, I too thought that they were emotional and sensitive. But my BF can be cruel, and often times seems to lack emotions. This does not come from having crappy influences in his life, his family is very loving.

On the other hand, he is very friendly, warm and helpful to others. Within his family and friends he is popular. I just have yet to recieve this side of his personality.

Sounds just like my ex apart from it was like there were 2 different versions of him kinda like dr jekyl n mr hyde...he's an Aries though...so u see..tizn't necessarily the star sign...all people have their goods and bads....this is where i start loosing belief in astrology....till i read my daily horoscope and its spot on...lol

June 19, 2006

I'm a cancerian and have never felt like that. I actually find that ppl warm to me and like me fairly easily..

I find that too actually, all the time...

'wow i feel like i can really talk to you and be myself around you ive never felt like this around anyone before i'm so glad we can talk like this i feel i can really trust you like we're really close' - and i'm sat there feeling all awkward and caged in...i can't just be me and tell them my history because it's not a normal past and people have got up and walked out of my life forever because of my past..... soooooo...i dont trust easily anymore...i learnt my lesson! lol

But it is nice when you see someones face when they're happy they can communicate to you with ease.

June 20, 2006

Thanks for all the replys, it's appreciated.

Phyrespryte: Most of them don't expect the same kind of treatment in return, they just want some kind of acknowlegement?

Are you sure about this, or is that they just get used to not getting the same in return so don't expect it, but it would make their day.

Luvmy2ns: I hear where your coming from allright, is there a definate patern to Cancerian behaviour that goes beyond astrology and into psychology?

SarahRose: for a start I would pick a week when he is in a good phase of his cycle, does his down point come the week after your period? Mine did with my past GF, she'd be all happy and horny and I'd be like...not this again, leave me alone, then the next week I'd be up and she'd be not this again, leave me alone, she was Pisces. Any way pick out a nice card to send snail mail and open up with something positive how much you like/love him or whatever then introduce a topic you would like to discuss with him, I was hoping we could discuss this as I have become aware of it, I'll leave the ball in your court and you can open up and talk when it is convenient in the next week. Dont pick a day when he is having a good day to talk as you may p*ss on his bonfire and he'll withdraw. But state it clearly to him in a nice card and hope for the best, that way he gets to read it without you there and can react to it however it suits him at the time. Hopefully he will appreciate the effort you went to to tactfully introduce a delicate topic to him.

NightsInWhiteSatin: nice to meet you, I don't have a consuming belief in astrology but there is definitley something in the behavioural aspects of myself and people I know that is very close to the astrological generalisms and profiles, quite what it is, I am trying to get a clearer picture of. As for yourself would you not allow a certain amount of chicken and egg analogy? What came first the bad experience that influenced your character or your character that led you into the bad experience? This is a sphere of my life that I'm trying to get a handle on. I am not diminishing your experience as I dont know it and wouldn't want you to go back there in thought, if your moving onward and getting giddy again thats brilliant. But are you giddy or are you Cancerian?

June 20, 2006

What came first the bad experience that influenced your character or your character that led you into the bad experience? This is a sphere of my life that I'm trying to get a handle on. I am not diminishing your experience as I dont know it and wouldn't want you to go back there in thought, if your moving onward and getting giddy again thats brilliant. But are you giddy or are you Cancerian?

As far as i can remember, the bad experience came first...before then you would have probably classed me as an eccentric aquarian. When i say bad experience i'm not talking about something like a break up, bullying or being cheated on im talking about something that went on for over 5 years that just eventually destroyed every bit of who i was...left me so afraid of everything my hands would shake if i was approached and spoken to by a stranger or someone i didn't know well...it's only really this past year i've started making loads of progress...now i'm boucing around in the mornings ready to enjoy the day....well not every morning...i had a late night last night lol

As for the sensitivity...yes im a very sensitive person...always have been since birth probably...but i'm also realistic and don't get overly sensitive about things there's no need to...which im probably realistic like that because of the things i've been through...i hit the bottom and went right through it...so when people get stupidly over sensitive about things there's really no need to...i kinda want to say - wake up its really not that bad compared to what it could be!...frustrates me lol

Hope i've been of help....i feel like a Lab experiment in a way hehe!

June 20, 2006

What came first the bad experience that influenced your character or your character that led you into the bad experience? This is a sphere of my life that I'm trying to get a handle on. I am not diminishing your experience as I dont know it and wouldn't want you to go back there in thought, if your moving onward and getting giddy again thats brilliant. But are you giddy or are you Cancerian?

As far as i can remember, the bad experience came first...before then you would have probably classed me as an eccentric aquarian. When i say bad experience i'm not talking about something like a break up, bullying or being cheated on im talking about something that went on for over 5 years that just eventually destroyed every bit of who i was...left me so afraid of everything my hands would shake if i was approached and spoken to by a stranger or someone i didn't know well...it's only really this past year i've started making loads of progress...now i'm boucing around in the mornings ready to enjoy the day....well not every morning...i had a late night last night lol

As for the sensitivity...yes im a very sensitive person...always have been since birth probably...but i'm also realistic and don't get overly sensitive about things there's no need to...which im probably realistic like that because of the things i've been through...i hit the bottom and went right through it...so when people get stupidly over sensitive about things there's really no need to...i kinda want to say - wake up its really not that bad compared to what it could be!...frustrates me lol

Hope i've been of help....i feel like a Lab experiment in a way hehe!

June 20, 2006

NightsInWhiteSatin: You're not a lab experiment thats for sure, thanks for your replys, there is certainly a crossover point between Cancerian traits and personality traits.

luvmy2ns: very true, but when it comes to "the moment" does the phase of the moon have any influence? sounds a bit far out but could we be that susceptible? People talk about womens cycle being influenced by the moon, also the alleged Cancerian 28 day cycle, there does seem to be some correlation.

I got off on this reading LifeInLimbos thread 'He Needs Space' in 'Breaking up'. I wondered if the guy had a malignant narcissistic personality disorder or was he a Cancerian. But the symptoms would fit both, turns out he was Cancerian.

Then when the thread started taking on board his Cancerianism rkman posted this:

"Stop poking fun of me!

Let me give you a little trick as to how to deal with people such as 'us people'. Warm up our engines if you want us to talk or express ourselves. Mostly, we can't figure out to say cause there is just too much too say! We need someone to trigger the engine to get over that first little barrier, after that we never stop talking. Our brains have about 1000 simultaneous thoughts running at once, its difficult to grab one and stick to it wihtout thinking abut how to say it first. His duty to assist this is to get you on track into talking something which interests him. You take for granted your ease of communication, we admire this, but become frustrated that our perspective isn't understood.

If you are really and truly interested in knowing what he is thinking, the easiest method is to ask him to put it on paper, he'll write you a book in about an hour most likely."

This struck such a chord with me. I have what feels like a 1000 thoughts going on simultaniously, sampling everything in my current environment, the people around, and world current affairs, and my domestic current affairs etc all going on at the same time. Maintaining a focus can be a chore sometimes so I don't bother, just go with the flow. It causes me tremendous problems in job interviews, if they could ask precise, specific questions I could give a good account of myself, however they tend to ask very open questions. Because I want to make a good impression my logic process goes into overdrive and I'm so busy looking for the mice I miss all the elephants. Generally I tie myself in knots mentaly and make a very bad impression on the interviewers and don't get the job. Its daft because when I leave the room and the pressure is off I know all the right answers. I'm degree educated so my brain tends to go on a vast trip to get to the answer when often its a very simple thing, just the way it's asked throws me.

So how do I cure this, do I look within myself and to try and see why I make such a pratt of myself or do I look to the Cancerian aspect of my make up and establish if that is influencing things more than I had allowed for? Ah life....such a bowl of cherries.

June 20, 2006

Phyrespryte: Most of them don't expect the same kind of treatment in return, they just want some kind of acknowlegement?

Are you sure about this, or is that they just get used to not getting the same in return so don't expect it, but it would make their day.

That could be it. My sign's not Cancer so I don't know what exactly is going on in their head.

June 20, 2006

I've been in love three times and all the 3 guys are Aquarius (relationship of 6 years and two husbands). But they are all very different from each other.

June 20, 2006

so, everyone seems to have somewhat positive things to say about Cancers, so why is my BF the way he is?

June 20, 2006

Mystified: Being a Cancerian is one thing, being an a**hole is another. he may have had a loving family on the face of it but between 0 and 5 he may have suffered some kind of injury to the self giving him some 'seperation' issues (seperation between his ego and his authentic/true self). If this is the case they will be heightened by his Cancerianism. This could lead him to devalue that which he values most (you), in order to protect himself from getting hurt. If the guy has issues and doesn't treat you right, hit the high road and leave him to it. Does he get scared by intimacy, one on one situations with you and him? Does he prefare to go out in a group rather than just with you? I hope you get some peace some peace in this situation hon. There is no place for lies in a relationship, if he's a liar why do you want to be with him? What does he need to lie to you for?

June 23, 2006

Returning, yes you've been a great help. I will try to pick the right time and write to him about it.

I get mixed results with writing. Sometimes he is repsonsive and sometimes he just ignores what I said.

What is it with the one minute needy and the next distant deal?

A somewhat recent situation. He works on short term contract at different places. For some reason he was having a lot of anxiety about a 4 day work contract. He became very needy during the days before and during the contract. He wanted me to call him and wake him up. Then he called or texted me at every break and lunch, when he got home, and right before he went to bed. When I talked to him on the phone, I could hardly get him to hang up. He was telling me how he missed my home cooked meals and so on.

Now this contract is over and he is distant again. I have been ill the past couple of days and I told him and he was like, you are sick? I texted him a few times yesterday and he took his good old time replying and then the last two, he didn't reply to at all.

This gets old.

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