KittenMoon Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I'm always sad now. I'd give anything to be with him, to cook him dinner, and just curl up on the couch under his comforter, watch a movie, and cuddle. If we were still together, we'd be making plans to pick strawberries and make our first batch of summer jam right now. But I feel guilty when I look around me and see all the people alone. I have single friends who probably haven't had much more than a hug in YEARS. I see people, old and young, who live alone, and whose major socialization is going to their jobs. People w/o many friends or family, or who live far away from them. People who get by alone. So it makes me feel lousy and guilty for feeling like I can't do this. I've still got things better than a lot of people, and here I am complaining constantly and being miserable over one person. I hate it, but there it is, and it doesn't seem like it's changing too quickly. Anyone else feel like this?
Smung Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 You know this is an interesting subject and I’m hoping we can get some discussion going. I thought at first I would never feel guilty. My emotions were anger and sadness for the loss. But know I am starting to feel guilty. Why? Well, I have the beds I bought for my ex’s kid and I know she has not been able to get them beds yet It’s kinda funny how even if you get S**T on you can still feel that emotion as well.
Author KittenMoon Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 You know this is an interesting subject and I’m hoping we can get some discussion going. I thought at first I would never feel guilty. My emotions were anger and sadness for the loss. But know I am starting to feel guilty. Why? Well, I have the beds I bought for my ex’s kid and I know she has not been able to get them beds yet ? It’s kinda funny how even if you get S**T on you can still feel that emotion as well. But, for me, it's not guilt about my ex, or my relationship. (that's a whole other topic) It's like guilt because I want what I had back, regardless of the fact that what I had was far more than a lot of people I see everyday. I keep telling myself I should be happy with what I have, but in reality what I desire is him returned to me, happily ever after, etc.
silentcharon Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 But, for me, it's not guilt about my ex, or my relationship. (that's a whole other topic) It's like guilt because I want what I had back, regardless of the fact that what I had was far more than a lot of people I see everyday. I keep telling myself I should be happy with what I have, but in reality what I desire is him returned to me, happily ever after, etc. I'm really sorry that you are going through this, but ... I hate to say this, the more you mope, the harder it'll be for you to let go. I mean, I know everyone's here for you, but there is so much we can say to you. I wish I could take your pain away, but you can only do that- I still miss my ex and everything, but the difference for me now is that I don't wonder about whether we'd ever get back together. It makes it a little easier for me, I suppose. Hang in there
Author KittenMoon Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 I'm really sorry that you are going through this, but ... I hate to say this, the more you mope, the harder it'll be for you to let go. I mean, I know everyone's here for you, but there is so much we can say to you. I wish I could take your pain away, but you can only do that- I still miss my ex and everything, but the difference for me now is that I don't wonder about whether we'd ever get back together. It makes it a little easier for me, I suppose. Hang in there Ok- not to be mean- but y'all are still missing my point. I'm not talking about what I feel about my ex, I'm talking about the guilt I feel for having so much, then wanting more, but seeing those people with so much less all around me. Like why am I so lonely and hung up on one thing, when I have many friends and good family and a good job, etc etc. Why should I be complaining when I see little old ladies with no friends and no family working at grocery stores to supplement their social security? I just wanted to know if anyone else felt this sort of guilt.
silentcharon Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Ok- not to be mean- but y'all are still missing my point. I'm not talking about what I feel about my ex, I'm talking about the guilt I feel for having so much, then wanting more, but seeing those people with so much less all around me. Like why am I so lonely and hung up on one thing, when I have many friends and good family and a good job, etc etc. Why should I be complaining when I see little old ladies with no friends and no family working at grocery stores to supplement their social security? I just wanted to know if anyone else felt this sort of guilt. Sorry I misunderstood your post. Sure I do, but then that's life. I can't possibly know why everyone's lives are like that. That old lady- maybe she chose to be alone, or everyone's deceased so she doesn't have anyone, or whatnot, there are many possiblities. I feel bad there are millions of poor kids without families or homes in africa. I feel bad there are millions of people suffering from heartbreak everyday, that poverty exists alongside with lonliness. I feel bad that even though I'm struggling, I have a house to call my own and I have enough money to go to school, plus I have a support system, I feel bad that I'm lucky compared to some people. But this was the world I was born in, and unfortunately, those unlucky circumstances will continue even after I pass away. To get rid of the guilt, you could volunteer- sure, it wouldn't wipe everything that's wrong with the world out, but you could make it a better world. So brighten up someone's day with a hearty hello, strike up a short conversation with that little old lady. Donate your bottles/cans. Send a get well card to a person you know who is sick. There are a lot of things you can do. Just remember there will always be people better or worse off than you are, and as long you are happy where you are, it's okay to feel bad. You just have a good heart.
Author KittenMoon Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 It's just such a weird feeling. There's all this suffering going on right now while all I'm crying over a guy I miss seeing/touching, a guy who's not dead, a guy who still cares for me (even if not in the way I want), a guy I should just have been happy to be with as long as I was. Like, I want to feel happy that I'm in a far better life than many, probably even most. I just CAN'T seem to make myself realize this. All I can focus on is this relatively minor loss. Ok, so I know the only suffering we can ever really feel is our own, but it still makes me feel like a lousy person sometimes.
fabulousgal Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 KM, I don't know if I'd agree and call your loss "minor". I had these same guilty feelings a few weeks after my breakup. I even had people say, "well look at such and such, their mom died of cancer, at least your not going through that." You know what, that made me feel so angry that someone would say that. My loss is my loss, and to minimize it or try to make me feel foolish for grieving it is not cool. Yes I have a great family, good friends, a job and plenty to be thankful for. And I know that, and appreciate every day that I have those things in my life. But I can't mask the grief that I have had over this, the torment that I have faced in wondering how much betrayal was present in my relationship. When you lose someone you emotionally trust and physically trust, its very hard. Don't beat yourself up bc you wish you were on the couch w him, or whatever. You can not feel guilty bc your feelings are fair, and still make positive strides in helping others. That's what I think at least.
magichands Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 It's just such a weird feeling. There's all this suffering going on right now while all I'm crying over a guy I miss seeing/touching, a guy who's not dead, a guy who still cares for me (even if not in the way I want), a guy I should just have been happy to be with as long as I was. Like, I want to feel happy that I'm in a far better life than many, probably even most. I just CAN'T seem to make myself realize this. All I can focus on is this relatively minor loss. It's almost like you are writing in the third person. "Why can't I get over this?!" Maybe you believe that (the rest of your) life will never be as wonderful as it "could have been" with him? That is how I feel, but then she is far too good for me - and much better off with someone else. So if I really love her I should be happy about that (a test of true love?). Ok, so I know the only suffering we can ever really feel is our own, but it still makes me feel like a lousy person sometimes. My dad always says that there is no point worrying about something you have no control over. Or, put another way, rather than be thinking about it, maybe be doing something about it. Anything. It all counts. Hmmm... thinking and reflection - I'm sure they can help, but just don't overdo it. Would everyone in the world who is "better off" be willing to sacrifice their standard of living to put an end to poverty? (Obviously a hypothetical question.) Love conquers all? :bunny::bunny:
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