Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Maybe this should be in another thread area but here goes...How do you feel about the following: Saturday night my bf went to a bar with some friends. His friend met a girl there and that girl was there with a bunch of her friends. So, the girls buy all the guys shots and they get pretty hammered. Then my bf's friend invites the girls back to his place to play drinking games and hang out. My bf went back and stayed out pretty late with all of them. We have been together 14 months now, I love him, he loves me and I was invited to go out but didnt want to. I am not a party girl or a drinker. I am working on my jealousy and insecurity issues currently so I have been reading a lot of these posts and really trying to figure things out. I dont want to push my bf away. I am really worried about that. But what do you think about that scenerio? Guys, what do you think and girls, would you be ok with you s.o. doing this?
Guest Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 If he didn't come home at a resonable hour, Id be upset. I like to party sometimes but if my boyfriend did it every weekend (instead of wanting to do activities with me) I would question whether we wanted the same things. It could signal a difference in maturity levels or perhaps a lack of seriousness about the relationship. If he likes to party now and then, I wouldnt worry about it, especially if he calls to check up. Now, if he wants to "stay the night", you could offer to pick him up and see what he says. He shouldn't have a problem with this if there is nothing going on.
norajane Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Well, it sounds like there was a lot of drinking going on...and when there's drinking and men and women, usually there's a lot of flirting going on too. It sounds like it was probably harmless since you and your boyfriend are in love. As long as you trust him and you've established what the boundaries are in our relationship as far as flirting goes, it's probably not a big deal. What may turn into a big deal is the fact that he does like to go out and you don't. There may be a lot more nights like this in the future, and you may start to resent his activities; conversely, he may start to resent your not ever joining him. I had a LTR with a guy who didn't like going out, even though I loved going dancing and hanging out with friends. He would never come with us, to the point that people starting wondering whether I really had a boyfriend. As did I... I also see your description of yourself as not a 'drinker' as a potential problem. In my experience, people who call other people 'drinkers' if they drink alcohol at all tend to have a negative, put-down view of people who drink...if that's your view of drinkers, then you may start to see your boyfriend in a negative light just because he likes to drink and you don't.
SoleMate Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 What may turn into a big deal is the fact that he does like to go out and you don't. I think this is already a big deal. When you two are not together during your recreational times, one or both of you risk falling in love with the people you do spend your leisure moments with. To maintain and build a r/s, you must spend fun time together! And he must have more fun with you than with any other girl - both quantity and quality. If that is not happening, your r/s cannot remain happy and exclusive indefinitely.
pippen_2k Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 You have nothing to worry about in my opinion, especially if he invited you along. You know what went on so he obviously told you?
j.carsey Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 I would be suspicious of anybody (guy - girl) who likes to hang out at bars * if * they exclude their bf/gf from the activity. In my experience, most people go to a bar or club either to pick up someone or get attention
Pink Amulet Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Or dance and have fun with friends? Damn, bars and clubs have a bad rep If it were my boyfriend I would say "why did you chose to go back with them rather than come back to me?" no answer would be good enough, and I would make him convince me nothing went on. If I still didn't trust him, I would call the friend, find out the name of the girls and contact them for some details. However this is quite extreme- I am just one of those suspicious people, who needs ALL the facts.
j.carsey Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Or dance and have fun with friends? Damn, bars and clubs have a bad rep Sure people dance, but if the bars around you are anything like they are around me ... most of the dancing is teasing / flirty and most of it very sexual. This isn't folk dancing. The guys I know who are bar regulars say the reason they go is to pick up women, drunk women are easy, and there are lots of slutty girls at bars. The girls I know who go to bars often say yes they like the dancing, drinking and letting go, getting attention from guys, and sometimes hooking up in the spur of the moment. To the original poster... you didn't talk about how regularly this kind of thing happens. I would suggest that if his lifestyle is going to the bars and partying like that, and you're not around, this is very dangerous. That's the kind of lifestyle appropriate for a single guy, but not someone who is attached. In the situation you describe, where a group of girls are invited back with some guys, that's because someone wants to hook up and things will happen. Not necessarily with him, but when a group of drunk and easy bar girls are hanging out alone with guys, well c'mon
alphamale Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 I am not a party girl or a drinker. then you're hanging out with the wrong dude...
ashnicole Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 My boyfriend has no business hanging out at his place with girls that he doesn't know that he met at a bar... especially, because we live together. If they were friends of his, it'd be a different story... but picking up girls at a bar and bringing them back to his place? No, I'd have a few problems with that.
Tinman Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 My boyfriend has no business hanging out at his place with girls that he doesn't know that he met at a bar... especially, because we live together. If they were friends of his, it'd be a different story... but picking up girls at a bar and bringing them back to his place? No, I'd have a few problems with that. Nitpick, it sounded like the bf's friend was doing the 'picking-up.' His friend met a girl there and that girl was there with a bunch of her friends. ... Then my bf's friend invites the girls back to his place to play drinking games and hang out. My bf went back and stayed out pretty late with all of them. Sounds to me like the bf was trying to be a wingman and help his buddy hook up with the girl he met. For those not familiar with the concept I'll see if I can explain. She was out with friends drinking and if they're good friends, this usually means that they'll stay as a group. By going along the bf provides a social buffer to allow the friend and the girl he met to have a little more direct interaction. On the other hand, if the bf had the bf not gone along it would have been the friend alone with the girl he met and "a bunch of her friends" which can make things socially awkward and probably would have led to none of them heading back to his place. Basically, by going with he keeps the 'party atmosphere' going which provides an environment for the friend and the girl to interact while at the same time keeping the pressure off since it is neither a "just them" scenario nor a "him, her, and all her friends watching on" one. Think of it like a double-date but the other "date" can be several people and they don't have to be dating. On the whole, I wouldn't necessarily read anything sinister into it but if you two are living together then he should have called to let you know he'd be out later then expected.
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