UnknowingOW Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Hi All, I've been attempting NC for 2-weeks and am failing. Last week was terrible. This is the only place I can be comepletely honest with myself, so I need to spill the beans. Last week we talked online daily, and things became sexual a few times. I didn't back off. I'm so mad at myself for falling into this mess now knowing. I will not meet him to become physical again...but this is just as bad with the online stuff as far as I am concerned. I spent this weekend reading the threads on LS regarding relationships, infidelity, divorce and separation, and my own. I keep re-reading and writting in my journal regarding this whole damn mess. I keep trying to justify actions which are not. I am on the roller coaster and HATE IT. The one thing I am clear with this situtation is I need to get out of this mess. His problems are not mine. I told him last week it would be easier on him if I were out of is life completely. He keep saying NO, it would be harder on me. No I would be a mess if you left. No I value our friendship, your advice, and I love knowing you love me and take comfort in that (cake eatter). Then I said, I believe I confuse your focus. Again, he said No, you give me focus. Some focus...I am...NOT Anyway, he's back in his home town this week. I couldn't help but think he's finally talking to his W. I prayed last night he would be honest and tell her everything about himself. I prayed she would be able to forgive him and they could move on with healing their relationship. I prayed that I could get out. You see, I keep waiting for the email from him stating he's going back...I am mentally prepared for that. Yes, it will hurt, but this whole damn thing has hurt. And why is it that I cannot close this door with him? Is it the years spent as friends? Is it the intimacy? It's all the above.
newbby Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 my first thought was cakeman. however, i am not sure of your story. have they already seperated?
Author UnknowingOW Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 my first thought was cakeman. however, i am not sure of your story. have they already seperated? Yes Newbby, since the 1st of the year. And, this isn't the first time either. When I met him he had been separtated for 2-years. See my past threads as to why I am here on LS.
newbby Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 i'm sorry to say this, but, having read your first thread and this one, he sounds like my ex mm, and alot of others. i am not sure quite what it is and why they do it, but it seems to come from anger and deep sense of inferiority alot of the time, especially sexually. they seem able to manipulate like this for years on end, yes. there is no point in questioning why, but just in accepting that this IS how it is, and its not going to change. my ex mm and i would talk til the early hours some nights, he told me he needed me, that talking to me was helping him with his marriage, that he needed my friendship. (this was during a non sex stage of the relationship). he panicked if i did not speak to him. that stage ended. next stage was much more physical, and strangely when i talked about how close we had become during all of that time, (and theres no doubt of it, we did) he appeared to have no recollection of it. whether they do have feelings at all or not is unclear, they are certainly confused. one thing seems to be very clear in many of these relationships though, and the predominant thing for mm seems to be getting an ego boost and especially a sexual one. its not good. it took me a good few years to be able to work through my feelings. sometimes things make me angry, like the fact that he ignores me now as though i am scum, but i am also able to see him clearly and that he isnt very nice. i dont think the situation is as you really hope it to be, and i dont just mean about whether or not he ends up with you, i mean about who he is.
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