donpepot Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I was recently asked why I am so "cocky" about myself. Well, I am not cocky, but at times I have been known to be arrogant, and I have alot of confidence in myself. I sat down and though about different phases in my life, and it's actually pretty simple. All the affirmations, dreaming, reading in the world will not build self confidence. It will put you on the right track most def, but in a real life situtation, when a HB8-9 is starring at you, wondering what the F do you have to offer that every other guy in the room doesn't? Anyway, let me go to the point. Most guys can fake confidence with the best of them, but most guys live in shells. Their liveliyhood depends on what others think about them, etc. The reason msot guys don't have self confidence is because they don't have anything to be confident about. Let me put it this way. Say you are in a basketball game. You are a really good free throw shooter, and your team is down by 1. You get the ball with 5 seconds left, and you get fouled. Now, are you confident that you can make the shot? Alot depends on your personality type, however, odds are that you are going to feel that you can make these shots, wtihout too much pressure if you have had success shooting free throws in the past. If you aren't a good free throw shooter, what makes you think you are going to get to the line and knock down both, or even one of these free throws in this pressure situtation? With life and/or women, it's a little more general but the exact same concept. You can't be living at home with mom, no real ambitions in life, haven't ever accomplished anythnig, out of shape, etc, and expect to have true "self confidence". You gain self confidence by doing things, accomplishing things in your life. NOt necessarly by dating women. I became a hell of a lot more self confident in myself when my old business became successful, not because of the money, but simply because I knew I had did something that alot of people couldn't/won't do. Because of that, there isn't much I don't think I can't do. I became even more self confident, amost to the point of sheer arrogence, when I dropped from 210 LbS to 162, my weight now. I don't give 2 cents what people think about me. Anyone. Why? I dont' have to prove myself to anyone. As a matter of fact, it's all physological. Most people who do try to talk about me are just trying to make themsleves feel better about their sad lives. I laugh at them in my head. Anyway, back to confidence. Do things. Set goals, and accomplish them. Loose weight. Get in shape. Learn a new language. Learn some new words. DO something. Stop thinking something.
Woggle Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Be a nice guy but not a doormat. Women need to respect a man in order to love him and a woman does not respect a doormat.
Pantero Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I was recently asked why I am so "cocky" about myself. Well, I am not cocky, but at times I have been known to be arrogant, and I have alot of confidence in myself. I sat down and though about different phases in my life, and it's actually pretty simple. All the affirmations, dreaming, reading in the world will not build self confidence. It will put you on the right track most def, but in a real life situtation, when a HB8-9 is starring at you, wondering what the F do you have to offer that every other guy in the room doesn't? Anyway, let me go to the point. Most guys can fake confidence with the best of them, but most guys live in shells. Their liveliyhood depends on what others think about them, etc. The reason msot guys don't have self confidence is because they don't have anything to be confident about. Let me put it this way. Say you are in a basketball game. You are a really good free throw shooter, and your team is down by 1. You get the ball with 5 seconds left, and you get fouled. Now, are you confident that you can make the shot? Alot depends on your personality type, however, odds are that you are going to feel that you can make these shots, wtihout too much pressure if you have had success shooting free throws in the past. If you aren't a good free throw shooter, what makes you think you are going to get to the line and knock down both, or even one of these free throws in this pressure situtation? With life and/or women, it's a little more general but the exact same concept. You can't be living at home with mom, no real ambitions in life, haven't ever accomplished anythnig, out of shape, etc, and expect to have true "self confidence". You gain self confidence by doing things, accomplishing things in your life. NOt necessarly by dating women. I became a hell of a lot more self confident in myself when my old business became successful, not because of the money, but simply because I knew I had did something that alot of people couldn't/won't do. Because of that, there isn't much I don't think I can't do. I became even more self confident, amost to the point of sheer arrogence, when I dropped from 210 LbS to 162, my weight now. I don't give 2 cents what people think about me. Anyone. Why? I dont' have to prove myself to anyone. As a matter of fact, it's all physological. Most people who do try to talk about me are just trying to make themsleves feel better about their sad lives. I laugh at them in my head. Anyway, back to confidence. Do things. Set goals, and accomplish them. Loose weight. Get in shape. Learn a new language. Learn some new words. DO something. Stop thinking something. Somebody buy this man a beer. This post is on point. Respect. - Pantero
Blackfrost Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I don't give 2 cents what people think about me. Anyone. Why? I dont' have to prove myself to anyone. As a matter of fact, it's all physological. Most people who do try to talk about me are just trying to make themsleves feel better about their sad lives. I laugh at them in my head. Anyway, back to confidence. Do things. Set goals, and accomplish them. Loose weight. Get in shape. Learn a new language. Learn some new words. DO something. Stop thinking something. your signet ring and secret decoder whistle are in the mail. You have now reached the upper echelon of people who live life on their terms vs. anyone elses congrats yo
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I couldn't agree more. Ambition is such an attractive quality. A man could be a complete stud but if he is still living with mum... all attraction is out the window. P.S Is that you blackfrost? I had nightmares about that face... I think I looked at it too long. Haha seriously. *shivers*
donpepot Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Somebody buy this man a beer. This post is on point. Respect. - Pantero actually im drinkin one right now..lolz
Blackfrost Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 P.S Is that you blackfrost? I had nightmares about that face... I think I looked at it too long. Haha seriously. *shivers* I have learned that sometimes the darkness isn't really as bad as I thought it would be.....
noclobber Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Well, I don't want my boyrfriend to be a cold, thoughtless jerk, but tears, and "I can't live with out you" doesn't do it for me either. I would like to know my partner could live without me, like I could live without him. I mean when you think about it, we were fully functioning members of society, capable of making decisions based on logic before we met. For example, as much as I understand this is a place to grieve the loss of love etc. I am a little bit put off by some of the comments otherwise intelligent, and I am sure masculine men have been making on this site. I have also ended a relationship with a man who I loved for five years, he was my first love, and the first and only man I have ever been with. But, I realise now we were not meant to be together and I am looking forward to a much happier life without him. We loved, we learnt, we had good times, but it didn't work, so lets move on... Although, he is now begging and pleading it is sickening to me. I love tenderness, and sweet words, but only when they are said for no other reason than love. No agenda, no plee for forgiveness, I think these acts are petty. I am a big believer in balance, I believe I can be an attractive, feminine and sexual being while still possessing intelligence, strength and a thirst for knowledge (traditionally masculine qualities). So, I believe there is a balance when it comes to men. Arrogance is not an attractive personality trait, but neither is a lack of self confidence. Eg. I went out on the weekend to a bar with some girlfriends, I was approached by far too many men for my liking :/ and the only one I wanted to meet was the one who was ignoring me?!?! Perhaps it was his stand offish nature, or perhaps it was the fact that he had too much self respect too sink to his friends level! But in the end I approached him, and he was charming and sweet BUT he also offered to buy me a drink and physically defended me when a man reached for my breasts. SO although we like nice guys in touch with SOME feminine qualities, we also want to know they can protect and look after us (even if we don't really need it). Pink, This is an excellent post. I have 2 questions for you: 1) Earlier what made you to go out with an arse? 2) From your post: Eg. I went out on the weekend to a bar with some girlfriends, I was approached by far too many men for my liking :/ and the only one I wanted to meet was the one who was ignoring me?!?! Perhaps it was his stand offish nature, or perhaps it was the fact that he had too much self respect too sink to his friends level! But in the end I approached him, and he was charming and sweet BUT he also offered to buy me a drink and physically defended me when a man reached for my breasts. SO although we like nice guys in touch with SOME feminine qualities, we also want to know they can protect and look after us (even if we don't really need it) Aren't men supposed to approach women? Isn't it an indicator of confidence? Why would you go after a guy that didn't have the guts to approach you? and why do you think that the men that did hit on you were sinking to a low level?
Pink Amulet Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 1. I think it is not, why did I go out with such an arse, more to the point why I stayed with such an arse? I was young, he romanced me. He is a song writer for a record label here so he knew just how to serenade me! I think I liked the drama too. Not anymore. It wears thin. He was such hard work. I could quite happily be in a relationship with someone, the same way I could be happy with out one! I am a happy person, and I rarely get mad, he started to make me in to someone I did not want to be. I think someone you are in a relationship with should encourage your happiness not negatively affect it. 2. I will answer one question at a time. I will remind every man out there that this is my opinion not the conclusive answers to the female population. Aren't men supposed to approach women? Who says? I thought the womens movement has eliminated this mentality. Now that I am for the first time on the dating scene If I am attracted to a man I would definitely approach him. It doesn't matter where it was! From a bar, to a library, to the super market! I am going to grab every opportunity to find the right guy! Or at least someone I could be happy with for a while. The worst he could say was "No, sorry not interested", or "I am in a relationship", that's fine with me. I am secure enough in my skin to be rejected for whatever reason and move on confidently to the next conquest Isn't it an indicator of confidence? I am not quite sure about this. It could be an indicator of slight disinterest. That is pretty hot. Knowing he is hard to get. I like it when men play it cool. Be pleasent but not eager. I like to know that a man would go out to a bar with no intention of 'picking up'. He goes out, to have a drink with his friends and just relax. If he meets a lady, that's a plus! The more relaxed he seems in the situation rules out the agenda, and desperation to get laid is not at all an attractive quality. Plus, the harder I have to work for his attention, the more exciting it is. It shows that he is interested in more than a fling in a bar. I think it could also be said that this makes him an even more confident guy. He doesn't need to win a woman over in a bar to make himself feel like a man to have a good night out. Also, too much confidence in a man can be a turn off. There is nothing worst than a guy who thinks he is so damn hot he can have anything he wants. In fact it makes women more inclined to reject them, to put them in their place. Why would you go after a guy that didn't have the guts to approach you? As I said before, it isn't about guts. You can just look at a person, their body language, their clothing, their facial expressions and movement to know if they are comfortable in their surroundings. It is usually the guys who are contstantly approaching women that look uncomfortable and self concious. It is almost like they have something to prove I suppose. A guy who is laid back, enjoying the music etc. is much more confident looking in my eyes! Why do you think that the men that did hit on you were sinking to a low level? I am not talking a one off attempt, I am refering to the men who don't let it go. I am never ever a bitch about it. I would always take it as a compliment... to a point... If they are unwavering in your attempts to make them back off, this is frustrating and has the potential to ruin my night. In fact, a man once asked if he could buy me a drink, I said "Oh thank you, but I'm fine", he said "sure, well I hope you have a lovely evening"... he walked away and I was almost tempted to follow. If I wasn't in a relationship I may have! A gentlemen will try once and then let it go without saying "yeah, you're a whore anyway" or "yeah, well f*ck you", or worse is when they say "Oh why not? It's just a friendly drink"... Take the hint buddy! If I was interested I would say "sure". Tip: Don't send over expensive wine to a table for a female. My best friend and I once recieved a bottle of very expensive champagne "from the group of gentlemen on the other side of the restaurant", we were already tipsy, so we drank down the bottle and as we were both in serious relationships, just said thanks as we walked out of the restaurant! You should have seen their faces
amerikajin Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Women don't want guys who are always a**h***s, but they do want a guy who can be an a**h*** when he has to be - even if it means being an a**h*** to her. It's called having a spine, being a man of principle, not forgetting who you are. For example, your girl keeps showing up late for a date and doesn't bother to call or explain. You then have the audacity to ask 'Where were you, I waited for you for almost half an hour and didn't know what was up?' To which she replies indignantly, 'Excuse me? I don't have to answer to you'. Classic case of a girl just being a flat out bytch, and chances are this girl is good looking, knows it and is in her own way seeing just what kind of stuff you're made of. Now the nice guy is going to say 'Well, I was just wondering where you were, that's all. I don't know...oh well, let's just go to the movies.' And she ends up losing a lot of respect for the new man in her life. And the fact is, even a lot of seemingly nice girls will do something like this once in a while, especially if they are used to being catered to and used to having guys give her second, third and fourth chances in the hope of getting somewhere with her. But all they get is the 'Let's just be friends' line after the third date, if it even goes that far. Then there's the man who knows how to handle women, the nice jerk. 'Look, I don't appreciate being stood up. I can handle you being late but it would be nice if you'd give me a call just to let me know what's up.' To which she replies 'Excuse me, I don't answer to you'. And to which he replies, 'You're absolutely right, you don't. I tell ya what, maybe this just isn't a good time. Why don't you call me next week when you've lost some of the attitude, okay? See ya.' (walks off). If nice means being nice to her even though she's not being nice to you, YES, change!!!
Pink Amulet Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Hmmm, that first guy sounded sweet , haha, you are right though.
Woggle Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 I know I keep repeating this but a woman has to respect a man to be attracted to him. Respect is a very overlooked factor when it comes to women.
amerikajin Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Totally agree, Woggle. I think respect is a prerequisite for true romantic love, man or woman. Anything else is just shallow attraction, and it won't last.
Pink Amulet Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 If my ex let something get him down, or let his mother push him around, I became instantly less sexually aroused when in bed. It sounds horrible, but I can only put it down to the fact that his lack of strength in the face of adversity just killed my sexual attraction.
Diver012 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 This issue again boils down to self conviction and self confidence to me... Know who you are Know what you want More importantly... Know who you are not Know what you don't want .. and dont be afraid to lose... s*** happens. Deal with it and move on.
Diver012 Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 If my ex let something get him down, or let his mother push him around, I became instantly less sexually aroused when in bed. It sounds horrible, but I can only put it down to the fact that his lack of strength in the face of adversity just killed my sexual attraction. Actually it doesnt sound horrible at all. Makes perfect sense. Maybe this has something to do with Maternal Instincts in women? If a woman sees a man upset, depressed, ect.. doesn't the caring mother side come out a bit?
Author RealBroken Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 OK this is what I have read....... is by Alan Pease International Best Seller Body Language, Why Men dont listen and Women Cant read maps etc etc. Back in the cave man days,...... during a drought, famine, disease, danger from predators etc etc..... the male was the protector, thus when stuff happened, it was his job to not show emotion. He felt it the same as the other family members, but was not to show it, so that the family would feel safe and secure. Thus I guess, why women find it attractive. Its not about whether the man is feeling down or frightened etc, its whether he shows it. Men have the same attractions in women but just different..... a motherly woman, someone who reminds him of his mother.... if a good upbringing will subconciously tell him shes a good person to breed with. Boobs that look round and similar to her bum are attractive,..... because well thats what they looked at in our monkey days while mating........ focus has gone from bum to boobs.......IF they look the same. etc etc. A womans smell will be different depending on her immune system make up. A woman that has an immune system most different from the man, will have the most attractive smell. This is because when the two immune systems that are breeding together are very different...... it produces a more immune offspring. This has only been discovered in recent years. Different men will find different womans smells attractive. At the end of the day tho, there is someone out there for everyone. Women will still date wusses, and men will still date ugly women. Maybe TRUE love is really blind, Who knows. So there u go, theres a slightly more scientific point of view. Take from it what u want. ha ha
Author RealBroken Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 I think that when a mans upset....... the caring mother side will come out in any "female friends" he may have...... but often the girlfriend wont handle it too well." I remember,..... work was sooo stressful, had to move home, worst tooth ache of my life,....... then friend dies........ Ok so the tears started to run, from no where. My ex just looked at me. Tried to hug for a couple of seconds but thats all she could do. I basically thought f*** you,.... last time u get a back rub and your crying eyes kissed coz you spilt some milk. No matter who you are, sometimes you need someone to lean on if things get bad. Wonder if thats why male suicide is so high.
Pink Amulet Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 A whole lot of nothing for me Edit: You and your posting-twice-every-time syndrome Realbroken!!!!!! This was in response to the above post.
Author RealBroken Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 Yeah well, sometimes I decide to add more Pink Amulet ! A bugger there was nothin in there for you.
Pink Amulet Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 That s*** about ass/and breasts... ????????? If I saw breasts that looked like an arse, I would be concerned. More so if their arse was similar to their breasts
Author RealBroken Posted June 23, 2006 Author Posted June 23, 2006 I dunno Pink Amulet.......... I've seen some member photos on this site with a clevage lookin quite similar to a plumbers crack.
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