miranda beverly Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 My ex and I had a bit of a discussion and I told him I couldnt do the whole friends thing. He said it hurt, that he didnt want to lose me, I was one of the most important people in his life and was the only one he could be himself around. Long story short I told him that I agreed and we shouldnt lose contact after all that we have been through in the past four years, but I told him that when I was "ready" to put my feelings for him on strictly a level of friendship, I would call him in a few months or so. He asked what my plans were, I said I might just moved back to Connecticut with my family. He told me he would be sad. I shrugged. He requested that I stop by before I leave. I didn't really give a reply to that, and kind of left it at "eh, we'll see about that". This was last Friday, so it has been slightly over a week with no sort of contact. I blocked him from my AIM, made a new myspace profile that was strictly private and did not add him, not even any mutual friends of ours. Yesterday I left for Connecticut and while I was driving I noticed his number on my missed calls list. No voicemail. No email later. No text message. Just his number on my missed calls. So after having a huge panic attack, instead of calling him back I called one of my best friends to get rid of the stress. I was 100% convinced that he would honor my request that I couldn't talk to him again until I rid myself of any sort of romantic feelings for him and could accept him as a friend. I was pretty convinced he would not try to call me, so that is why I'm a big confused. My first guess was that it was to say something like, "hey your goddamn mail is still being sent to my house, by the way. are you getting that taken care of or what?" or possibly him being pissed off that I never said anything to him about my departure. (Why the hell would I be obligated to anyway? I must have missed the part where he made it very clear he did not want to date me or ever get back together with me? Jerk. ) I figured that if it was something important that I should know about even if he had stuff of mine still, he would have left a message. A month ago when I broke off contact, he at least sent me an email requesting that we seperate our cell phones since we were on the same plan. I dont know. Of course there is the typical him wanting to feed his ego and make sure I'm still in love with him. f***ing guys suck. Its weird how just two hours later our mutual friend called to ask what my plans were? So this is a guy opinion I guess. He's totally trying to make sure I'm still around to make himself feel good. OR, he wants to make sure I'm gone so he can move onto someone else that he possibly has in mind. Hrm. I'm kind of sick of this emotional turmoil. Im sick of having panic attacks over this, really. Its bringing me down. And I dont think that I should call him back, and I dont think that he will ever ever call a second time anyway.
Big_A Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 You're right, if it was important he would leave a message, or if it is important he will call again and leave a message. I think that calling w/o leaving the message is just fishing for your reaction. DON'T CALL BACK. Just ignore it and have a laugh with a few friends.
GW7147 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Hey Miranda, He's a moron. He says he doesn't want to lose you and you an important person in his life. I assume he broke up with you? If that's the case and you're that important to him, he needs to pull his head out of his butt and listen to what he's saying. He wouldn't have left in the first place if you played such a vital role in his life. Seems you're right. I think he's trying to continue on his ego trip. You're doing the right thing by asking for NC and avoiding him. Granted, the two of you spent some significant time together and it's difficult to toss that away without flinching but, he seems pretty self absorbed. He's not respecting your feelings whatsoever. Continue on your path to recovery, continue NC and leave it at that. Stand your ground and only accept things on your terms. You're the most important person in this situation. His feelings don't count anymore and he's lost his right to know what you're doing or where you're going. You know the drill, look out for yourself and heal from this break-up. They'll be somebody waiting for you in the end to bring happiness your way. I'm in the process of healing myself. I've been in NC for about 2 months now. It sucks, but, what can I do??? Don't let your zipperhead ex burn an impression in your mind of what guys are like, we don't all do what he's done. I wish you the best!! Regards, GW
Author miranda beverly Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 Well I blew it. I took him off my block list on AIM last night. Eventually I saw him sign online. He never messaged me with anything such as, "hey I called you the other day" or anything of the sort. So eventually I just signed off about fifteen minutes after he got on. And put him back on the block list today. It could have been worse. I could have messaged him, then I would feel a little bit more awful. But seriously, I think I have no dignity by unblocking him and letting him see that I was online. Good job at no contact, huh? Uhg. I'm so f***ing mad at myself.
fabulousgal Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 This is interesting bc I did the same thing yesterday. However I reacted really fast and blocked him again and he wasn't online anyway, do you want to talk to him, or practice strict NC? you could always leave him unblocked but deleted off of your list (to avoid temptation to IM him yourself). Only if you want to hear from him though, I almost did yesterday but then said f it!
fabulousgal Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Ok, I read your story. Don't feel bad about what you did, but stay away from this guy. If he has something to say to you let him work to find you, if he was not keen on rekindling things he should have never continued to stay physical with you unless he was certain you could hande it. And if you were crying everyday during those two months, my guess is apparent that it wasn't.
Author miranda beverly Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 His mom called me. As if things were normal. weird. she let me know that my car insurance bill was sent to her house. she told me to just stop by. i said i havent had the house key in weeks. she said to just call her before i come then. and "bye sweetie i love you". Holy awkward. I feel bad. I do love her to death. But. you know.
mishy Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I'm sorry , i don't want to be rude BUT to be honest i think you are getting a thrill out of this NC no contact thing. I mean really, it just looks to me from what you have written that you want no contact but are cut when he doesn't contact you. Work out what you really want. It seems that NC is just about getting attention form the person that you are not wanting attention from!!
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