My ex g/f has no heart

[richardcruz]

I had been with my ex for about a year and a half. Soon after we started going out her Mom started hating me for no apparent reason. I am very respectful and did nothing to get on her bad side. Anyways, for about a year we continued going out and things got worse and worse with her mom to the point were her Mom forbid her to go out with me. My ex would cry all day because her mom was being unreasonable. I even attempted to talk to her mother to try to mend things. In the past, my ex had told me that she had left here former b/fs because of her mom. Keep in mind that I am 27 and she is 25. Well, ultimately we decided that the only way that we could continue our relationship is if we moved out so I purchased a house. Of course her mom was irrate because she left home and her Mom didnt talk to her for 5 months despite the fact that my ex was trying contacting her.

 

Well things were perfect for the first few months. However, after some time, she hated being tight with money and having very little time for herself. On the 6th month she finally made contact with her mom. A week later she starts telling me that she cant take the stress of living on her own and wants to move out. I was devasted! I had specifically purchased the house for us to live in. I was happy and I loved her. Sure enough a week later she moved out and I made the mistake of crying in front of her and telling her that I needed her and begged her to stay. She still left and she told me that she would still love me the same.

 

As soon as she went back home she started acting weird and I found out that she was calling an old flame for hours and hours and going to visit him. I even got her the job where she is currently at and where she was IM'ing her old flame that I had told her in the past that I didn't want her talking to. I confronted her about all this and she just said "You're giving me a headache. See thats why I dont want to talk to you."She would tell me that she needed space and that she only wanted to talk to me once a week because she didnt want her mom to find out that we were talking. I knew this was all bulls**t. She began to basically just treated me like s**t. Eventually the point came when she wouldnt even pick up my calls or return my messages.The last time I called her I told her that I would forgive her and that we could still make things work. (stupid, i know). She told me that her mom would never accept me and she just wanted to forget that we ever happended. This hurt so bad!!! I finally stopped calling. It has been two weeks exactly since the last time we have had any conversation. I feel broken and have never felt so betrayed or hurt in my life. She just walked away from everything and didn't even care how I was going to deal with the mortgage payment or the heartbreak.

[BrandonBP]

Yep, they do that don't they? They love your with all their heart one minute then they don't give a rat's ass about you the next.

 

I might make it my personal mission in life to s*** on as many women as possible. I'll take one for the team, guys! I'll give them some payback for all the times they've left us wallowing in our own misery without even one thought more as to whether we ever take another breath.

 

I'll go from woman to woman making them fall in love, then right about the time she's head over heals in love, I'll just leave her and never look back. Then I'll go on to the next one and start sleeping with her not even a week after I dump the other one.

 

Better yet, I'll just date two women at once then "accidently" let them both find out that I have a sextoy on the side. That way I could get twice the effect for my time. When I leave each one choking on her own tears, I'll say, "Touche bitch! You can thank my ex-fiance!"

 

Or I could just not give much of a damn about women period kinda like I feel right now...

[richardcruz]

I'll definetly join you on that mission. Its like I keep beating myself over and over trying to figure out why she did all this to me. How could so sweet and loving be so cold and not take into account everything that we had been through and everything that I had done for her. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. Sometimes it all of a sudden hurts really bad and I feel like picking up the phone and calling her. Its like I want to tell her the right words so something will spark in her head and everything will go back to normal and make the pain go away. I feel like I have been robbed of my future wife. Today I practically had to fight myself mentally to keep from dialing her number.

[LN8840K]

Things happen for a reason or so they say, as a person who's in love you won't or can't see it, at the time, however after reading your post for whatever reason ( her fault, your fault ) it is better for you that she's gone.

 

2+ months with NC, I can clearly see now, what I could not 2 months ago.

 

 

NO CONTACT DOES WORK TO HEAL YOU

 

GO no contact, stay strong

[richardcruz]

So far these two past weeks have been the longest weeks of my life. Its so hard to not talk to someone that had been there for you everday. I feel like if I call her, the sweet girl that I once knew will answer and love me again. But instead I will get my ex that has told me the most hurtful things that I have ever heard. I just feel so lonely without her.

[Pantero]

Your ex g/f is a complete **** just like her mother. Reading this post pissed me off.

 

The only good that can come out of this is that you've got your own place now. If she "can't handle the stress of living alone", that's her problem. Let her stay with her controlling mother and that loser old-flame of hers.

 

You, on the other hand...I hope you learned never to go this far for anyone. Screw them. People will stab you in the back and you'll never know who to trust. But hey, real estate won't depreciate in value so buying your own house at 27, for you, isn't a bad move.

 

It's gonna be Hell for the upcoming months, man. Post here, and hang with your friends. Forget those idiots.

[richardcruz]

Thanks for the post Pantero. It feels good that you felt pissed by reading my post because you can just imagine that this whole thing is just burning at whatever is left of my heart. It makes me feel that im not alone in feeling completely betrayed and used if others can see it too. You are so right. You try to be a good person and help someone you love but instead, you end up getting hurt and treated like s**t for getting involved in a problem that wasn't yours in the first place. I honestly feel like she stabbed me and left me to die while she laughed and went out with her friends and pretended as if we never happended.

[BrandonBP]

Its so hard to not talk to someone that had been there for you everday. I just feel so lonely without her.

What you say is also the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with emotionally, and I've done a LOT of tough things in my life.

 

I, of course, miss her beautiful face and short brown hair. I miss her wonderful smile when she was overjoyed to just be with me no matter what we were doing.

 

But most of all, I miss talking to her. We had everything in common. We had the same dreams and goals. We loved to cook for one another and go to nice restaurants. We planted a garden and set up bird feeders on her patio to watch the doves and squirrels fight over the food. We would just sit and talk for hours about the things that made both of us happy in life, and they were almost always identical. We would talk about how wonderful our lives would be together as husband and wife.

 

I've read all through these forums looking for answers. I've seen several posts explaining that we all have more than one soulmate in life. It's really hard for me to believe that any woman will ever be as compatible with me as my ex, though. I can't imagine ever finding any girl as beautiful, smart, professional, educated, and compatible with my personality as my girlie.

 

I'm just hoping that she'll figure out the same thing for herself at some point. The last time I spoke with her, she still wouldn't say "never" about us. She just says "Not right now." I still have hope that she'll look around for a while and figure out what she's missing.

 

In the meantime, I've learned a lot of good stuff from these forums. All the things I should've done to make her happy and excited to be with me, I'll now know how to do. I wish I had gotten these insider tips about women before now...

 

If you haven't seen this post of mine, I found something that has really done a miracle on my attitude:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t91312/

 

Try it, brother. It'll change your life!

 

Brandon

[Bex_23]

Aw come on stop being so naive, no one breaks up with anyone for being TOO nice....,thats what people and I mean both men and women say to try and spare your feelings about the real reason they dont want you.

 

Too nice usually means, either you are a nice person, but there is just no real chemistry, you are a nice person but I just dont fancy you etc etc

[SweetAndKinky]

Yep, they do that don't they? They love your with all their heart one minute then they don't give a rat's ass about you the next.

 

I might make it my personal mission in life to s*** on as many women as possible. I'll take one for the team, guys! I'll give them some payback for all the times they've left us wallowing in our own misery without even one thought more as to whether we ever take another breath.

 

I'll go from woman to woman making them fall in love, then right about the time she's head over heals in love, I'll just leave her and never look back. Then I'll go on to the next one and start sleeping with her not even a week after I dump the other one.

 

Better yet, I'll just date two women at once then "accidently" let them both find out that I have a sextoy on the side. That way I could get twice the effect for my time. When I leave each one choking on her own tears, I'll say, "Touche bitch! You can thank my ex-fiance!"

 

Or I could just not give much of a damn about women period kinda like I feel right now...

 

While I definitely understand why you would feel this way, this whole post makes me sick to my stomach. The scenario you are describing here is indicative of how all of the men in my life have treated me; the sad thing is that I'm a kind, deep caring, loving person and I would never and have never treated anyone like this in my life. I have never dated more than one person at one time. I have never cheated on anyone. If I liked you, you could tell, if I didn't, you could tell. I've never played games with anyone, ever.

 

I have gotten to the point where I absolutely do not think it is in my ability to believe that anyone will ever really care about me or ever really love me. There is always their own agenda...which seems to be the one you posted here...and they are so good at playing that game that I can no longer trust my own judgement and have any relationships period.

 

I feel that men are genetically built to be the one in your post. And it terrifies me. Men (and I'm sure the same goes for the women you have been with as well) are able to put on such a perfect performance that I can no longer even rely on the "actions speak louder than words" theory. They've learned to talk the talk and walk the walk, but the whole thing is an act.

 

I'd rather just die alone than to ever be lied to again. I sincerely hope you are truly incapable of becoming this person you're describing. There are times when I sarcastically say I'm going to turn into a gold-digging bitch and just use my looks, body and charm to get whatever I want out of this life. But, the real essence of who I am could never pull that off. I don't have it in me to intentionally hurt another person.

[Pantero]

Okay, let's not hijack the thread and turn it into a Men vs. Women debacle. We're all here because we're all down and out about our love lives. So, it's easy to fall into this circle of negativity. I mean, if we find someone tomorrow, we'll all be like "Loveshack? What's that?"

 

It sucks to be on either side of the fence - male or female. In the end, it depends on the individuals. It's Hell getting there, but it's worth the emotional trauma.

 

Keep the faith. I know I am...

[Magister]

I read your posts. And I just have to say that you have an incredibly self-centered, immature perspective.

 

You talk about how heartless your girlfriend is, but what about how heartless you are? You know her mother didn't approve of your relationship and that that bothered your ex, why didn't you take those feelings into consideration?

 

Your real problem here is that you expect everyone to experience life from where you are sitting. You went around for months telling yourself, "if she were me she'd want the same things I want." And now, you're saying to yourself, "I wouldn't have done this to my ex, why did she do this to me?" But the thing is, your ex isn't you. Not everyone has the same beliefs. She placed a great importance on having a relationship with her mother. Is that bad? No. Is that good? Nope. It just is.

 

The optimal solution is this situation would have been the mother deciding you were all right and giving her blessing to your relationship. That is what your ex wanted. It could have happened like that, but you screwed up. You thought you were giving your ex what she wanted, but you weren't. Your ex spent months trying to get her mother to change her opinion. Why weren't you trying to help her?

 

You were so ready to rush off into fairly tale land that, instead of helping your ex reach the goal she wanted, you got into a power struggle with her mom. She spent months in the middle of that power struggle. No wonder she wants to be done with the whole thing.

 

So, to sum this up, next time you meet a woman and she has baggage, deal with the baggage. Don't think there is something wrong with her mother because the woman doesn't like you. Don't put her in a situation where she has to choose between two things she wants and expect her to choose you because you love her (her mother loves her too). Don't, "we ultimately decided..." Don't move into a house with her. And don't declare "mission accomplished" while she is still fighting.

[BrandonBP]

I sincerely hope you are truly incapable of becoming this person you're describing.

No, I'm not a cruel person. I just have my own fluctuation of emotions right now and "mad" seems to be one of the emotions I'm getting on occasion. I would never hurt any woman like this because I know how horrible it feels to have the person you love completely abandon you.

[Bex_23]

Everyone posting here is going through pain and struggling to deal with difficult emotions it might really help if people just tried to talk about how they FEEL and try and and save the ranting for different threads?

 

I'm sure that everyone could help each other if the focus was more on the situation they are in right now, rather than all the details of the breakup which is only going to rake up all the feelings of bitterness and anger and lead to some of the negative "all women are bitches" "all men are bastards" kind of posts that will just upset or wind up the other posters who are all feeling equally as vulnerable and spiky right now..

 

All this negative reinforcement's only going to make it harder and more painful in the longrun, where as trying to understand each others points of view can only help you either to get back together again or get over the pain

[richardcruz]

Thanks you for your honest opinion Magister. So what do you think I should have done. Do you think I should have walked away from the relationship after a year of us being together? I tried talking to her Mother on several occasions. When I would leave, she would get mad with my ex for allowing me to come talk to her. She was really unreasonable. How are you supposed to reason with someone that doesn't want to reason with you. She just wasn't having any of it. She just wanted me out period. It got to the point were she would physical lock her by locking the front bar door at night to keep her from going out with me. Her mom refused to talk to me. Believe me, we exasperated every last resource possible. I tried everything I could to make her mother happy. Remember that her Mom had put pressure on her in the past to leave her other b/fs because she felt that she was getting to close to them. I understand that a Mother loves a daughter but there seems to be a pattern here that isn't right. I never wanted to get into a power struggle with her, I just wanted to be happy with my ex. All I ever wanted was to gain her mothers acceptance but she stone walled me. What was I to do?

[rkman]

Thanks you for your honest opinion Magister. So what do you think I should have done. Do you think I should have walked away from the relationship after a year of us being together? I tried talking to her Mother on several occasions. When I would leave, she would get mad with my ex for allowing me to come talk to her. She was really unreasonable. How are you supposed to reason with someone that doesn't want to reason with you. She just wasn't having any of it. She just wanted me out period. It got to the point were she would physical lock her by locking the front bar door at night to keep her from going out with me. Her mom refused to talk to me. Believe me, we exasperated every last resource possible. I tried everything I could to make her mother happy. Remember that her Mom had put pressure on her in the past to leave her other b/fs because she felt that she was getting to close to them. I understand that a Mother loves a daughter but there seems to be a pattern here that isn't right. I never wanted to get into a power struggle with her, I just wanted to be happy with my ex. All I ever wanted was to gain her mothers acceptance but she stone walled me. What was I to do?

 

Unfortunately, if it's a problem, it's up to the daughter to recognize the roots of the problem. We aren't always willing to do so due to the pressures involved. Most of the time, we choose the path of least resistance. I think you ex put in a goo long fight for you, and you should defintely commend her for her painful efforts.

 

At the same time, look at it this way. Is all of the crap that is brought to the table worth dealing with for the rest of your life?

[Just Visiting]

Your ex g/f is a complete cunt just like her mother. Reading this post pissed me off.

 

The only good that can come out of this is that you've got your own place now. If she "can't handle the stress of living alone", that's her problem. Let her stay with her controlling mother and that loser old-flame of hers.

 

You, on the other hand...I hope you learned never to go this far for anyone. Screw them. People will stab you in the back and you'll never know who to trust. But hey, real estate won't depreciate in value so buying your own house at 27, for you, isn't a bad move.

 

It's gonna be Hell for the upcoming months, man. Post here, and hang with your friends. Forget those idiots.

 

That first paragrah made me laugh. Blunt and straight to the point. I agree with this advice. Forget her and move on.

[Pantero]

Thanks you for your honest opinion Magister. So what do you think I should have done. Do you think I should have walked away from the relationship after a year of us being together? I tried talking to her Mother on several occasions. When I would leave, she would get mad with my ex for allowing me to come talk to her. She was really unreasonable. How are you supposed to reason with someone that doesn't want to reason with you. She just wasn't having any of it. She just wanted me out period. It got to the point were she would physical lock her by locking the front bar door at night to keep her from going out with me. Her mom refused to talk to me. Believe me, we exasperated every last resource possible. I tried everything I could to make her mother happy. Remember that her Mom had put pressure on her in the past to leave her other b/fs because she felt that she was getting to close to them. I understand that a Mother loves a daughter but there seems to be a pattern here that isn't right. I never wanted to get into a power struggle with her, I just wanted to be happy with my ex. All I ever wanted was to gain her mothers acceptance but she stone walled me. What was I to do?

 

You're better off without them. You'll always get those viewpoints where people will say "HEY IT WAS YOUR FAULT TOO". Tell them to cry you a river and just focus on getting over this.

[richardcruz]

Im so glad that I found this site where I can get an unbiased opinion of my situation. I just want to make it clear that I made an intense effort prior to us moving out to mend things with her Mother. Im the kind of person that lives by the motto " You'll never know if you don't try." and believe me, i tried. It was really to the point where we had to decide to move out or stop seeing each other. And this was a decision that we BOTH made. Again, thank you all for your posts.

[Magister]

Thanks you for your honest opinion Magister. So what do you think I should have done. Do you think I should have walked away from the relationship after a year of us being together? I tried talking to her Mother on several occasions. When I would leave, she would get mad with my ex for allowing me to come talk to her. She was really unreasonable. How are you supposed to reason with someone that doesn't want to reason with you. She just wasn't having any of it. She just wanted me out period. It got to the point were she would physical lock her by locking the front bar door at night to keep her from going out with me. Her mom refused to talk to me. Believe me, we exasperated every last resource possible. I tried everything I could to make her mother happy. Remember that her Mom had put pressure on her in the past to leave her other b/fs because she felt that she was getting to close to them. I understand that a Mother loves a daughter but there seems to be a pattern here that isn't right. I never wanted to get into a power struggle with her, I just wanted to be happy with my ex. All I ever wanted was to gain her mothers acceptance but she stone walled me.

 

Do you know why the mother didn't want her daughter to have boyfriends? If you don't, how can you say that she was unreasonable? What was momma afraid of? It seems you only achieved a shallow understanding of what was going on. When your girlfriend told you that she broke up with past boyfriends because of her mom, you should have been analyzing the heck out of that. If she really wanted to be with those other guys, what kind of hold did the mom have on your ex that she could force her to breakup with them? Was it financial? Why was she staying with her mother in the first place? Why didn't she get her own place? Why did the two of you have to move in together?

[richardcruz]

Do you know why the mother didn't want her daughter to have boyfriends? If you don't, how can you say that she was unreasonable? What was momma afraid of? It seems you only achieved a shallow understanding of what was going on. When your girlfriend told you that she broke up with past boyfriends because of her mom, you should have been analyzing the heck out of that. If she really wanted to be with those other guys, what kind of hold did the mom have on your ex that she could force her to breakup with them? Was it financial? Why was she staying with her mother in the first place? Why didn't she get her own place? Why did the two of you have to move in together?

 

Well, first of all Moms relationship isnt peachy with Dad, so I guess she feels that once her daughter starts getting to close with someone, she starts making her life hell because she feels she is going to be alone. Also when it comes to exes, I practice the don't ask, don't tell. Other than initially asking "when was the last time she had a boyfriend" question. I dont really want to know much more. You don't really want to dive to much into someones past beacause your probably going to find out some things that you didn't want to know and are irrelevant. Now as far as the other part of your quote, in my neck of the woods houses aren't cheap. Having a house is really saying something. Most people end up renting, and thats not exactly cheap either. 'Round these parts people with decent paying jobs usually double or triple up in an apartments to make rent. Now with that being said, what would make you even think according to the way that I have described her Mother that she would willingly even consider letting her move out on her own (Hahaha) . You and I are talking about a different woman all together. That would be the last thing she would have ever let her do. "Shallow understanding?" hardly. Trust me when I tell you there wasn't any other option. Thanks for your post.

[BrandonBP]

This quote is disgusting and just shows you up to be nothing but a slimeball

Have I met you before? You assume a lot about me.

 

You are a cruel person - your thinking is twisted and you would hurt a woman -look at what you wrote for crying out loud.

Stephen King writes about violence, murder, and torture. But he's never done any of those things as far as we know.

 

Go stick your head back in your ass and talk to someone who gives a s***.

[johnlucas]

Ya know reading the responses in this thread makes me wonder how humans ever reproduced in the first place.

 

No wonder they call it the Miracle of Life.

 

John Lucas

 

P.S., folks: Misogyny + Misandry = Extinction

Keep that in mind.

[MarnieGirl]

 

I'll go from woman to woman making them fall in love, then right about the time she's head over heals in love, I'll just leave her and never look back. Then I'll go on to the next one and start sleeping with her not even a week after I dump the other one.

 

if you dislike women enough to get "revenge" on women who have not actually hurt you, then it seems that the above idea isn't going to work...or you would have had this power over all them all along.

 

as per your experiences, you obviously lack this power.

[email me]

I read your posts. And I just have to say that you have an incredibly self-centered, immature perspective.

 

You talk about how heartless your girlfriend is, but what about how heartless you are? You know her mother didn't approve of your relationship and that that bothered your ex, why didn't you take those feelings into consideration?

 

Your real problem here is that you expect everyone to experience life from where you are sitting. You went around for months telling yourself, "if she were me she'd want the same things I want." And now, you're saying to yourself, "I wouldn't have done this to my ex, why did she do this to me?" But the thing is, your ex isn't you. Not everyone has the same beliefs. She placed a great importance on having a relationship with her mother. Is that bad? No. Is that good? Nope. It just is.

 

The optimal solution is this situation would have been the mother deciding you were all right and giving her blessing to your relationship. That is what your ex wanted. It could have happened like that, but you screwed up. You thought you were giving your ex what she wanted, but you weren't. Your ex spent months trying to get her mother to change her opinion. Why weren't you trying to help her?

 

You were so ready to rush off into fairly tale land that, instead of helping your ex reach the goal she wanted, you got into a power struggle with her mom. She spent months in the middle of that power struggle. No wonder she wants to be done with the whole thing.

 

So, to sum this up, next time you meet a woman and she has baggage, deal with the baggage. Don't think there is something wrong with her mother because the woman doesn't like you. Don't put her in a situation where she has to choose between two things she wants and expect her to choose you because you love her (her mother loves her too). Don't, "we ultimately decided..." Don't move into a house with her. And don't declare "mission accomplished" while she is still fighting.

 

 

Hey, I think you have an excellent point of view.