tink22702 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 My boyfreind and I have dated for nearly five years. The past three weeks we have been fighting and broke up. We still talk and he tells me we will hang out at some point.I called and asked to hang out today after it has been two weeks, i asked him to go out to dinner he acted strangley. He told me had had plans with another girl. He sad they were just haingin out but i got upset and angry, he told me he didnt like when i got so angryi said so should i be getting over you and he said i dont care ,do what u need to do, i then told him he was breaking my herat and hung up. He showed up at my house 20 min later ( which he has never done unexspectedly) and talked with me for an hour. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me but couldnt be with me and fight everyday. He said he didnt like to see me cry and didnt want to not be with me but could not go on with fighting anymore. He said we need to change so we dont nag and fight so much. He told me we were clearley broken up but could hang out. And possibly with no promisses if we hang out and get along maybe get back together. He acted like he did not want to break up but at the same time he was not afraid of loosing me. I want to hang out with him and show him i can be better and less annoying but im afraid that while we are hanging out he will be meeting other girls ( cause he said we could see others) and i will loose him during thistime where we are supposed to be growing stronger for each other. what should i do to preserve the relationship. should i hang out with him or not. should i wait for him to ask me to hang out, should we hook up if we hang out , how should i act when we are together im so lost , should i forget about this relationship all together, i love him and have spent nearly five years of my life with him please help.
paige367 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I'm very sorry, Tink, but it sounds like you've already lost him. He's playing games with you by promising you things and then pulling them away. Your best bet is to try and move on. I know 5 years is a long time especially when you're young but I bet if you look around you'll find someone else who intersts you. Good luck.
Pink Amulet Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Okay, I have been here... You need to just say "no". Call him up and tell him you won't do it, you understand where he is coming from, and he can't help feel that way but you won't do it. You want a man who knows he wants to be with you, and work through your issues rather than running away. Leave him, and tell him it's okay. Tell him you hope he finds what he is looking for. That night, go to your best friends house and stay with her, the next day have something plan to occupy your whole day. Keep yourself busy, keep yourself happy. Try not to think about him, and if you do, think of all the painful moments. The moments where you realised he is not the man for you. Get on with your life. It sounds as though this will be all it takes before he will realise what he is losing and come crawling back with some plans and promises to make your relationship better. Although this will probably happen, the most important thing is to act like it won't. Focus on yourself. Start thinking about your own life, and making changes to make yourself a happier person. Start going out more, getting dressed up, and spending time with friends. If he comes back, work from there, if not, think of it as his loss. You are never meant to be with someone who walks away from you.
Author tink22702 Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 Pink amulet. thak you for your advice. the only thing is we have broken up for this issue more than once maybe more then three times. We do fight alot but i know we love each other. This time he said he wants to be with me but everytime he comes back i change for a month then go back to my old ways of nagging. He is afraid i wont change if he comes back it is true im not always the best girlfriend but i want to show him im serious this time and want him in my life. What should i do ? should i still follow what you said before or does this change the circumstances ? please get back to me thank you, Tink
Poboy Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 why do you change around him. You should always be yourself , if he likes you ... it would be for what you are From the looks of things , I think it is time for you to move on. He is mostly playing safe just keeping you around while he will see other girls. It is going to be tough since you were with him for 5 yrs ... dont try to put too much pressure on yourself , continue with your normal life , if he is really intrested , he will come . At the same time , meet new people , new guys ... you will find someone who respects for what you are
Pink Amulet Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 It sounds as though I am your boyfriend in this situation. I have been there from his side, I have seen empty promises of change lasting only a month. I realise why now. You can't pretend to be something you're not in a relationship. You can only fake it for so long before you can't hold your hurt and angey inside. If he is saying things, or doing things that are making you hurt, and then when you tell him your hurting he gets angry at your reasons, I would just say let it go. It sounds like there is far too much baggage to deal with if only one side is willing to put in the hard yards. You say you change for him, but it doesn't last long, why? I bet it is because he is still hurting you and making you want to fight with him. For your own sake, I would just say leave the relationship alone. Find yourself, and then see what comes of it later down the track. You will probably find yourself happier without him over time. How old are you by the way?
Author tink22702 Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 thank you pink amulet, you will probably laugh but i am only 21 and i know im young. Anyway your right the reason i alway fight him is because he has hurt me in little ways that i just let add up and take out on him in other ways. I try to change but sometimes i just break. I know we love each other but we are soyoung and have been serious forso long. I feel he is everything i want but then again i have had nothing else. This is so hard to see and admit, i am c rying as i type i want himsomuch but your right if he wants me he will come back to me. And maybe he is not for me. I just dont know how to go on EVRYTHING reminds me of him. I hjave sepnt so much time with him i almost have no more friends we were together 24/7 its so hard do you have any more tips you are really helping me !
Author tink22702 Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 p.s he has changed for me in the past he went through anger managment for me and has become a better person out of that. He has matured in the relationship i have not. Its hard because we have been together since 1 6. I feel i still act 16 in the relationship, being possesive and not trusting him. I know i need to grow up and i think i need to be without him to do so but im afraid as i grow and become stronger and more mature i will loose him in the process and i see my sefl withim for the long run, hes my best friend. Tink
Pink Amulet Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Well, I am 20 and I just got out of a five year relationship too. I know where you are coming from. I just don't think relationships work this young. Maybe in the 1950s or when the average life span was 40. Then again you didn't really have a choice then. I know all the feelings you are experiencing. He is everything I know, I have never even slept with another man, he is my best friend blah blah blah. But then I think, he is so damn lucky to have had me in his bed every night, and he was one s*** best to treat me the way he did. It hasn't been long since I have seen him, and I miss him, but wow, I am so happy right now! I haven't felt like this in a long time. I feel free, and wonderful. I don't have to think about when our next fight is, and I don't need to think about what came out of a our last fight. I don't need to worry about him, and what he is doing. I am free to be selfish. P.S another thing I discovered, there are some sexy men out there! So get partying I say. Don't ignore the pain, but don't let it control you. I bet in your heart you knew the day of break up was inevitable. I could never see myself marry that man. The fighting is suppose to start a few years in to the marriage, not a few years before!
Pantero Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Tell him to go stick his sack into a blender. He's ending things on his terms. The fact that he's ending it shouldn't obligate you to do anything. His loss. You'll find someone better now.
Author tink22702 Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 i made a big boo boo and had sex withi him, sex i initiated, and today we hung out for a little while, im not strong enough for this
Pantero Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 ^^ Well, it's a setback and it's going to make things that much harder for you. But then again, all setbacks are temporary unless you dwell on them.
Guest Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 true set backs aretemporary but the problem is that im not looking at it as a set back yet as a step forward. I really want to be with him. I nknow everyone here syas no not a good idea but it is what i want. I LOVE HIM. i need tips on how to get him back, even if no one agress with me. We had sex o nce and now tal on the phone and hung out one time with no sex.
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