j.carsey Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Thinking too much about dating is not good! I love this site but I think some of us are here too often Myself included. You know the type, bitter guy, wants a lady but can't help but be pessimistic due to past mistakes or failures. Writing elaborate threads and running it through his mind doesn't do him any good at all. Going outdoors, drinking, laughing and hanging out with buddies WOULD do him good. Or the ladies... worrying why they can't meet a good guy, feeling like all guys are awful, wondering why they aren't being pursued like those girls on Sex and the City. The women think even harder about these problems and get bitter too. Obsessing about past problems and worrying about the future is not helping at all. Again, getting outdoors, doing activities you enjoy doing, having alone time and focusing on yourself is what you need to do. I've gotten some very positive things out of the discussions here but I think it's good for everyone to recognize that you can't overthink this kind of stuff. I had a male friend in college who was very smart, funny and not bad looking. But he obsessed about girls and complained so much that he never just went out and met people. Or nearly perfect girls I knew, that for some reason (often worries due to past problems) hesitated from letting new guys get close to them. Just closed up and became depressed, instead of keeping on trying to find that awesome guy. Beware, LS addicts!
crazy_grl Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Very good point that over analyzing and worrying will not get you anywhere. And getting out and doing things is always great... something I'd be doing if I wasn't working OT right now. I'm usually only on LS when I'm at work, same for a lot of people here I think. But I'm not interested in getting out and dating. It's too much of a hassle. It always ends up sucking up my time when I could be doing other things that need taken care of, and I end up worrying too much about it and doing exactly the things I'd advise others against doing. But enough about that... my conflicting feelings on dating could probably take up a thread to themselves.
Author j.carsey Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 But I'm not interested in getting out and dating. It's too much of a hassle. It always ends up sucking up my time when I could be doing other things that need taken care of You don't always have to be dating. I had a few years back when I didn't see any women beyond just platonic friendships. I was doing everything I wanted, lots of time to myself for hobbies, learning new sports, hanging out late night with my friends. I don't regret a moment of being single and most of my guy friends agree. It seems like some women always feel like they HAVE to be together with someone otherwise they are incomplete, or empty. So they go through this song and dance, waste time at bars, deal with crappy guys, settle for "so-so" guys because they think it's still better than being single.
Stunner Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 *raising my hand slowly from the corner*...guilty. Overanalyze, want to figure it out, wind up aggravating myself more because I'm not getting the information I need from the source of my frustration. I beat the dead horse until the stick breaks and then go get a new stick, etc. You are right and I am heading in the right direction....I think.
timidity99 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 This brings me to an interesting question. Would you date somebody who spends 95% of their free time reading these LS boards? What if your partner is so addicted to reading these boards and giving advice that he doesn't make time for you?
Lights Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Thinking too much about dating is not good! I love this site but I think some of us are here too often Myself included... Obsessing about past problems and worrying about the future is not helping at all...I've gotten some very positive things out of the discussions here but I think it's good for everyone to recognize that you can't overthink this kind of stuff. I agree that addiction of any kind, especially addiction that causes one to compromise other important things in one's own life is a bad thing, and I suppose messageboarding can be done in such a fashion. Not everyone who posts here reads the boards compulsively, though. You know the type, bitter guy, wants a lady but can't help but be pessimistic due to past mistakes or failures. Writing elaborate threads and running it through his mind doesn't do him any good at all. Going outdoors, drinking, laughing and hanging out with buddies WOULD do him good. I come dangerously close to fitting this profile, but to prevent any harm from coming to others who are falling into my place, I must debunk some of this. I've made the mistake of doing a lot of that myself. Going outdoors will only make a bitter man a bitter unsheltered man. Drinking will only make a bitter man an alcohol-fueled bitter man--I sure as hell haven't found this to have been a good idea. Only alcohol marketing personnel and fraternity boys seriously believe that alcohol use improves one's social life. Actually, I'll have to amend that; the former need not necessarily believe it, but are paid to do their damnedest to express or imply it. Laughing is good, to a point. Hanging out with friends is also good, provided one has the friends in the area. However, neither laughing nor hanging with friends will necessarily shatter the legacy of whatever embittered the guy in the first place.
Author j.carsey Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 I come dangerously close to fitting this profile, but to prevent any harm from coming to others who are falling into my place, I must debunk some of this. I've made the mistake of doing a lot of that myself. Sorry I sounded literal. What I meant by get outdoors and drink is really just have fun. You're right, a bitter drunk is no better than a bitter sober guy. I'm just saying, be a guy who routinely has fun and learn to get caught up in having fun without concern for dating. Same advice for the girls. Everyone prefers the company of fun people, and if thinking too hard about romance is making you sad... then distract yourself with past times you enjoy
catgirl1927 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 LoveShack is, I think, one of the most unhealthy things I can do for my relationship. I'll be fine, toodling along happy as a clam, and come here and read about all the men on here who cheat, play games, deliberately try to make women feel insecure by flirting, screwing around, constantly going to strip clubs, and then complaining that women are insecure and overdramatic when in fact THEY are the ones who are insecure and creating drama, who say that women are stupid and worthless and one is never enough, and I just think, holy crap, there are NO decent men. Then I log off and get back to my real life, where things are pretty normal and stable, at least most of the time. Whew. My advice: LS is fun and definitely juicy, but it's not the real world. I came here for therapy and definitely did NOT find it. Well, except for some brief PMs with Alexandra. But other than that, purely entertainment.
timidity99 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I believe one needs to take the advice here with a grain of salt if they choose to keep reading the boards. If you can't take the advice with a grain of salt and the stories you read are sowing seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship then it would not be beneficial to keep coming here. I see this place as mostly an entertainment program myself and nothing more. This might be a place to get advice when you don't have a good network of support in real life (family & friends). Afterall most of us on this board are not therapists.
IWalkAlone Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Yup, I think about it too much too. It's hard not to, especially on weekend evenings when it feels like almost everyone else is with their SO. Outdoor time? Sure! On a typical Saturday I'm off to the mountains with my mountain bike. That's great exercise in the outdoors and I'm having a lot of fun. But then comes Saturday night. I don't go on mountain bike rides at 11 p.m. Instead I may be at home watching a DVD, at the movies or something seeing couples all around me, or at a bar and trying to banter with attractively dressed women who seem annoyed when I try to talk to them. So I've done bike clubs, tennis lessons, hanging out with couples and single people. Those things are good for what they are good for, but they don't fill the void of lack of romantic connection & sex.
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