junnebugg_23 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I apologize for the long post but I could really use another opinion on this before I go nuts. I met this significantly younger man (he's 25, I’m 34) about 6 months ago. We instantly seemed to like each other, connected at a soul level and really seemed to hit it off, spoke on the phone, hung out a few times. It’s rare that you meet someone like that where there is such a strong connection. I know this cause I have experienced it before and he felt it too. Fairly early on the conversations turned very flirtatious. I know that we were both hesitant to define whatever this was but we were both comfortable with the flirting hanging out and decided to see where it would go. The flirting always seemed to take a turn towards the sexual side of things no matter how I would try to change the subject. To date even though we’ve spent the night together in the past there has been no consummation of the relationship. Three months into chatting with each other almost all the time he totally disappeared on me. First he stood me up for lunch and never apologized, then abruptly stopped calling, texting etc. Just gone ...poof! Being older I knew there was someone else and his immaturity or something just wouldn’t allow him to admit it or face me. There was no exclusivity to the arrangement so I could not understand the freak out! After confirmation, from someone else, that my instincts were correct. I sent him a text with one word that described his behavior. Disbelief and shock in the replies I received then three weeks ago all over sudden he starts texting me again by sending me 2 variations of an attempt to apologize. One (the text) stated that he thought he owed me an apology, the other (email) stated that he didn’t want to use the word ‘Explanation’ cause he did not think he owed me one ????????????????? So I leave it to him to set up a time and date to meet for this non explanation apology…and hear nothing ….nada! Talking and texting resume two weeks later (keeping it polite and non sexual) ….still nothing. He starts flirting again …for the love of …Why do I keep entertaining this????...I think to myself. I lay down the law and state CLEARLY this time. I am not going to invest any emotions in this anymore, friends with benefits is where I draw the line. Emotions just muddle everything…he agrees. We set up a date ….conveniently at the end of his weekend not mine. 9.30pm mind you he had the entire day to do this. I’m home waiting for him to come over. He sends me a text at 10.00 pm stating that they had a rain delay at his soccer match and tonight may not work. An hour later he’s texting me from home???...we are neighbors by the way ….three buildings down. This is not a big deal for me as he’d done this before …meaning I’m a big girl it’s not the end of the world but I really need to know cause I like this guy. Did he freak out again and what’s he freaking out about ??? Is he intimidated by the fact that I clearly stated what this all meant for me? Am I doing something wrong or have I not done something ? Someone please …his erratic behavior is driving me nuts
CaterpillarGirl Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 This guy sounds totally immature and rude. Please don't get drawn in again, because his behaviour is not likely to change! You deserve to be treated with respect and he has not shown any.
Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Thanks for the advise CaterpillarGirl. I just am at a complete loss at how to bring it all to an end. To be honest some parts of me don't want it to end and perhaps that's why I keep giving him a chance. It's idiotic I know. Hopefully I can give it all up. I certainly don't need the confusion.
paige367 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Let's face it, even guys our own age are usually much more immature than they should be. It sounds to me like whenever he has a thought about getting back together with you, instead of just thinking it and then going on with life, he acts on it and then rethinks the action. You do deserve respect and didn't we all go thru this kind of thing enough when we were in our 20's?
Trashed Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 this guy sounds like a f*** head. f*** 'em. not in the sexual way.
Author junnebugg_23 Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 Thanks Paige, you hit the nail on the head. I just wish I could get him to admit that he's a fraidy cat. And you are right ...my 20's were true testimony of freak outs. I don't need this but I really do need some closure or it will just continue on. Any suggestions ?
ashnicole Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 He wants to be around you when it's convenient for HIM. He could care less about your feelings. It seems to me like he uses you when someone "better" isn't running along by his side. I don't mean any insult on you, just trying to say, that's probably his line of thinking. I'd drop it. Tell him you don't want anything more to do with him, because you're too grown for the games he's trying to play... & that's exactly what they are, games.
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